Work

It is truly hard for me to say this, but I made a mistake recently in my career and though it is not the end of the world, it comes with a price.

Now, what could be so bad to admit that I had made a mistake? Simply put, I should not have changed jobs. Or at least, I should have held out for a different one. But there were reasons why I changed when I did and why I went with this role. I went in thinking that this was a good fit, but the reality is very simple, it is not the best fit.

Having worked for the last 11 years with the same organization, I felt that it was time to change but in reality, it just was not the change that I needed to make. So I have been in contact with other organizations and hope to turn this mistake into a positive change.

Today, I am grateful for the decision that I made and the opportunity to learn from my mistake, but at the same time, I am ready for a new change. But as I told the boys, mistakes will be made, but the bigger challenge is what can be learned from the mistakes?

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A few days ago, I proclaimed that I was taking charge of my life again!

This past year has taken a toll on my physically, emotionally and mentally and honestly, I have struggled. I have struggled with gaining weight. I’ve have not worked out in the last few months like I have in the past or needed to do so.

And at the end of the day, I have to be here for my family. I have to be the one that is here for my kids, when/if my wife’s brain cancer returns.

So I made the decision last week to resign from my job and focus on them. It wasn’t an easy decision, but one that was necessary for myself and my family. But it was a decision that had to be made.

In life, time is limited, but it is what we choose to do with that time. And I’m choosing to take back my life. I am choosing taking charge of my life again. But more importantly, I am choosing my family first, which is something that I have not always done.

To leave my job, was really a difficult decision for me, as I have been with the organization for 11 years. But the reality of it is, even though I struggled, I knew the answer. I wanted to protect my team and those that reported to me, but my team is also my family and they need me just as much as my team at work does, if not more.

Rarely have I put myself first, but today, I am doing just that. I am committing to working out daily and taking better care of myself. I’m going to ride the Peloton, do a mix of Yoga, Stretching and strength training and I look forward to walks in the morning, as it turns cooler. Today, right now, I have to plan on an unknown. I have to prepare for a life without my wife and being a single father.

With the help of some of my closest friends, who will keep me accountable, I’m taking charge of my life and committing to being a more present and less focused father and husband for my family. Because they are the team that I have to focus on first.

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Sometimes adulting is hard. Granted adulting really isn’t a word, but to me, it just works.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind for me and my family, well, really my wife and I. We have been in limbo as we have been actively discussing a job and a move. The pros and cons have been discussed a lot.

There were tears and concerns.  There was excitement and fears. But at the end of the day, we were back and forth on the possibilities and at the end of the day, we didn’t have a decision on what to do. I was back and forth on a daily basis and the boys had no idea. There was no need to share with them an unknown.

Over the last several days, I started leaning one way, but would occasionally float to the other decision for no rhyme or reason. I let a few people in on my decision and struggles with what I was going through and leaned on their thoughts, knowing that I had to make a decision.  Good friends will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear, and I’m lucky to have good friends.

Last night I was watching the UNC basketball game and at some point in the second half, I made the decision. It was weird, I figured out sitting in the recliner and it just came to me out of the blue and I felt at peace. I texted a buddy of mine and I said that I knew what to do but that I was sleeping on the decision and let him know when I woke up.

“We are not moving.”

That was the text that I sent my buddy. I just knew and was 100% sure of the decision. I had struggled for days on the decision and struggled for weeks what might be. But, what I kept struggled with is how does this work? Can I be away from my boys for 5 days at a time and my wife? Would I be ok living out of a suit case? Sure it is for a short time, but my son’s need me, as much as I need them.

We depend on each other. Who would be there to sing Lyle Lovett at night? Who would be there to help me grill or cook? Who would be there to nag me about my clothes not matching? Sure, 2 months, that is what we would be talking about and yes people do this everyday, but I’m not everyone.

I literally felt like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders. And, I was at peace.

So tonight, I hug the boys and my wife. Tonight, after a lot of struggles and a lot of worrying, I am at peace.

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Relaxation is a very important thing, but it is something that I really struggle with. And by struggle, I mean I am awful at it.

Sitting on the boat this week while I am on vacation, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I don’t know how to relax. The entire time, I kept thinking about work, what my week was going to look like, what the bills were going to look like for the week, etc. BUT, there is a great thing about this, I realized what I was doing and I figured out who I could talk with to help me.

I also know that it is going to take me time to figure out a long term solution/strategy to overcome this struggle in my life or as I more frequently refer to it as a challenge. For me, I can usually go and cook and that will help clear my mind, but when I am out of the office, the texts and emails come in just the same as if I were in the office and due to the nature of my job, it is hard to really disengage from work.

So, as I type this at the kitchen table, the day before we leave to head back home, I have already cringed at looking at my schedule for next week and I have about 30 minutes free each day. Only 30 minutes. My friend that is a psychologist asked the question if it was even sometimes worth me going away and I laughed and didn’t respond. See, that is how hard it is for me to relax because I know that when I am out of the office, I am mentally still in the office.

