Anxiety

I have been bothered lately by anxiety. Let me rephrase that, for the first time in my life, I am understanding that I struggle with anxiety and I’m trying to get help for it.

Anxiety is an emotion caused by a belief in potential loss

Reading that 1 simple line at church hit me like a ton of bricks!   For years, I have struggled with letting things get to me, but not knowing how to process or effectively deal with the issues. I would internalize things to the point, that I would blow up and be completely stressed out.

Buy why? What was causing all of this? Honestly, I still don’t know for sure? I do know that I’m trying to figure out why I am unable to relax. Unable to deal with certain things.

Anxiety for some, is much worse that what I deal with. But, it is very real for me. I have had several people in the last several months comment that I was working my way to a heart attack. That scared the hell out of me. Friends and co-workers, people that I spend a lot of time with, were seeing what I could not. They recognized a change in me that was not good. They saw how tired I looked, which then I would have to talk about not sleeping.

Oh right, part of my anxiety is that I’m not sleeping either. If I get 2-3 hours a night, I’m doing good. But in rereading that line from church, the part that hit me was the part about the belief in a potential loss.

So what am I afraid of losing? Friends? Family? Relationships? Not sure? But something is causing me to be anxious a lot more than I should.

I have recognized that after seeing the movie I Can Only Imagine, that I have realized things from my childhood that I did not deal with. Whether on purpose or not, I didn’t. So, maybe that could be it?

Regardless of what it is, I am for the first time trying to figure out a healthy solution, to deal with this problem.

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We are wrapping up Week 1 of ADHD for my son and so far, not so bad. And by that, I really don’t know?

I didn’t know what to expect when we started the medication for him to be honest? I really expected him to oppose the medication and he has not at all.  Granted, his physician told us to give it to him in a spoonful of ice cream for breakfast, so who would really complain about that? But, I really don’t know the true effects of the medication either?

We have talked with his daycare provider on a daily and sometimes multiple times a day to get a gauge on his behavior and the two things that have stood out are:

  1. There hasn’t been a HUGE change. Meaning, he is a little more focused, but he is still getting frustrated.
  2. The medication is not lasting as long as we had hoped.

For the first item about still getting frustrated. This is kind of a no brainier, as he is still dealing with anxiety related issues. The hope is that over time those will be less of an issue because he is more focused. There are 2 quick thoughts to this: 1) the dosage is to low and 2) he is bored at daycare. And I personally think that it is a combination of the two. He loves going to the daycare, most days, but he and his brother are older by several years in most cases over the other kids.

As for the medication not lasting very long, most of the medications for ADHD claim to last up to 12 hours. Honestly, we are seeing 8 hours or less. And based off of the other indications, i.e. anxiety, wearing off around 3:00 pm we are going to call his physician tomorrow about upping his mediation by 5 mg.

This is all a trial and error. It is a trial and error for my wife and I as much as it is for my son and his brother. At this point, we are just trying to find the right combination for my son before he starts back to school, as this year, he will be required to complete homework assignments and today, he would not be able to focus on them long enough to complete them.

Tomorrow, we find out if his physician agrees that he needs to be moved up to a higher dosage, because school starts in just a few days.

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Well and there you go, 4 little letters this weekend, ADHD and now we have a diagnosis.

The last year has not been the easiest for us. We have have Boy B in Occupational Therapy and also seeing a child psychologist. And through all of these things, which he has grown a lot, we got the results of his psychological assessment.

Was I shocked, not really? I was actually more shocked when I shared with some family members the results and they asked if I was ok with the results? The results are what they are. Heck, I really was expecting him to fall on the autism spectrum. And besides, I’m not so sure that I did not and probably still do have characteristics of ADHD. So, no, I am not shocked.

But, I am learning at the speed of light some things that we will be doing differently. We have an appointment to his pediatrician this week, but we will also be drastically changing his diet. And just by a very quick Google search for ADHD diet for Children yielded a large list of ideas. Overall, it is interesting to discover how much nutrition plays a direct role into ADHD into the balance of the medication.

And yes, we have decided that, assuming that the Pediatrician wants to go the route of medication, which I am assuming they will, we are open to it. Are there pros and cons to medicine yes. And if you don’t agree with our decision, do I care what your opinion is? No! It is an opinion for a reason and I respectfully ask that you keep yours to yourself. We are making the best decision that we can for our son and we have sought out the advice of multiple people, both in the education and medical fields and they all agreed that medication was appropriate.

