Life

Last night was an emotional night in Feurgson, Mo. and the world was watching intently. The reality of the situation is pretty easy, there are no winners, only losers in this situation.

The facts are this, an young man lost his life. A police officer did his job.

Could the death of Michael Brown have been avoided, possibly, but we weren’t there, so it is hard to speculate. But a family had to lay to rest their son way too early in life.

I hope and pray that the family, in time, can begin the healing process and move forward. It will never bring their son back, but it will help them, but time can ease some of that pain.

My children will one day read about the Feurgson shooting. They will read about the case and ultimately the rioting afterwards. This country has a long ways to go toward building a bridge with our race relations and I hope and pray that the verdict in the Feurgson shooting will not derail that.

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Being a parent isn’t always easy, but at the sometime, being a child isn’t either and I say that, because I am both. I am a parent to my awesome kids, but I also am a child to my parents.

Yesterday was just one of those days, it was just a day mixed with emotions. I had to say goodbye to a good friend over the weekend, as he and his wife decided to split up & though he and I will remain in contact, it is hard knowing that I’ll only see him a few more times.  I had a former boss, who was a mentor and even better friend to me pass away over the weekend and his funeral was yesterday and I wasn’t able to attend. And then to top it all off, my Dad texted me that my cousins husband had committed suicide. So we are talking about a lot of serious things here, but we are also talking about life.

Life is hard. As parents, we want to protect our kids from life. We want to shelter and try to protect them from the dangers and evils that lurk out there. As child, we want our independence and freedom to test the water and see what we can and can not do. My Dad asked me last night how I would have handled letting my kids (it was a hypothetical) know about my friend’s death? I didn’t know? I haven’t been forced to share with them about life and death.  I haven’t had to do it, I know that I will soon. I know that I will have to tell them about their grandmother who was killed in a car accident, well before they were born. And then I’ll have to tell them what an amazing person that she was and how much she would have loved them and would have wanted to play and spend time with them.

As adults, we have challenges everyday. We have bills to pay. Stresses of finances, marriage, and everything else that could be thought of. But it is how we handle it, that separates us.

To my buddy that is separating from his wife. I am sorry. I am sorry that you were faced with that decision. I am sorry that things didn’t work out and that you’ve had to make this decision.

To my cousin, who’s husband committed suicide. I am truly sorry. No parent should ever have to tell their child that their spouse took their own life. There were demons there with him and he struggled for years, but there were other options. But to my cousin, I am sorry for your loss.

And to my friend that past away. You have made an impression on my life, that will never go away. You taught and shared words of encouragement, when I really needed them. You showed me the importance of leadership and how to be firm, but more importantly fair with people.

Life. Life is a thing that isn’t explained. Today, we have. Right now, we have. But life, it is how we choose to live it. And that is what I hope to leave my children with. That living life everyday to the fullest is one of the most important things that they can do. Live for today. Live for right now. Live for family and friends.

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When the boys are tired, it really makes for long day for us on the weekend. Our goal is to keep them as busy as possible on the weekends, doing things that are fun and educational, but mostly fun on the weekends, so we really want them warn out so that they will get a goodnight sleep.

Today was no different, except my wife and I both are still sick. My wife has a bad cold and I’m still fighting a sinus infection and honestly, the highs today were in the low 30s and staying in and playing and reading and watching a few Christmas movies, just seemed like a better idea. But, we also paid for it too, because the boys had a lot of energy and they didn’t expand nearly all of that energy, so we had more tantrums and crying. Translation, today was really a long day for me, as my wife was resting trying to get better.

The boys and I played Dinosaurs, Thomas the Train, watched Elf on the Shelf and Polar Express. We talked, we laughed, we ran around the house, but towards the end of the day, I could just tell that they were exhausted. But they held in, they fussed, threw a few tantrums, but when we watched the Polar Express, they were really engaged. They have already wished us a Merry Christmas. And by 6pm, they were ready to eat. I fixed them a quick meal, got them in the bath and tonight the boys were down in less than 15 minutes.

Long days are hard. They are hard when you are by yourself and having to do it all, because I also had to do laundry, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen and also clear out the fridge. The kids did a great job letting me get all those things done as well, but with the medication that I’m on, I’m not sleeping that well, so I’m exhausted, the kids are exhausted, it just make for a really long day.

But after getting them in bed and covered, I kissed them in the head and whispered in their ears that I loved them. And in that very moment, as I was making my way to the door to head downstairs, the day wasn’t that bad, even though it was a really long day.

