I’ve seen this scene with Will Smith and James Avery from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air several times and the sad part, I can relate all too much to this scene, as many fathers can.

There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by, that I don’t think about all of the moments that my father missed out on. Birthdays. Anniversary’s. Basketball games. Baseball games. And I’m sure that I could continue that list for days. I remember learning how to shave while my dad was on active duty on the west coast I believe, while he was in the Army. I remember looking up in the stands for my dad and there was always an empty seat. I remember that empty feeling of not having my father there for father/son events at Scouts. I can relate to this scene on many levels, both good and bad.

You see, the fact is my dad wasn’t there a lot. The fact is that my dad put his career before myself, my sister and our family. I remember my dad being gone more than being home. I remember when he would have to leave for extended periods of time or when he would come home late and all I wanted to do was play catch. But the glove or football would sit on the steps well after he would come home. I learned how to adapt and somewhat cope, a say somewhat, because I don’t know that I’ve really expressed how that made me feel to my dad, because at this point, I don’t know that it matters anymore? My friend that is a psychiatrist would probably disagree.

But I can relate also to when Will Smith turned to James Avery, because even though my dad was not there, I have had awesome fatherly role models that to this day are some of my closest friends. And to this day, I still go to them for some of my most challenge questions when I need advice. Today was different though when I watched this clip, as this was the first time that it moved me to tears and I don’t really know why? Regardless of the reason, the raw emotion of wanting your father to be there and they put their priorities first is something that I lived through for the majority of my childhood.

In a conversation with a close friend, he asked me why I do as much as I do with my kids? I just said with a smile, I want my kids to know me. I want them to never have to look up in the stands and wonder if I’m going to be there or not? I never want them to wonder if I loved them. I never want them to feel that I’m not there for them and to make sure that they are the first priority in my life. I can relate to this clip on so many levels. And yes, my relationship with my father is better and at some point in the last year, the words “I’m sorry for missing so much of your life” was actually uttered during a conversation.

I remember the first night that we had the boys at home and as I was rocking them to sleep, I vowed to always put them first. I vowed to be there for them and teach them. Teach them right from wrong and teach them what it means to be a good husband and father. I hope and pray that I’m doing that. I hope that I’m showing them how to treat women with respect and to take care of themselves. And my hope, is that one day, when my kids read these posts that they can look back at our time together, that I did the best that I could.