Going forward, I think that I’m going to try something new to help me learn some new relaxation techniques. For starters, I am going to start taking a week and a half to two weeks off and I’m going to block the first week back from any meetings that are not priorities. I have already delegated a lot of my work to my team, so that they can handle a lot of it. Are these things going to help, I don’t know but I certainly hope so and I think that it is at least a good first step.

I have also talked with my friend that is a psychologist and we are going to setup regular calls so that we can discuss more techniques to help me relax even more. Because the more that I can do now to relax, the better of a father that I will be. Instead of giving my sons my 100% undivided attention this week, I thought about work way too much. And shame on me, because my sons and my wife deserve that from me. So, life lesson here kids, learn these things at an early age. Learn how to relax and prioritize and learn that it is your responsibility to be the best father that you can to your kids, because they will not be little kids very long.

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Disappointment is a HUGE part of life and sadly, it happens on a daily basis. And this week, has been a HUGE disappointment for me, both personally and professional. BUT, there is a way to look it, complain or move on.

Personally, I have had a really good friend that has been in the hospital for the past week and things don’t look good for him. He had an emergency surgery and has just struggled since coming out of surgery. The doctors are not sure what the problem(s) is/are, but are trying to do everything that they can for him. But this is going to be a long road of recovery for my friend. He is going to have a hard time, but I just hope that he gets that chance.

Professionally, I have been given more to do at work. Most would say awesome to that, but when I am basically doing the job of 4 people, I can only do but so much. And I finally broke down last night and said that I wasn’t liking who I was becoming and a large part of that is due to stress of work. I don’t like feeling like I am bringing work home. I do not like feeling like I need a break before playing with the kids.

Adding fuel to the fire, I am beginning to think that I was passed over for a job that was a dream job, though I have not been officially told. Yet another large part of disappointment for the week. This could have opened new opportunities for me. This could have been the career path that I was looking for. But, it might not happen and I’m frustrated, no, disappointed.I have really struggled this week, more so that I can every really remember to be honest and I think that that is ok. I think that it is ok to be disappointed when bad things happen to you, but it is how we handle them going forward determines our real long outcome. Jobs will come and go, it is just a fact. And yes, I really thought that this was it. This was going to be the one and my next career path. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be? Maybe it wasn’t where I was supposed to be long term, but for today, I am disappointed and that is ok.

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To my sons, this is my hope and wishes for you.

Regrets, yeah I’ve a few in my life and some of those have seemed to have crept up lately and got me thinking.  So I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas.

  • Life is to short to have any regrets, so live today as it is your last. Live life to the fullest everyday, as we aren’t guaranteed that there is a tomorrow.
  • Follow your heart and your passions for your career and know that you are able to change directions at anytime. BUT, choose a career that you love doing and the day that you wake up and dread going into work that day, it is time to change.
  • Travel. See the country. Eat in dives. Drink really good beer. Visit the Grand Canyon and sit in silence and listen to the sounds. Visit the beach on the east coast and put your toes in the sand and take a cross country flight to LA and goto the beach there and do the same thing. Experience as much as you can of local cultures and talk with strangers. Yes, today as you are a child, do not talk with strangers, but when you are an adult. Talk with strangers and learn and absorb the culture.
  • Learn to cook. You are both well on your way to this now as you both help me a lot to cook or grill. But learn to cook and learn to cook different foods and really challenge yourself and your love of food. And remember, a cheap grill is just that, cheap. Spend the money for a nice grill and it is an investment that will be well worth it.
  • Save your money. It isn’t the most important thing, but will afford you the ability to do the things that you love doing.
  • Faith – have faith in something. We will do our best to introduce you, but it will ultimately be up to you to continue that faith in a higher being.
  • The old saying is very true. It is better to give than receive. Help someone else that is less fortunate than you are. You have never gone a day of wanting in your life. You have been blessed beyond what you’ll ever be able to know and understand, so help someone that needs a chance.
  • Your mom and I will not always be there for you, so learn how to take care of yourself and learn to pickup after yourself. I was 21 before I learned how to wash clothes, you will learn before then and your wives will thank you and us.
  • And this might be the most important life lesson that I have for you. When you meet the love of your life and you will know it and please, do not let her go. TRUST ME on this one guys, you’ll regret it everyday if you do and it will cause a lot of heartache, frustrations and struggles. If you learn nothing else from me, learn this.

Life is hard. Life will throw you curve balls, but you have to sit back and wait for the right pitch to take and promise me that you’ll live your life to the fullest and life with no regrets.

These are just a few of the life lessons that I hope to be able to share with you throughout your life, but life is too short to live with regrets.

 

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Work hard and you will be rewarded. That is today’s message.

My Grandparents generation was and is the greatest generation of all time. They suffered through the Great Depression and through hard work, they overcame. They fought in WWII and through hard work, they won.

