I love snow, well most days. Lately we have been hit hard with a lot of snow and shoveling gets old after a while. But, as much as I hate shoveling, I love the expressions and the comments that my boys make when they see snow fall.
Baby B ran up to me this week as it started to snow and yelled “Look Daddy, snow!” and he jumped up and down. As I continued to watch it snow with the boys, realizing that I couldn’t take them outside because of the cold air and also they had fevers, it was a little disappointing. But, it is great to see the innocence in their faces and the excitement of watching the snow.
Last night, I got home, talked with the boys, started fixing dinner and I heard Baby B saying something and I just could not figure it out. But he was excited and serious about what he was saying, because he said it over and over and over again.
Finally, I get him to slow down and I ask him again what he said and looked serious at me and said “I’m a Ninja”. After a long day, I couldn’t stop laughing and I don’t know why it was so funny? Maybe because I wasn’t expecting that? Maybe because in life, you just need to laugh? Maybe it is because we call a good friend of mine Ninja? Who knows, but for a few minutes yesterday, my son thought that he was a Ninja.
There are things that happen in our lives that we can not explain. There are things that happen in our lives that will stay with us forever and today is that day for me. 5 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident. There are things about that day that I can tell you about, but a lot of it is a blur, but here are some of the things that I do remember:
I remember that it was snowing and had started snowing earlier that morning.
I remember getting the phone call from my father in law while I was sitting at work after lunch..
I remember sitting back down, putting my head down and crying. Crying for the loss of an amazing person, but crying because I was going to have to go and tell my wife of 3 months that her mother and best friend had just died and it was going to break my wife’s heart. It was going to change her forever.It was going to change us.
I remember the 8 miles from my office to my wife’s seemed like 180 miles.
I remember calling my wife’s best friend and telling him, as he was a 2nd child to my wife’s parents.
I remember not being able to talk for 10 minutes and only being able to cry in front of my wife.
I remember my wife asking if we were getting a divorce, because I could not stop crying. That would have been easier I think.
I remember the drive from my wife’s office to her Dad’s house seemed like forever.
I remember her father coming outside when we got there to hug my wife and myself.
I remember a family friend that grabbed me and held me as tight as he could, and I finally got to grieve for a few minutes.
I remember the outpouring of people that came to the house that night.
I remember waking up after 15 minutes of sleep and having a feeling of calmness come over me.
I remember the silence in the house.
Here is the song by Mark Schultz, Remember Me, that I was listening to when I got the call, that Monday afternoon.
Sometimes things do not make sense, especially when death is involved. I can say that after a lot of struggles, my wife and I learned a lot of amazing lessons from this. My wife and I are closer. My wife and I have two amazing little boys. My wife my and I often talk about that day. We talk about what we were doing, we often cry and then we talk about how much we miss her mom. We talk about how she would be with the boys and how much she would have loved them.
But tonight, I just think that we have to look for the Remembrance of God in the form of sunsets and people. We have to take each moment as it is our last. We have to over use the words “I Love You”, because you never know when it will be the last time that you will use them.
Remember me
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
Remember me
When you pray and the tears of joy
fall from your eyes
I remember and can not, nor will I ever forget. I just hope that when it is my time, that Jesus will Remember Me. And I hope that one of the first people that I get to see when getting to Heaven, is my mother in law, so I can tell her all about her grandsons.
There are lessons in life that we all must learn, but some are harder than others. Growing up, one of the things that I always remember my grandfather telling me was that when you go to bed, you drop all of your worries. That you do not worry about what happened today or yesterday and that tomorrow is a new day. But with that, he went a step further to say that forgiving, that that is one of the greatest gifts that we can give and that we should not hold onto anger, especially towards others.
I came across this Bible verse today: Luke 6 : 37-38 and it reads:
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
One of the things that we are trying to teach the boys is that if they do something to the other or if they do something to someone else, that they have to say they are sorry. We want the boys to apologize and know that when they do something wrong. But, more importantly, we want the other to see and show forgiveness.
Saying you are sorry is easy, but forgiving, that is the hard part.
I have started a new month long devotional reading the book of Proverbs, but strangely enough, another devotional that I stumbled upon was Proverbs 22:6 and it I couldn’t stop reading:
Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Isn’t that our job as parents? To start teaching our children off in the way that they should go forward throughout their lives? Isn’t it our job to prepare them for life? isn’t it our job to give them the tools and foundation to make good and responsible decisions, so that they can be good contributing members of our society?
I think about how I talk to my children when they do something that is not correct. I try to be patient and I hope that as they grow older, they will be patient with others and especially with each other. I think about the example that I set with my life and how they look up to me, am I doing everything that I can to be a good father, so that one day, they will be good fathers?
