Life

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent, is how exhausted you can become. Lack of sleep, work problems, home problems, everyday life, etc. and it can just take a lot out of you.

The difference I think, is now not how exhausted you become, but how as a father we handle it. This morning, I woke up after about 3 hours of sleep and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I had rocked Baby A at some point because he had a nightmare, I was exhausted, my wife did not get off work until really late, and both boys were cranky.

I had two options, get frustrated or put into perspective that they are little kids trying to figure out life and how to respond and deal with things themselves.  And as my demeanor changed, so did the boys. They went from being cranky to sitting on the sofa and drinking their milk and as I sipped on my first morning cup of coffee, I became more relaxed.

Was I still exhausted, absolutely.  But I had to respond and hoped to set a good example. But being exhausted is hard with little kids. I have so much respect for single parents.

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Of course, in the 5 minutes that I go upstairs to vacuum the boys lay down for naps. We try so hard now not to encourage naps, but sometimes, they happen.

My mother is coming up to spend time with the boys and goto dinner with us. It is funny, because the boys only see her a few times a year, but they really know who she is. They talk about her and get excited in knowing that she is coming.

But secretively, I’m just excited because for just a few minutes of today, I can relax and be a son and don’t have to be in charge. I can let my mom step in and run the show.

So today, let’s all take naps, because when the boys wake up, their grandmother will be here and we can let the fun begin.

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Sometimes, life can be a challenge, but it is how we over come and deal with the challenge.

Sometimes, we have days that make us question things, but it is our faith that gets us through.

Sometimes, we have struggle to make sense of the unknown, but it is our trust in God that help us over come that struggle.

Sometimes, we need to need to find the goodness when it doesn’t seem to be any, and those are the days that I can walk in and the boys run and hug me and life seems to make sense.

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I sit and watch in amazement as I watch my boys go throughout their day. What a difference time makes. And by time I mean weeks and days. There is such an amazing difference in just last week in the boys and what they are doing.

I see my sons literally growing up right in front of my eyes and I wonder where the time has gone? As we go through the cycle of potty training, learning manners, etc. I just sit back at what they are learning and more importantly, how they are growing up and using what we are teaching them.

As the days pass, they will become even more independent on us and will be able to do even more on their own. But until that day comes, I want to slow down the growing up process and hold onto my little boys for a little longer.

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Today was a hard day for me and maybe one of the hardest as a father. We took the boys to their second week of gymnastics.  The class was relatively small and they were the only boys there, I guess they were also the youngest too.

Class started and within 5 minutes Baby B was up running around. At first, I thought that he would stop, but quickly it became a game. But worse than that, it was a distraction. It was a distraction to the other kids and to the teacher and it wasn’t fair to them. So after I was able to get him, we walked outside and talked and I explained that if he misbehaved again, that he would not return to the class.

We got back in and for 5-10 minutes he listened and even participated, but that didn’t last. Up and running and I was done. I was able to get him after he made two laps around the class and that was it. I took him into the nursery area and got him checked in. I made it back to the gymnastics class to see Baby A listening and having a lot of fun. He was doing flips and jumping over little mats.

So after the class, I go back to pickup Baby B, only to see that he had been put in time out for not listening. He didn’t listen in the class or in the nursery and I felt like a failure as a parent.

As we left, I called my mom and told her about my day and how I felt like a failure. And she reminded me that sometimes as parents, we have hard days and that those hard days only make us better parents in the long run.

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Growing up in a military home, I remember the times that my dad was gone. I remember when the phone would ring during a national disaster and that he would be mobilized. I remember summer camps and counting down the days. I remember the night my father took me out to the workshop to tell me that he got his orders to go to Kuwait for the first Persian Gulf war.

So when I see videos about military men and women surprising their families and and especially their children, I have no words. I have no words, because I remember those moments. I have no words because I remember the moments when my father would return from deployments and running to him. I have no words because not only do these men and women make the ultimate sacrifice to defend our country and our freedoms, but their families make a sacrifice as well.

