There are songs that you can sing along to and there are songs that will stop you in your tracks and bring you to place of being able to 100% with the song and the musician.  The first time that I heard the song “Before these walls were blue” by Wade Bowen, I literally had to sit down and just listen.

This past week, our lives have been flipped upside down with trying to prepare for a move. We’ve been packing, trying to line up painters and new carpet, and oh right, plan a birthday for the boys. But Sunday night, I just knew that Boy A was going to have a night terror and I was ok with knowing that I was going to be able to rock him for a few hours that night, because I needed the comfort of protecting him, as much as he needed the comfort of me rocking him to sleep.

As we approached hour two of our rocking, this song came to mind and here is one of the verses and the chorus and then take a listen:

Well I remember sitting there in that old rocker
Reading, trying to get you back to sleep.
Well I’d find myself, laughing at you laughin’
Wishing the hands of time that I could cheat

Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.

As we rocked, I couldn’t believe how time had flown by and all that I wanted to do was slow down time and keep my boys little, just for a few more years. The day that I found out that we were having twins, my head was sent into a whirlwind and I felt so many different emotions, none of which were probably logical or realistic. But as we got closer to the delivery date, the more real things became. But the one emotion that I couldn’t quite grasp, was how could I love these two little boys unconditionally and so completely?

Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.

I had no clue about love, even after they put my sons in my arms. I thought that I had figured out the world, the only thing that I figured out was that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but that I had to figure it out pretty quickly. And that is what I’ve tried to do.

Sure, I’ve made mistakes as a parent. I wish that I could go back and do things over. But the one thing that I realize day after day, before the walls in the boys room were painted blue, I had no concept of love. And as my boys grow up, they are doing more on their own and need my help, less and less, so as I seem them learning new things or handling things on their own, I just wish that the hands of time would slow down a little bit, so that I can continue to take it all in.