All of these things filled my mind after reading this verse, I just prayed that I could be a good father and a good example to my children, as I hope that they learn the good things that I try to do, and see through my faults.
I would encourage each of you to take a moment, read the verse here and just reflect on it.
I’ve been asked a lot lately from my wife what I wanted for Christmas and I give her the same answer, every time, which is nothing. I don’t know if she is just not able to wrap her head around the fact that I have everything that I need. I have my family. I have my friends. I have two amazing little boys. What more do I need?
There are certain Christmas movies that I love watching every year and the Charlie Brown Christmas is one of them. And I dare say, I could probably recite a good portion of the movie if asked. But there is one part in the movie where Charlie Brown asks if anyone knows what Christmas is all about? And Linus sums it up pretty darn nicely.
I have been blessed beyond words. I have more than I will ever need. I have more things, things that do not matter. But there are people that are really struggling this year. Whether they do not have a home or heat for their home or enough food for their family. And then there are those that do not have enough money this year to provide gifts for their kids. Those are the ones that need things. They need the essentials of everyday life. They need food. They need a roof of their heads. They are the ones that we should be asking, what do you want for Christmas this year?
I have challenged my family to do 1 simple thing, help someone else out with the money that they were going to spend on me. Did my wife and I over do it for the kids this year? Maybe? Did my wife and I over do it for each other, not as bad as last year. But the real question is this, did my family help others and the answer is heck yeah we did. We have given more this year to charity to help those less fortunate than every before. And when the boys are older, and old enough to understand, I fully plan on taking them to a homeless shelter to serve those that are less fortunate. Because I want them to see and understand what Christmas is really all about.
Everyone has a bad day. Everyone is allowed to have a bad day. But what isn’t allowed or should not be allowed, is taking out your day on your kids. And I think that there is fine line that people walk, some can recognize that moment that they need a breather and those that do not.
For the first time as a father, I saw that line, but was able to recognize in the moment, that I needed to walk away. What happened? Nothing really. I mean, I had been awake for over 18 hours, I was home with the boys alone all day due and due to the weather was not able to make it into work. My wife was called out for work and was gone. The boys had played hard all day and we had had a great day. I had cooked and cleaned the house. But for whatever reason, Baby A was up at 1:30 am that morning, and when I went to put him down, he was fussy. He would not go sleep, even after rocking for almost an hour. I was tired, I was hungry and I really wanted to goto bed.
As I was rocking him and asking him questions to see if there was anything wrong, he looked up and said “I love you daddy”. And in the moment right there, being awake for 18+ hours, being alone all day with the boys, being tired, being hungry and everything else, just made it all worth it.
It is amazing how life can teach you lessons, at any age. Last night, I talked with a friend and she began to tell me how her husband was struggling with drinking again, work wasn’t going well, but that she had her family and children. Life, even when she was down, she focused on the positive.
Another friend reached out to me last night, upset because he and his wife were having a rough patch. But, through it all, they realized how much the other was giving and putting forth to making their relationship work, but because of struggles of life, they were not seeing what the other was doing.
My wife, who works in the medical field, was on call last night, goes on call for 48 hours this weekend, which means that I’m Mr. Mom this weekend. But, her job affords us the opportunity to have her home during the week several days during the week.
Is it hard? Sure. Is it challenging? Some days. But isn’t life? Doesn’t life present challenges that we have to face every day? But it is how we deal with life and the challenges.
A simple statement, but sometimes, it isn’t so simple, yet so meaningful. Over the last several weeks, we’ve noticed a HUGE difference in Baby B. He is talking a lot more. He has averaged at least 1 new word a day.
But last night, after I put the boys to bed, he stood up and said Thank You Dad. Wow. Where did that come from? I didn’t even know that he knew the words Thank You, let alone know how to use it correct.
Thank You, Baby B, for learning more and really growing your vocabulary.
At dinner the other night, my wife and I were discussing something that had happened that morning. And I guess, we were starting to get short with each other and Baby A grabbed my wife’s hand and my hand and just said OK!. Mommy Ok! Daddy, OK!
And then he went back to playing a game on my wife’s phone, but in that moment, I had an immediate flash back to be being a kid with my parents, except, when I asked my parents to stop fussing, they didn’t. But as soon as my son said OK!, my wife and I both just stopped. We didn’t say a word and I couldn’t.
I couldn’t say anything because I had too many flash blacks, thinking about my parents and listening to them fuss and argue. But my son taught me that there is a time and place. There is a time to have discussions and in front of your kids is not the place. And even though we were at a restaurant and were not loud or disrespectful, it effected my son.
Sometimes, you can learn a lot from your children, but are you listening? Are you watching them and picking up their cues? I know that I have learned not only not to fuss in front of them, but I’ve learned unconditional love.
