Failure Archives - A Father of Twin Boys

I tried and failed at my attempt at going back to school. But, with failure, I learned a few things that I hope to share.

I tried. Had I never taken the chance, I would always wondered what it would have been like to goto Graduate School. But, I also learned a lot of values that were more important to me than a piece of paper.

I was told to expect 5 hours a week outside of class for work. I was spending more like, 15 – 20 hours a week total. So, by spending that much time on school work, that meant that I was getting a lot less sleep than I should. Spending a lot less time with my kids and my wife.

I realized on a drive to work one day, that I needed more time with my kids, as they would not always be young and want to spend time with me. And also, in the last few weeks, we had not one, but two deaths in the family within a 26 hour period as well.

Life got in the way, but I tried and failed.

Or did I really fail?

Did I fail if I realized what was really important? Did I fail if I found what I lost? Did I fail if I needed to finally put boundaries on my time and put the importance on my family?

Depends on who you ask and what your definition of failure is. To me, I succeeded.

So, I tried and failed. But in reality, I took a chance and found what mattered more to me, is spending time with my family.

Failure is a word that I have used several times today to describe how I felt today. And yes, maybe failure is a strong word, but that is how I feel. I feel that I have failed my sons in someway, that I haven’t been able to help them as much as I should maybe, because that is the only explanation I have when both boys had bad days at school yesterday.

I don’t know if it is the adjustment back to school schedules from the Thanksgiving break or what, but Monday was great for the boys, but Tuesday, not so much. Boy A’s teacher emailed us last night letting us know that he didn’t finish his work and that he kicked a chair because he was frustrated and threw a pencil. THREW A PENCIL! Seriously? At 5? Not acceptable.

So that was one kid, Boy B got upset because a guest speaker came in and it completely threw his day off. Stomped his feet. Argued with his teacher. And it was just not a good day. The teacher called us 5 minutes after I walked in and filled us in on his day. Again, not acceptable, granted, there is a specific reason that we are dealing with as to why he behaved that way, but now we have to figure out a way to get him the help that he needs to help control his temper and his actions.

Today, I feel like a failure and that I have failed them with providing them with certain guidance and tools to help control their emotions. I know that I am doing all that I can and what is best for them, but right now, in this very moment, I feel that I am a failure.

But for now, as I sit at the office, I have time to work through this feeling. On my drive home tonight, I will have time to work through this feeling of failure. But as I walk into the house tonight, I need to hug both of them and talk with them about our expectations.

There will be a few new changes to the boys after school routine going forward.
1) There will be no more tv during the week. We usually give them 30 minutes to watch tv and relax after work. No more. Or at least not until things change. 2) No more seeing friends after school.
3) 30 minutes of free time and then it will be time to do homework, cleaning up toys and preparing for dinner and then bed.

As I type this, I still feel like I have failed them, but my hope is that as I walk into the house tonight, that I am able to realize, that I am preparing them for life and giving them the tools that they need to succeed.