Life

Tonight while at dinner, a friend sent me a message that Robin Williams had died. I sat in shock, though I had never met Robin, I have admired his work for years.

After getting home, getting the boys settled, I began ready news stories and the outpouring of responses from friends, family and fans throughout the US. And two big things that stood out to me: 1) it appears that he struggled with mental illness for a long time and 2) his charitable donations of his time to raise money will be sorely missed.

Mental illness is becoming a topic of conversation that our country can no longer avoid. We are losing more and more people each and everyday due to suicide and mental illness. It is time that we as a society do something to address the issues, instead of cutting state funding for treatment. Mental all illness is a serious problem that isn’t going away. We can either face the problem and work on solutions or face more deaths.

As for his giving of his time, Robin Williams was a HUGE supporter of the USO and went on many comedy tours overseas to support our troops. He also did a lot with Make A Wish and St Jude Hospital, to name just a few. This will be a huge loss for these organizations and for those effected.  But they aren’t the only ones that are losing out, so are his family, his friends, co-workers, and fans.

Here are three clips from three of my favorite movies that Robin Williams was in:

Goodwill Hunting:

Dead Poets Society:

Patch Adams:

I grew up watching Robin Williams and I think that as so many, I feel a since of loss. A loss that is small in comparison to others, but his death will leave a void. He was one of the funniest comedians of my time. He appeared in roles that varied from a loud solider in Good Morning Vietnam, to a loving compassionate therapist in Good Will Hunting to a soon to be Doctor in Patch Adams. And it is through those characters that we all connected with, but it is through those characters we will all miss.

So tonight, Robin Williams, may you sleep easy. May you no longer be in pain. But more importantly, may your family feel the comfort and the love of those that loved you.

Rest in Peace Robin.

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There are times in life, where things do not make a lot of since. There are times where we feel that we are at the top of our game and other times where we are as low as we can go. Today, I just felt blessed.  Blessed to have two amazing boys that just amaze me each and every day.

I took the boys to Target, Home Depot and to the park and I couldn’t have asked for them to have acted any better. They both told me when they had to goto the bathroom. They both let me shop and helped hold and put things into the basket.

It is days like today, that I just sit back and realize how blessed that I really am.

 

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Last night, there was no excuse for my behavior.  Ok, so maybe that is an extreme, but I had a really long day at work.  I was not myself and was really in a bad mood.

As I was driving home, I listened to relaxing music, I tried talking with my Dad and well, that really didn’t help. I got home, the nanny didn’t really help. I changed, the nanny left, and it was just me and the boys. We played while I cooked dinner. I got plates set for dinner and some jazz loaded on my phone.  The boys didn’t touch their grilled chicken and tater tots, they just wanted to play.

It was then I realized that their schedules were off. The nanny let them take a 2 1/2 hour nap earlier today, gave them ice cream at 5pm and their day was just off. And so was mine, but that is no excuse. It is no excuse for me to take my frustrations of my day out on my boys. I realize that I am just a human, but my sons did not do anything wrong tonight. And please understand, I wasn’t mean to my sons, but I didn’t have a lot of patience. So after dinner, we went upstairs and relaxed before we got ready for bed.

Baby B, as usual, he was asleep within minutes. Baby A, could not get settled. He was up and down. He had to pee. He had to look for a toy, which was under his pillow, he had to get a stuffed animal, then he had to look out the window, you get the idea. I was frustrated. I didn’t have the patience for the up and down. I was not in the mindset for him not being able to be settled. I just wanted him to goto sleep so that I could eat and wrap up some work from today.

But at the end of the day, there is no excuse in my getting frustrated with him. Is it his fault that he took a nap today? No. Is it his fault that he had to pee? No. Heck, we want him to be potty ed trained and he did what we have asked him to do.

Son, I promise to always put you first. I promise to put you above work. I promise to have more patience, especially on days that I have very little patience. There are no excuses. I love you.

 

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I often thought that was something that was taught, not instinctively learned, but I might be changing my views on this one.

Last night as I put the boys down, we read, watched a Dino Dan tv show, and the boys got in their beds, Baby A, who was incredibly tired, laid his head on his pillow and curled up. Baby B, who said goodnight to his brother, got up and put a blanket on his brother and covered him up. Compassion at its best.

I have never told Baby B to do cover up his brother or anyone else, but he instinctively he got up and made sure that his brother was ok and covered up. It is these moments in life and experiences that I see, that I realize more and more what compassion is all about, especially as it relates to the boys and to our family.

My wife’s job is full of compassion, as she supports families after they have lost a loved one. I don’t know how she does it, but she is able to provide a since of comfort and peace at a moment when a family needs it the most. We together, try to show through our actions, compassion, in hopes that our boys will pick up on the desire to help others in need.

I’ve come to realize that as a parent, I get to see and be a major influence in my children’s lives. It is my job to teach and mold them for their future. But it is those moments when I realize how much they are teaching me.

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This morning I actually got to sleep in for a little bit.  But I was awoken to the sound of an iPad hitting the floor and my 3 year old screaming.

I had two options, get mad that he had the iPad upstairs when he had been told numerous times to keep it downstairs or comfort him in knowing that accidents happen from time to time.  After making sure that he was ok and safe, as their was glass all over the floor. I started thinking about the costs, realizing that the iPad was no longer covered under the support plan. Thinking about upcoming bills. No extra income to replace it. I had two choices, but upset and stressed out or realize that accidents happen.

Accidents happen all the time, but it is how we respond that makes the difference and today as I held my son and talked with him about accidents and why we don’t take the iPad upstairs, I was reminded to when I was a kid and broke something of my mothers and she didn’t get mad. She didn’t raise her voice. She just said that accidents happen and kept on going.