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As we grow older and face certain realities, we realize that life changes have to be the first thing that we evaluate and begin changing.

This week I started my P90 Workouts and Shakeology & of course I got sick. It seems that whenever I start to really workout, I seem to always get sick. But this time, I did something different. I was able to get in 1 workout in the last 3 days and should be able to get back into tomorrows workout, but I modified my diet and I’m happy to report that I’m down 5 pounds already.

But weight loss is only one of the life changes that I’m making. I’ve also cut back drinking alcohol to 1 beer or a glass of wine a day. I was really only doing 1 – 2 a day anyway, which is going to really help with the weight loss too. And the other big life change is that I’ve started evaluating all of my recipes and coming up with healthier ways to cook them.

Life changes are hard. But change is hard, but my hope is that the changes that I’m working on implementing and plan on continuing will allow me to be around a long time for my children and my wife.

 

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Love is patient, love is kind.

How many times have you heard that at a wedding? But have you thought about it as it pertains to your kids? With twins, usually if one kid is sick, the other kid will get it too.

This morning, I was cooking breakast, listening to Miles Davis as the kids were playing. Baby A was getting over the croup cough and a fever and Baby B was coming down with a fever. And as I cooked, I thought of a familiar Bible verse and I thought about it in a completely different way:

love is patient, love is kind

Baby A was trying us, he was tired, he was fussy, he was trying to fight with his brother who was fighting a fever and I was trying to cook breakfast and the kids were fighting on sofa and it hit me

Love is patient, love is kind

and it can really mean multiple things at different times in our lives.  It can be a bible verse that is read during your wedding, in times of trouble, I have even heard that verse read at a funeral, but not once have I read/heard that verse rreferenced to child raising.

Today was a trying day.  One kid that was on the minds, one kid that was fighting a fever and my patience was really being tested.  I was struggling to be able to cook and do a little cleaning while the boys were fighting. But, as I thought about the verse, the word that hit me the hardest was love. Because without love, there is no patience. Without love, none of this happens.

So as we get one boy over a sickness and another through the sickness, love remains.

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I don’t do this very often, so I apologize but this morning, I just felt that I needed to blog about this. Facebook can be a wonderful tool. But it can also be a way to keep in touch with friends and old classmates that you haven’t seen or talked with in years.

Two nights ago I saw a lot of facebook statuses asking prayers for a girl named Melissa. Based on which friends were posting these updates, I wasn’t exactly sure who Melissa was? My high school was not that big, but we had a decent class size. Well, last night I found out which Melissa everyone was praying for and why.

She was a mother of 6. That is right, 6 kids ranging from 16 to 2. But two nights ago after a family dinner, she was in a car accident with her husband and children and she sustained injuries that left her dead. 6 kids. A husband. Parents and friends are all left asking why?

I am not going to lie, I don’t remember Melissa. She was a year behind me and if she did not play sports, I probably spoke in the hallways and that was it. But today, we have something in common. We have little kids. And the thought of her husband having to explain death to their children breaks my heart.

So today, if you believe or pray, could you say a little prayer for Melissa and her family? Her family has a long and hurtful road ahead of them and they need all the help that they can get.

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Boys will be boys and fights and rough housing will happen. It is just a part of nature. But one thing that I’ve started doing is that when the kids start getting a little to rough, I make them stop and Hug It Out.

I want them to get into the habit of realizing that they have to be nice to each other. They are brothers, best friends and sometimes in life, we aren’t going to agree on everything. But even though we might not agree, we have to be nice to each other, so just Hug It Out.

Last weekend, the boys were playing and one thing led to another and Baby B was getting ready to bite his brother and as soon as I saw him going in, I called his name and he froze. He knew that he was going to get in trouble. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. So, not only was he going straight to time out, but first he had to hug his brother and tell him he was sorry.

Life lessons are never to early to start. So many times we as adults I think lose focus of being nice to each other. I think that we are just in a rush for everything, not realizing how we are effecting others. I’ve realized that more and more as I look at my sons. Am I being in a rush and overlooking things with them? Am I being hard on them after a long day?

So when life gets to be a little hard, you get a little frustrated, you just need to say that you are sorry. Hug It Out!

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Changing leavesJust like the leaves are changing and the seasons are changing, I am finding the need to make some changes in my life too. And today seems like a greT day to start.

1) lose weight – I need to lose 30 pounds atleast, but probably more  I want to be around for my kids.  So today I walked about 10,000 steps, and continued to modify my diet by implementing a morning Beachbody Shakeology Shake.

