Looks like, after a solid week of sick kids, one having surgery and just an all out crazy week of life, it looks like things are finally on the mends.
Life is crazy enough without the outside factors. Our lives are all busy and we are all trying to juggle, but part of the juggling requires downtime too. We can only go but so hard and so fast before we fail too.
I’m really grateful that we live in an area and have access to great medical care and that the medical professionals were able to help both of my sons this past week. And as the boys and I talk about our day and at least one, if not two bike rides today, I’m just really glad that both of them are on the mends.
What a week this has been. Ups and Downs. Frustration and gratitude. This has truly been a week.
Both boys have been out of school and completely off their schedules. Boy A had a dental procedure yesterday, which required a trip to the hospital and to be placed under anesthia. As a parent, there is nothing more concerning or more frightening than seeing your child carted off by strangers and hoping and praying that everything goes well.
But it did. The Dr and nurses took great care of him and once he was awake, he was a happy little boy, sleepy, but happy. And for the first time that day, I was able to breathe easily.
Now, for Boy B. He was taken to the local urgent care on Saturday because of a high fever and white spots on his tonsils. He was diagnosed and treated for Strep Throat, which he has had several times already. But, a few days later of moderate fevers and fatigue, we took him into his pediatrician and they decided to run blood work for Mono. That’s right, Mono.
And, based on the call from his Dr yesterday, even though they were waiting on one more test to come back, he was 99% sure that he did in fact have Mono. Who knew that kids could get it? Well, apparently a lot of kids under the age of 5 do.
So, what a week. We have been dealing with the impending surgery for one and fighting fevers in the other. We are grateful for the Dr’s and nurses that have taken care of both of our kids and today, it seems that everyone is on the mends and making recoveries. Though, Boy B is taking a nap after being up for only an hour, but that is part of Mono.
Life has it’s ups and downs. Exciting times and struggles.
We had a wonderful weekend celebrating my birthday and my son’s birthdays, which was exciting. The boys got their first bikes and found out that we are taking them to Disney in the coming weeks.
But the flip to that, is that I found out that a good friend was diagnosed with Leukemia. My commute was long. And my first day back in almost a week, has gone less than stellar. Just one bump after another and apparently there was a rumor in a different department, that I had quit.
So, it hasn’t been the ideal day, but that is life. Life is about not the obstacles that we are faced with, but how we choose to respond and deal with them.
With us moving, my morning commute has taken a dramatic increase in time on the road. From a mileage stand point, it is only about 15 miles more one way, but from a time stand point, it is adding about 20 – 40 minutes longer.
But, as I was driving this morning and was on the phone with my mom, I was explaining the length of my commute and the added stress, but then stopped and begin talking about the benefits of the move. This move has already within just a few days, proven to be beneficial. The boys and I have eaten dinner out every night this week thus far on the deck. We have played tagged after dinner and then had plenty of time to rest up before bath and bed.
Life has been a lot better over the course of the last few days. I’ve slept better not having to worry or deal with some of the things that were going on at our, now old house. My sons seem to be a lot happier. They are able to run and play. They have already made a new friend next door. So yeah, the commute really sucks. But, the trade off is so much better.
And really, at the end of the day, all that matters is my family’s safety. And maybe, when they are older and if they remember the old house, I’ll share with them why we really moved. But then again, maybe I want? Because would it really matter?
Tonight is the last night in our townhouse and though leaving is a really great thing, it is a little bittersweet. The boys have a basic understanding that we are moving tomorrow, but the reality that they are leaving the only home that they have ever known, seems a little daunting for them.
There are songs that you can sing along to and there are songs that will stop you in your tracks and bring you to place of being able to 100% with the song and the musician. The first time that I heard the song “Before these walls were blue” by Wade Bowen, I literally had to sit down and just listen.
This past week, our lives have been flipped upside down with trying to prepare for a move. We’ve been packing, trying to line up painters and new carpet, and oh right, plan a birthday for the boys. But Sunday night, I just knew that Boy A was going to have a night terror and I was ok with knowing that I was going to be able to rock him for a few hours that night, because I needed the comfort of protecting him, as much as he needed the comfort of me rocking him to sleep.
As we approached hour two of our rocking, this song came to mind and here is one of the verses and the chorus and then take a listen:
Well I remember sitting there in that old rocker
Reading, trying to get you back to sleep.
Well I’d find myself, laughing at you laughin’
Wishing the hands of time that I could cheat
Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.
As we rocked, I couldn’t believe how time had flown by and all that I wanted to do was slow down time and keep my boys little, just for a few more years. The day that I found out that we were having twins, my head was sent into a whirlwind and I felt so many different emotions, none of which were probably logical or realistic. But as we got closer to the delivery date, the more real things became. But the one emotion that I couldn’t quite grasp, was how could I love these two little boys unconditionally and so completely?
Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.
I had no clue about love, even after they put my sons in my arms. I thought that I had figured out the world, the only thing that I figured out was that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but that I had to figure it out pretty quickly. And that is what I’ve tried to do.
Sure, I’ve made mistakes as a parent. I wish that I could go back and do things over. But the one thing that I realize day after day, before the walls in the boys room were painted blue, I had no concept of love. And as my boys grow up, they are doing more on their own and need my help, less and less, so as I seem them learning new things or handling things on their own, I just wish that the hands of time would slow down a little bit, so that I can continue to take it all in.
