Parenting Archives - A Father of Twin Boys

I’ve struggled a lot lately with how much of the truth I tell my sons about my childhood.
There have been a lot of questions, as they are of they age they want to know and ask things.

But how much do you tell? I’ve talked with friends that are a lot smarter than I am and more importantly, focus on child psychology and they have said to share what I fell comfortable with.

But that really didn’t help. The truth is this, my childhood was not that great. That is just a fact. But to what point do they need to know? And that I do not have an answer? And more importantly, it is something that I have struggled a lot with of late.

Watching the movie I Can Only Imagine brought a lot of feelings and thoughts to the forefront of my life. Was I hit with a plate, no, but did that movie hit way too close to home, yes. Do my kids need to know this about my past? Probably not. And probably not, I mean no.

As a parent, my job is to protect my kids. Not lie to them, but maybe not share all of the truth. When asked, I can say that things were not great in my childhood and shift the focus of the conversation to something else. Because what good does telling the truth do?

From my friends in the psychology world, they have talked with me at great lengths about breaking history and I usually laugh, because they know me better than that. The cycle of abuse has been broken. But the truth about my childhood to me, ends with me.

My son’s have asked a lot lately about my father and I just smile and try to answer as best I can. Sometimes, I lie. Is that fair to them, no. But is telling them the truth fair to take away the innocence of their view of their grandfather? Telling the truth does not help them in anyway and that is ok!

I’ve started for the first time in my life, dealing with what was my childhood. In doing so, it has also made me realize a lot of things too. Some of those things are not good either!

So today, as my kids ask me about my childhood, I give them shades of the truth, in hopes that it protects them from the truth and it helps me process it at the same time.

Being a part is really hard, harder than any job that I have ever had in my life. The reality is that parents need a night off every once in awhile, because they need to recharge and regroup. It is not only for the parents to stay connected with each other, but it also makes them better parents.

Since the boys have been born, we’ve been able to get 2 nights away from the boys. Did we miss them, absolutely. But we also needed a night off too. We’ve not left the same town as the boys, as a family member kept our boys, but we went to dinner, saw a movie and also a concert, and stayed a local hotel and just relaxed. We had a full night of rest. We did not have to worry about anything those nights. We just focused on us. Because before the boys were here, it was just us.

So take a night off. And if you aren’t comfortable with with leaving your children with someone else over night, at least do a dinner. But do yourself a favor, take a night off and recharge, so that you can be a better parent to your children. Take a look at some of the local coupons sites, find a quiet place to go and just relax, but also save some money too.