I hope that my boys saw how I handled today and when they get older, they will realize that accidents happen.

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There are several people that I admire and look up and President George H Bush is one of those men. And after reading this article and watching the video, I think that it only solidifies that feeling even more.  And I thought that this answer in particular spoke to me:

I have learned from him the importance of service. My grandfather says he learned his passion for helping others from his mom. He wrote about this in a letter in 1997: “Early on, my mom gave us profound advice. It sounds simple now but when I became president I knew just how sound it was. Be honest. Tell the truth. Be kind. Care about the other guy — help him. Don’t look down on anyone. You have an obligation to help others.”

I liked this quote because, it is a simple and true value of life. Be kind to others and help them when they needed it. This sounds just like the advice that my Grandfather gave me recently. It is a simple truth.

But then again, President George H Bush and my Grandfather lived through a different time and generation. They lived through and served during World War II. They lived and witness Vietnam. They lived through really hard economic times. And they both have said the same things, Be Honest, Tell the Truth, Help others and don’t judge. Words to live by.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Please take a moment to read the entire interview by Jenna Bush Hager.

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As a child, I just wanted to be older. As I get older, I just wish that I were younger. Growing older has it’s perks, being able to do more things, but it has it’s downfalls, like responsibilities.

Growing older also shows how life really is and how we once viewed things, maybe not really be real. But it also shows up the important things in life. Possessions are not as important today as they were when I was 5.  So as I type this, I’m exchanging text messages with my God Father, who is going in for a major knee replacement surgery tomorrow. Normally, that big of a concern, however with his history of heart issues, he is going to be required to stay a few extra days in the hospital. But I realized as we were texting, that he was feeling the same as I was, concern, worried, hell, scared.

Growing older, these are the worries and concerns that our parents dealt with, not us. They shielded us from these worries, because we needed to play, not think about someone that I have known and loved for 35 years might not make it tomorrow through this surgery. The surgery is at a top medical facility in the US and has a team of Dr’s that are some of the brightest in the world, so even though I am nervous, I am confident that he will come out ok.

Growing older isn’t as fun as it seemed as a child.

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Grace can be defined by many ways, here are just a few from the Christianity section on About.com “Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor.”

Things happen and we don’t know why. Things go wrong and you’ll often hear that that things happen for a reason, good or bad. Today was that day for my wife and I, as over the last few days we’ve talked a lot about her mom and her mom’s death.

  • My wife decided to visit the garden at the church that we attended and sit on the bench and have a few moments of quiet time.
  • While she was doing that, without talking with my wife, I was listening to the memorial service for her mom. I don’t know why, but I just had a feeling that I needed to listen to it today.
  • As my wife was sitting on the bench, she texted me to tell me where she was and I responded that I was listening to the sermon.
  • An hour later, a co-worker brought my wife a bottle of tea, as my wife looked at it, the name of the tea was the same name as her mom.

Were all of these things just odd and happenstance? Maybe, or maybe they were signs of Grace, a kindness that we don’t deserve?

Tonight, as I went to put the boys down, they were a little fussier than usual. They did not go down as fast as they normally do and that was ok, I was perfectly happy to rock them tonight. Tonight, I needed to hold them a little longer. Give them a few more kisses goodnight. And as I laid in the floor with Baby A, Baby B grabbed his pillow, bunny and blanket and snugged up to me on the floor. And as I watched him drift off to sleep, ever so peacefully, Baby A reached over and held my hand and he did so until he fell asleep.

For me, Grace is a gift. A gift that is done and provided so innocently. A gift that is given to us at a time that we need it the most. A gift that can sometimes not be explained. So, as I looked back on the day, the sermon especially, I thought about my wife’s mom’s death and thought about three of the most visible signs of Grace to me.

  1. How could God take my wife’s mother so soon. And yet, it is through Grace that we were not faced with having to make the difficult of end of life care decisions.
  2. I struggle in knowing that her mom will never know our children and yet, I take comfort through Grace, in feeling as they she has already met them.
  3. I weep when I think of the number of lives that she touched in her short time on earth and it is through Grace, that I take comfort in the fact that on the night of the visitation, over 1,500 people came to the church to spend 15 seconds with us and say a kind word or share a memory with us.

Grace. It is a small word that can mean so many different things to different people. But to me and especially today, Grace got me through a difficult day.

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My wife took the boys to my sisters house for a few days and it is way too quiet in the house. My routine is off. I don’t know what to do with my time.
I had planned on painting while they are gone, but I decided to have some quiet time instead.

I love and miss my boys, but I also am grateful for a little downtime to regroup and recharge.

 

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I am a firm believer that no matter the circumstance, you are never to old to learn a life lesson, even from your children. And just that thing happened this weekend when Baby A politely said to my wife and I, “Be Nice!”.

Be Nice. That is what my son told my wife and I as we were, disagreeing on something. Be Nice! Something that you think should be easy, but my son perceived us disagreeing as not being very nice to each other and I guess, in retrospect, we probably were not.

And lesson learned too. I really need to focus on when a situation arises where my wife and I do not agree, that we either table the discussion or step away and talk. But we can’t disagree to the point that voices are being raised in front of the boys, we really should be nice to each other, as that as what we are trying to teach the boys.

So today, I texted my wife with the simple phrase “Be Nice!” and tonight, when we get a chance to sit down and talk about the week, we can be nice and talk through things, as we will disagree from time to time, but it is how we handle it that will determine the outcome and the impression that it leaves on our boys.

So Be Nice!

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