My parents generation is part of the baby boomers. They were born during or after WWII and many fought in the Vietnam war. Through hard work, they over came the gas shortages, rocky stock markets, housing declines, etc.

My generation is part of the Gen X generation and I honestly don’t know of any major struggles that we have had, other than the Persian Gulf War and then a few other wars and 9/11. But somewhere in the later part of my generation and into the next generation, I have seen a shift in the values of hard work. There is less of a need to get your hands dirty and do a job, but instead there is a perception that people will give you things, because people feel that they are entitled to it.

Kids, hard work will not kill you. It might hurt you, it might give you back pains, it might tire you out, but what I hope that hard work will do is give you a vision of what you want to do with your life. I want to provide my boys with the opportunities that I did not have. I want them to experience things, that I did not as a kid.

What I’m realizing more and more, is that there is another shift in thought process and perception of hard work. I have a feeling that kids today will have a different way of doing this than we did. I think that there will be more trade jobs that are going to studied in school, as the demand will be very high. I think that less kids will goto college, but will focus on things that they have a passion for. I think that you’ll see more and more people, helping others, because it is the right thing to do. I think that you’ll see a change from less outsourcing of jobs to foreign countries, to more people looking to to work hard.

These are my hopes for my kids as they grow older and plan their careers. I hope that they will work hard and work in a career that brings them joy and fulfills them.

Hard work will not be the end of any of us, but doing hard work, for something that we love doing, is rewarding.

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Every morning on the way to school, I give the boys their little pep talk for the day. Nothing too heavy, just a remind of things to do for the day, like listening to their teacher, playing well with the other kids, etc. But something happened today on the drive that left me a little speechless.

So we were about a mile from the house and I looked in the rear view mirror and started giving them their pep talk. And as I’m talking, the boys are either nodding or saying ok or yes sir. I told Baby B that I wanted him to really listen to his teach today, as lately he has been pushing his boundaries. And then I looked over at Baby A and asked that he watch after his brother today and to make sure that he was ok. And he quickly responded with “No problem Daddy. I love my little brother.” Well there you have it kids, he didn’t stop and think he just responded.

But that wasn’t the thing that left me speechless. I’ve hit a rough patch at work and have really been struggling with a few things that have been going on lately. And I have been really questioning a lot of things lately, i.e. my place here at the company, the state we live in, etc. And as we pulled into the school parking lot, I smiled and told both boys that I wanted them to have a great day at school and to play hard. And before I could even open my door to get the boys out, Baby A decided to give me a pep talk. He smiled and told me that he wanted me to play hard at work today and that he wanted me to do my best.

Speechless.

I didn’t know if I should just say ok or yes sir or cry? I think that I kind of did all 3 to be honest.

But as I hugged the boys and got back in my jeep, I couldn’t help but think of Baby A’s pep talk. Dealing with or having not really completely dealt with my mother in laws death, work, life, etc. has just really gotten to me lately. I am not afraid to admit it, I’m human and all that crap got to me and it a lot to deal with, especially when you have little kids. But his pep talk made sense in someway and has given me a lot to think about.

So today, thanks to my kids, I’ll play a little harder at work and will try to have a little more fun today.

Thanks son for the much needed pep talk.

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My daily commute is about 24 miles one way to and from work. Not bad, gives me a little down time, time to think, time to plan, time to just wind down from the day.  I will admit it, the commute has gotten old of late. Traffic has been awful. Today for example, to drive 24 miles to work, it took 1 hr and 15 min. But something happened this morning on my commute, a quick thought as I watched the  the time on my GPS drift further and further away from 8:00 am. As I approached the cause of the delay, I saw a family standing on the side of the road, beside their car. And my frustration with not getting to work early as I had hoped, went away. It went away because, that could have been me. That could have been my wife with the kids. It could have been something much worse than a broken down car.

So even on long commute days, I can still learn a lesson about patience and more importantly, the value of what is important in life.

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I knew that it would eventually happen, I had been able to put off a business trip with work for almost a year, because I didn’t want to be away from the boys. But, it was time. So, this past Sunday night, I kissed the boys, I kissed my wife and I was on my way. It was my first business trip since the boys were born and my first time away from the boys, alone.

I was going to only be gone for 2 days, but those seemed like a long two days. While I was gone, I was able to FaceTime with the boys and see them laugh and run around the living room. I was able to hear their voices, see their faces and interact with them. Being away made me appreciate how much I love being around the boys and how much I hate not being there. But at the same time, it made me realize how I need the downtime too.

So, I returned yesterday from my business trip, to be greeted at the door by both the boys. As soon as they saw me, they both started screaming “Daddy”, nothing better in this world than hearing that word.

Being away is hard, and I am really lucky that I don’t have to travel that much, but coming home to two little boys, smiling and ready to jump all over me, is even better.

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