2) find a church home – This has really bothered me, just as much as the being overweight.  I miss the church and fellowship that I had when I was in Texas and it is something that I want my kids to  have as they grow up.

3) better financial position – This is a constant struge for most Americans.  One minute I feel that we are moving in the right direction, the next I am up all night worrying.  My wife and I are really focused on getting out of debt and have been throwing all the extra cash that we can at paying down credit card debt.  But, if we can get all of our debt paid off in 2 years, we should be able to save enough to pay for all 4 years of college for both boys and increase our 401k contributions from 8 to 12%+!

4) technology- My job and life revolves around technology  so this is going to be hard.  But I really want to cut back on my usage and dependency on technology.  This is crucial because I constantly get emails, text messages, calls, etc and everytime one of those messages comes in at night, it takes away from my kids.

These are a lot of changes and I realize that.  But i have asked several friends and my wife to help keep me accountable and focused.  So as the seasons are changing and the leaves have started to slowly change colors, I too am changing and I hope that these changes are for the best and for my sons.

 

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The definition of the word Faith is:

1) strong belief or trust in someone or 2) something or  belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs – according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Faith means so much to so many different people and I remember that growing up, this was a word that my father used a lot and in many different contexts.   But one of the primary ways that he would use, was when he would quote the movie Hogans Heroes and the quote went like this:

Oddball: [looking at aerial pics of the a remaining bridge] Beautiful.
Moriarty: suppose the bridge ain’t there?
Oddball: [groans] Don’t hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It’s a mother, beautiful bridge, and it’s gonna be there. Ok?
Oddball: [Later: Oddball is looking through binoculars at the bridge] Still up!
Oddball: [planes fly and bomb the bridge] … No it ain’t. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?
Moriarty: That ain’t my fault, Oddball, I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left!

For my Dad, he related faith to the bridge, that the bridge would be there because he believed it. I remembered him saying this time and time again as I grew up. I remember talking with my Dad right before my parents separated and I asked how he was doing and he semi-smiled and said “I have faith, because I know that the bridge will be there tomorrow when I wake up.”

As I have grown up, I’ve viewed Faith in many different ways, but this morning, before I even left for work, I found myself telling my wife, “you gotta believe that the bridge is going to be there.” She was so confused, but it made total sense to me and I just had to smile. You see, in the last 24 hours the following has occurred:

  1. A job that I really wanted, fell through. We were too far apart in salary requirements. And it would have required us to relocate and to a place that I really wanted to move to.
  2. A good friend found out that she has Stage 4 Cancer and has 2 – 6 months left to live.
  3. As I walked to my Jeep this morning, a neighbor informed me that she side swiped me.

Most of yesterday and last night and even into this morning, I was really bummed out about the job. I had really hoped that it was going to work out, for a lot of reasons, but it didn’t. My friend, I am just at a loss for words for that and for her family. And by the time I got outside to talk with the neighbor, I just had to laugh. I had to laugh, because crying was not an option.

As I walked away from looking at the damage on my Jeep, I went and helped put the kids in the van and was talking to the boys. Baby A asked if I was mad because my Jeep had a boo boo?  I just smiled and said “no buddy, I’m not mad, because the bridge will be there tomorrow, because I have faith.” Did he understand what I was saying? Nope. But it helped me and I hope that it showed him that I didn’t get upset, lose my cool or get mad. And I hope that as the boys grow up, they see that I live a life of faith and that it helps guide my daily life and how I conduct myself and I hope that it serves as a model for them as they grow up.

 

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My wife sent me this story. My mom sent me a link to this story. And co-workers sent me a link to this story, so finally, I broke down and read 30 Struggles Only a 3-Year-Old Would Understand. And if you are reading the article, you know and understand the world of 3 year old struggles.

Yes, 3 is hard. So was 2. My guess, 4 will pose some challenges as well. But my point is this, when is raising a child not hard? Sure the list of things from this article are all valid and try it with twin 3 year olds, because you have double the struggles.

What I am realizing with our boys at 3 1/2, is that they are learning their way through the world. They are trying to figure out, what they can and can not do. That there are rules that have to be followed, for their own safety. And more importantly, they are adapting. They are adapting to all of the changes around them that happens each and everyday. Change could be with the routine change of daycare to their curiosity of helping me cook dinner.

Everyday, we as adults struggle. Work and our careers. Getting the kids ready and out the door for daycare, what to cook, friends, family, etc. So, why shouldn’t we expect our 3 year old struggles as they go through their day?

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