So today, take a moment, watch this touching video of a boy who has not seen his father in a year. Take a moment, that if you see a service man or woman, to say thank you, but their meal or a beer or just give them a pat on the back.

http://wapc.mlb.com/cutfour/2014/06/24/81470546/video-gif-military-father-surprised-son-disguised-royals-catcher-first-pitch

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We have all had those moments in out lives, that we stand back and ask ourselves, “did that really happen?” Well, just happened to me and I am still caught off guard.

My my wife was putting the boys to bed while I was cooking spaghetti and to my surprise, my wife sends me a text that our neighbor was banging on the wall. Seriously? An adult was banging on the wall to our townhouse, because our 3 year old jumped a few times on his bed.

For most, it would end there, but not in this case. My wife was able to get our son to stop jumping and I guess for good measures, be neighbor decided to bang on the wall again? Well, my wife flew out of the room, walked next door and let’s just say that there was a discussion.  What happened next, was both painful and gut wrenching. My wife came back in tears. The neighbor was essentially attacking her baby and she was upset. But to see my wife shaking and in tears is hard.

My wife bought our townhouse before we started dating and at the height of the market. Needless to say, we got married, had twin boys, outgrew the two bedroom townhouse pretty quickly. The situation with the house, our condo association and our neighbor have made our home, feel more like a jail. Nothing has gone right, from day 1. But tonight, tonight was the final straw.

I love my sons. More than I can ever put into words I love them. Today more than ever. But I will not allow someone, anyone to bang on the wall at them. It is time to move.

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Missing In Action aka MIA aka On a Break aka Life got in the way.

Always of saying that a lot of things have been going on in life lately and blogging hasn’t been one of those things.  Nothing too crazy, just dealing with a lot of life things. Work, future, finances, family, and the list goes on.

Sometimes I think that it is good to get away, hide from life. I think that it is healthy to back away and reflect.

And there are times when you just need to go MIA.

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When my wife and I did IVF, there were 6 embryos that were left over and frozen, just in case we ever wanted to use them again.  With the freezing process, there is a yearly storage fee that is associated with the embryos. Not bad for the first year, $200. Year two was $600 I believe and this year was $1,200.

In looking at this from multiple points of view, $1,200 was not in my budget and more importantly, I am about 99.9% sure that I don’t want anymore children, so my wife and I sat down and had a long talk. I laid out my case, as to why I didn’t want more children. Then my wife laid her case out why she wanted more, and though she didn’t say this in so many words, deep down I think that she wants a daughter. I understand that and I respect that. But, having another baby means a lot of things, costs, another vehicle (I have a Jeep and can’t fit 3 car seats in there), a bigger house, day care, and the list goes on and those are just the immediate things. That doesn’t factor in having 3 children in college either at the same time or close.  And honestly, I know what I have today and I really don’t want to throw anything in the mix with that.

So after a lot of conversations, my wife and I decided to donate the embryos to a research lab for stem cell research. We both felt that it was important to not just discard the embryos, but to do something that could possibly help others. We had the call yesterday and I have to admit, it was harder than I thought. These embryos are part of my wife and myself. And yes, we are still going through with it, but it was a hard decision but I believe the right decision.

So even though my six little embryos, we’ll never meet. You would have been loved tremendously by us and would have been a great addition to our family. But, you are going to help others and that is a great and that is an important thing.

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Terrible twos have have nothing on the trying threes.

It is funny, because Baby A is throwing fits at the drop of a hat now. Screaming when he gets mad. And Baby B, he is just a chilled out kid.

But, what I’ve had to realize is that how I responded to the boys at the age of 2 when they misbehaved and how I have to respond now, is different. The boys are more mobile, can communicate with me regarding what is wrong and why they are upset. So, as they change in responding, so must I. It is my job not just to tell them that they did something wrong, but explain to them why it was wrong and what the consequences are for that behavior.

I love watching the boys grow up, I love watching them engage with my wife and myself in conversation and be able to share with us what is wrong. I really love that they are developing their own little personalities. But with that, comes the sometimes trying threes because they are only three and they are still learning and growing and trying to feel their way into the world.

Terrible twos and now the trying threes, bring it on. I’m ready to teach my boys how to grow up and deal with life. Face challenges and overcome them. Laugh when sometimes they just want to cry. Life isn’t fun and I guess that we are facing that with the trying threes.

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