Life

I always heard that as a parent, you should not blink or else you will miss your children growing up right in front of your eyes. Well, they were right.

Last night, after a long Sunday Funday at the Zoo, my oldest son looked at me and proudly proclaimed that he was a big boy and could put his socks on himself. And so it begins.

There is a small part of me that misses the boys when they were infants. They were great to hold and snuggle with, but there is something that is great about having the boys grow up and interact with them. I love being able to ask them about their day and they respond. I love being able to laugh and joke with them, and they get it. But at the same time, there is a little sadness to it as well.

I had this same conversation with my mom this morning and she laughed. She laughed because she remembered me saying that I was a big boy and that I could walk to the mall all by myself if I wanted to at the age of 3. Not that I would have walked 5 miles on my own, but it was the fact that I could say it and the determination to try on my own. But as my mother was telling me this story, I realized, I’m just grateful to have two amazing boys that I get to love and hold and play with each and every day.

So today, I know that my little boys are quickly turning into big boys and I’m going to cherish today and the moments, as soon, they will be asking for the keys to the car for the first time and I’ll remember back to when to when he said, “I’m a big boy”.

Read more

I just wanted to thank Joe from Dad’s Guide to Twins for sharing one of my recent blog posts on his podcast. In talking with a friend and fellow father, I recounted the events of the day and asked how I could remain so positive and I just smiled and said perspective.

People are dying, right this minute. Someone is being told that they have cancer, right this minute. Someone is being laid off from their job, right this minute. Each and every one of those scenarios is awful, for their own reasons and I can’t say that if I had any of those conversations this morning, that I wouldn’t be down.

But today, right now, I grateful for the time that I have with my boys. I’m grateful that last night, I got to rock them to sleep and could hear them make noises as they moved in their beds.

It is all about how we view things. I can choose to be frustrated with life, work, people, etc. or I can choose to grateful that I have two healthy boys that love me. I choose the latter.

If you haven’t checked out the site, Dad’s Guide to Twins, please do. Joe has a lot of great information that will help any soon to be father of twins.

Read more

My wife has been out of town the last 5 days, so the Kid drop off and pickup has fallen on me. It is hard being the only parent, I really have no idea how single parents do it full time.

Just for the last few days, I’ve had to adjust my wake up time, get ready myself, then get the kids ready and then head out the door for the kid drop off at daycare. Is it hard? Sure. But it is also rewarding. I love my time with the boys. I love being able to talk with them about all the things that they can do that day. I love getting them excited about school, because for me, it makes the kid drop off that much easier, for me.

Transitions are hard. They are hard on the kids, they are hard on the parents. We have to make sure that we are ok as well when we leave the kids, as the caregivers will be taking care of them for the day. It is scary pulling away from the drive way. It is hard when the kids are crying. But it is also really rewarding picking them up in the afternoon. To have them run full steam and grab onto my legs. I love hearing all the things that they did at school. The activities, the things that they did with their friends, etc.

Today’s kid drop off was better than yesterday. Today, Baby B made it in, took his coat off and his shoes off and put them up against the wall. He hugged and kissed me goodbye, as his brother gave me a highfive and ran to play. Baby B has always struggled more with transitions, but today I was able to make it out the door and into the drive way before he cried.

It broke my heart, especially today and I don’t know why? The kid drop off is probably one of the hardest parts of my day and picking them up at night is without a doubt the best. So here is hoping that tomorrows kid drop off is a little easier.

Read more

On my worst day, it isn’t as bad as most. On my worst day, I get to hug these two little boys. On my worst day, I get two little boys that trust me and call me dad. On my worst day, I get hugs and kisses goodnight.

Today was a challenge. Work is just insane. But they ran to me when I picked them up and hugged and kissed me. Today was not bad at that point.

I am realizing more and more that fatherhood is all about perspective. And today, I choose that being with my boys is a good day.

Read more

Today, the boys and I ventured out and had a little Sunday Funday!  Since it was such a nice day, we took a short drive out to the country to visit a local pumpkin patch, then the Nature Center, pizza for dinner and then called it a night.