Life isn’t always about doing what is best, but it is about doing what’s right.
I was trained to make decisions and trust my gut instinct and sometimes it is hard, but sometimes, you just have to know that what you are deciding is right and when it comes to your kids, I think that it is even harder. And without going into a lot of details, I had to make a very hard decision for our family this past Friday night.
The decision wasn’t a hard one to make, but it is what’s right for my family and in the coming weeks, we will be moving to a new house and in a new town. The decision to move was easy, it was all of the other factors, longer commute, leaving our church, leaving the first house that the boys grew up in and the only house that they know as their home, but the reasons that we are leaving outweighed all of those factors.
I had a long talk Friday morning with my Godfather and he let me talk through the pros and cons and when we were finished, he paused and simply said “you know the right thing to do. It might not be what you want to do, but it what’s right for your boys.” And he is right. So, in the next few weeks, we’ll embark on a new change, a change that will cause some stress and longer commutes and things like that, but in the end, it will be for the better for the boys and that is what it is all about.
I’ve realized that being a parent isn’t about what is best for me, but it’s what’s right for my boys.
My wife and I really don’t get much time off from being parents, so this past weekend we took advantage of a quick weekend get away to NYC. Being able to get a weekend away is or has at least been virtually impossible. So when given the opportunity, we had to jump at the chance.
So, while the kids stayed and played with my mom, my wife and I took in a Broadway show, visited the World Trade Center Museum and ate really well! But the highlight, might have been the 9th annual Texas Independence Day concert! Well, that and getting to sleep in for a few days.
Being a father is the most rewarding job that I’ve ever had, but before I was a dad, I was also a husband, friend, etc. and some times we lose focus of those things when kids come into the picture. One of the things that my wife and I usually so, when we do get a night off, is that we are going to focus on us as a couple and spend more time together. The reality is, that in that moment, is sounds nice, but then life gets in the way and we don’t do a very good job of sticking to it.
But this time, while we were talking on the way home yesterday, the conversation was different. This time, it wasn’t, we will try to spend more time together and try to do better, it was we will do better. It is just as important to get away and regroup, as it is to reconnect as a couple. Did I miss my boys? More than anything. I would text my mom on a regular basis, just to check in on them. But by Saturday, I realized, that I needed to focus on the time that we had together and not what was going on at home.
So a quick trip to NYC, some really great food and a lot of fun at the concert. But the time that my wife and I had together, reconnecting, was even better.
Piglet: ’’How do you spell ’love’?’’ Pooh: ’’You don’t spell it…you feel it.’’ – Winnie The Pooh
The day before my boys were born, I don’t think that I could put into words, what love really is to me? I don’t think that I could describe correctly and maybe I still can’t today, but the day that I was handed my boys, there was a feeling that came over me that I can’t describe. It was love.
I’ve been asked by a lot of new fathers and several that I know that were having twins, “what is like to have twins?” And I usually smile and say something to the effect, “I never knew how much fun being a dad could be!”
Being a dad is a lot of hard work. There is a fine balance between having fun and having to discipline your kids. But at the end of the day, I love my boys more than anything else in this world. And I don’t know that prior to being a dad, that I loved anyone or anything as much as I do my kids.
As I read the quote from Winnie The Pooh over and over again today, I thought about my sons. I thought about how much joy they have brought me over the years. I thought about how they light up when they figure something out or do something on their own. I love how they are wanting to help me grill or want to watch a UNC game. There is no greater feeling that being a dad and the love that I have for my sons, I can never put into words, because it is something that I could say or spell, but something that I feel.
In life, friends will come and go. Many will be there for the good times and few will be there for the bad, but a true friend, is worth more than anything.
Yesterday, we packed up and drove for an hour to meet up with one of my best friends, who happens to also be my old roommate from Texas. We go back almost 20 years now and even though we only see each other 2 – 3 times a year, it is just like yesterday that we were together and having a beer and talking about life, our plans and our dreams. And yesterday was no different, except now, my boys run and jump in his arms when they see him and give him hugs and tell him about what is going on at school. And we talked yesterday at lunch for 3 hours, the boys were awesome and they let us just talk and my friend, we laughed and told jokes, caught up on life and somethings going on in our lives and just enjoyed our time together.
Our time, is never long enough. But, one thing that I’ve remember from when I was a little older than my sons, is that my Uncle Kenny (not really my uncle, but my Dad’s best friend), that you’ll only have 5 or fewer really close friends, those that will be there for you no matter what. My Uncle Kenny was a smart man, because he is right. My best friend, who my boys call their Uncle too, knows things about me and my life, that no one else knows. There is no judgement, there is just an understanding that no matter what, we will always be there for the other. The night that I called him and told him that my mother in law was killed, he was on his computer trying to book a flight. A few weeks ago, he called and was having a rough time and I was on my computer looking for a flight.
Friends that will be there for you through your lowest moment are your friends that will be there to drink a beer with you in our your highest moments. But as my wife said to me yesterday after lunch, you would have thought that my best friend and I had just seen each other the week before, because we just fall right into place with our conversations and laughing and joking around.
