I cried this morning and I said a heartfelt prayer. Ok, I cried a lot.

I let me family down. BIG TIME! Actually, that might be an understatement.

I failed them. I FAILED THEM.

I am embarrassed. It is my job to be the one to help build people up, not bring them down. It is my job to be supportive, not question the intentions.

I FAILED MY FAMILY.

I got down on my knees this morning and begged God to change my heart. To change me. To help me overcome the demons that I face.

I asked two very good friends to say prayers for me. And that was very difficult for me to do, because I had to admit to them, that I was not the best me. That I struggled. That I was a failure.

But I went to those two specifically, because I knew the heart felt prayers that they ask God. I also asked those two specifically because they would hold me accountable.

Over the course of the next several weeks, I am going to be doing several things:

• I am doing a 30 day sober challenge. So I will be posting my thoughts and feelings by doing this, in case there is anyone out there struggling or thinking about doing the same. I am going to also post the financial savings that I expect to come with it as well.


• I am going to start working out again. I think that there is a direct correlation between mental and physical health.

Today, I am focusing on day 1 of 30. I am taking today hour by hour.

I hope and pray that today, is the start of a new transformation. It is my hope and prayer, that God uses me. Allows me to grow and be the father that I strive to be and the husband that I need to be.

I spent a lot of time this morning in prayer. Something that I have not done a lot of recently. The Serenity Prayer, which is listed below, might be one of my new daily prayers.

Serenity Prayer

– Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
Read more

This mornings prayer:

“Dear God,

Please change my heart. Please show me the way that I need to live. Help lead me to be closer to you today. I ask that you allow me the opportunity, to right the wrongs that I have done and fix my failures.

In your name,

Amen”