While out at the pumpkin patch, I put the boys on horses for the first time and they loved it. They laughed and giggled the entire time. They talked about wanting a lasso and saying “YEEE HAWWW!”  And as I sat and watched my sons, I realized how much that they were growing up and growing up entirely too fast. They were on their own. They were sitting there on a horse and loving life. But after the horse rides, we took a hay ride over to the pumpkin patch and they listened, they played, they looked at pumpkins and they enjoyed every minute of being out there.

But what I realized, was that they were growing up. They were learning and putting things that we’ve taught them into practice. They were absorbing. They were learning. They were having fun.

When we got home, Baby B fell asleep 10 minutes after we left the restaurant and when we got home, Baby A helped me bringing in a small grocery bag, but what I didn’t realize, is that while I was getting Baby B changed and into bed, Baby A was downstairs putting the contents of the bag on the table for me. He said that he had seen me empty groceries and wanted to help. He was growing up!

What I’m learning about being a father of twins, is that no two days are alike, just like my sons. I’m learning that though Baby A has a HUGE vocabulary, Baby B can count from 0 – 30 and also in increments of 10s, from 10 to 100. I am learning that Baby A can adjust to things a lot easier than Baby B, especially if he is tired. I’m learning that you can’t compare twins, plain and simple, but what you can do, is realize that they are different individuals that just so happened were born 1 min and 30 seconds apart. I am learning that what works for one, may or may not work for the other in terms of discipline and also teaching them new things.

But what I’ve learned more than anything, is that they are becoming more and more independent and are growing up entirely too fast.

Read more

I have noticed that I use the phrase “it’s ok” a lot. When the boys fall and scrap their knee, when the boys are struggling with sharing, or like tonight when Baby A awoken with a night terror, I rocked him and tried to calm him down by saying “it’s ok”.

As a patent it is our job to provide and protect out kids. But there are times when it’s ok is a lie. Sometimes I think that we are trying to convince ourselves, in order for to  believe that things are going to be ok, when we aren’t necessarily sure or not?  Tonight was just another bad dream, but at some point it will be more serious, because after all they are children.  And at some point in time, I’ll keep telling my sons that “it’s ok”, to not only calm them down, but to calm myself down too.

But tonight, as the temperatures have started turning cooler and as Baby A and I rocked, life was more than ok.  I was able to hold and comfort him. I was able to just rock and hear him breathe. And for those few minutes, we were both ok. We were both at peace and we were both drifting off to sleep.

And as my boys grow up, they go through life, I hope that they realize this little life lesson. I hope that  at some point in time, when the roles will reverse and I am the one scared, they he will look at me and say that it’s ok.

Read more

I love going home and having conversations with the boys. The tell me about their day at school, what they did, playing with their friends and usually what they ate for lunch. To see how they get excited over playing ball with a friend is just awesome.

I just never knew having twin three year old boys could be this much fun! And as they are growing up, and conversations change, it is getting even better. They are able to tell me what they want to eat each night for dinner, clothes that they want to wear for bedtime.

With the transition to a new daycare, one thing that I’ve really noticed is that Baby B is really starting to come out of shell and talk more. He is having more and more conversations with his brother and us for that matter. He is now being forced to talk more, which has been great.  He is now asking for things that he would never do and talking about playing and sharing. But to be able to listen to the conversations between the boys is truly the best. Baby B will grab their coats and let his brother know that he has his coat that he is ready to go home now.

Read more

I blogged a few weeks ago about Ray Rice, then the full video was released and he was released by the Baltimore Ravens and suspended by the NFL.  Since the fall out of the incident, several other NFL players have been either arrested and/or it come to light that they had hit their spouse or significant other.  Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, Ray McDonald, Jonathan Dwyer, and though Adrian Peterson didn’t hit his spouse, it is alleged that he hit his son(s).

So here is the question, why? Why do men feel the need to hit women or their kids? I was not raised that way and I sure as heck will not raise my children to ever raise their hands to a woman and make her feel scared. Each case is different. Each case is currently being tried in a court of public opinion, but not in a court of law. Ray Rice’s case is not up for being reconsidered, as it would fall under double jeopardy, but McDonald, Dwyer and Peterson will have their day in court.

As father’s, it is our job to raise our sons to be leaders, role models, respected men in the communities, not beating those that can not defend themselves.  There are several issues at hand & these are strictly my opinions:

1) The NFL has not acted swiftly enough or handed out strict penalties thus far for domestic violence crimes.
2) For the record, I do not fall in the category of those that believe that the Baltimore Ravens conspired with the NFL to get Ray Rice a shorter sentence. I was fortunate enough to meet Ray a few years ago and he could not have been nicer to my sons. He talked with them and interacted with them and signed a photo for them. Was the Ray Rice incident blown out of proportion? In my opinion, no. From what I saw in the video, he punched his now wife in the face. Should be suspended indefinitely, no, as he needs to earn a living. But, does that mean that he should sit out a year, or two, yes. But that is up to the commissioner of the NFL. 3) Our society, especially father’s, are not there for their kids. I don’t mean all the time, but father’s and I am included in this, need to be present more for our kids. They want and need our attention, so shouldn’t we give that to them? Shouldn’t we want to put our phones away and spend time with our kids? But in doing so, we need to ensure that we are teaching our kids right from wrong, good vs. evil, etc.
4) As it pertains to the Peterson case, if it is true that he just spanked his son with a switch, let’s be honest, there are not enough jail cells in America to hold all  of our grandparents and parents. But, again, if we as father’s show that we don’t have to spank first and then talk to our kids, but reverse that so that we talk with our children, I really believe that we will get things going on the right track.

Having worked with professional athletes before, both at the MLB level, as well as the NFL, it is easy to get caught up in the hype that these guys play a game that we all love. But they are humans. They do bleed if you cut them. They will snap if you push too hard. It appears that the public is starting to grow weary of the NFL and the antics of some of their players. But until the NFL really gets serious, does any of this matter?

Father’s spend time with your kids. Talk with them. Take an interest. DON’T BECOME A STATISTIC.

The NFL is just a game, but hurting a spouse or child is a life altering decision.  Domestic violence is a serious thing and NO ONE should live a life of fear.

Read more

Today my wife and I celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary while we are on vacation.  As all couples, we have had struggles and challenges, but with those adversities, we came out stronger and closer.

We have had several family members to pass away, including a tragic accident that took my wife’s mother 3 months after we got married. We dealt with challenges in getting pregnant,  disa

ppointment when tests returned negative and blown away when we were told that we were having twins.

We have both had struggles and challenges with our careers, but throughout each challege, we came out stronger and closer together. So tonight as we celebrate our anniversary with our friends and family on our last night of our vacation, I am just thankful for the life that I get to live.

Read more

it is about 11pm and I am sitting out on the porch at the beach, doing a little star gazing. And I wonder if the stars got a little brighter tonight?

I got a call around 7pm from my Godfather, but since I was putting the boys to bed, I had to let the  call goto voice mail.  This was not our usual call about the Yankees, politics, UNC basketball or the boys.  This was a call to let me know that this brother in law, a man that I have known my whole life, was caught if a rip current today and died.

After hours of phone tag and text messages, I just got word that George passed away.  I can’t sleep.  I mourn for BJ & the boys.  I mourn for my Godfather tonight. I remember George being larger than life.  I just saw BJ a few months ago.  This doesn’t seem real.

So tonigtt, I say a prayer for the family and for Geoger’s soul.  I pray that BJ is strong through this and is comforted by those around her.

And tonight, as I rock, looking at the ocean and listening to the waves crash & watching distant lightening crashes, I am start gazing and trying to make sense out of something that dowse t make sense.

Tomorrow, I will hug the boys tighter and I will treasure the moment, as that is all that we have.

 

 

 

Read more