I had struggled for a long time about if we were faced with this decision, what would we do? I have struggled with an unknown factor, i.e. will my son’s personality be different? I have struggled with the fact of knowing that my son CAN NOT control his hyperactivity! I have seen it too many times. I have watched him struggle to focus. I have talked with his teachers and they have shared the same things that we were seeing at home.

I love my son. I love both of them equally. But my wife and I have to make the best decision for them, as they can not make the decision for themselves. And our hope and prayer, is that we are able to get the right balance of medication, diet and continued therapies so assist him, so that he is not on medication long term, but will be on it as long as he needs it.

The decision to put him on medication was not an easy one nor was it one that we took lightly. But, we are doing what will help him going forward, especially in school, to make him successful.

This is our new life. This is my son’s new life. He has a diagnosis. We finally know what we are dealing with, so that we can better deal with it. My sons are the most important thing to me and I will do what I can to give them the best that I can, even when it is going to be something like medication.

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Not sure what is going on with Boy B, but in the last week, there has been major regression in his behavior? Nothing has really changed, but something is going on.

I’ve noticed that once again, little things are setting him off. He is constantly talking about how anxious he is and how frustrated he is getting. I have analyzed his schedule and the surrounding factors and nothing makes sense. The only variable, was that my wife was gone for 6 days and that is the only change in his schedule.

His eating and sleeping has been on schedule, day care, etc have to. But this week has been rough. He has been out of sorts and has been hard to deal with at day care. These are the moments of frustration for me as a parent. These are the times that I try analyze the thought process of a child and their thinking. And the reality is, there is no logic.

As a parent, especially those of us with children that have issues or whatever label you chose to place on them, it is hard. I feel that I have to always adapt and that I have to always analyze his moods and behaviors.  I really feel that we started to turn the corner and getting things on track. But he has really had a major step back with this regression with his behavior.

Prior to my son starting OT and seeing a child psychologist, he would scream and yell and jump up and down when he did not get his way. He would loose control in a second. As we started working on certain things, specifically fine motor skills in OT and he was on a routine with the child psychologist, things got better. We say immediate results and transformations.

So, when things get off course like this past week, it really makes it hard and then you add on top of that, my wife was in a serious car accident this week as well.  Life has been hard and parenting is hard work too and sometimes it just doesn’t all make sense.  But I really hope that we can get to the bottom of this regression and turn it around because with everything else going on, I really hope to get it together.

 

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As a parent, we deal with a constant change. What happens happen today, might completely change tomorrow.  This is all part of life, right? Of course, but when there are other factors involved, it does make it a little more challenging.

I feel lately that we have been in a state of constant change with Boy B. One minute, things are great, the next he is beating up his brother. Granted, having had a younger sister, I get the fighting thing, but only to a point. And my wife, who is an only child, doesn’t get it.

I have seen so much growth in my son that it is beyond amazing. And yet, when the outbursts happen or he hits his brother, it feels that we took a few steps back. BUT and this is the most important thing, even though we have these issues, he is growing out of many that he had and the outbursts are decreasing.

So in a state of constant change, it is good to see a lot of growth. And with it being the summer and less structure, that has not helped with some of the behaviors that we have seen as well.

 

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Disappointment is a HUGE part of life and sadly, it happens on a daily basis. And this week, has been a HUGE disappointment for me, both personally and professional. BUT, there is a way to look it, complain or move on.

Personally, I have had a really good friend that has been in the hospital for the past week and things don’t look good for him. He had an emergency surgery and has just struggled since coming out of surgery. The doctors are not sure what the problem(s) is/are, but are trying to do everything that they can for him. But this is going to be a long road of recovery for my friend. He is going to have a hard time, but I just hope that he gets that chance.

Professionally, I have been given more to do at work. Most would say awesome to that, but when I am basically doing the job of 4 people, I can only do but so much. And I finally broke down last night and said that I wasn’t liking who I was becoming and a large part of that is due to stress of work. I don’t like feeling like I am bringing work home. I do not like feeling like I need a break before playing with the kids.

Adding fuel to the fire, I am beginning to think that I was passed over for a job that was a dream job, though I have not been officially told. Yet another large part of disappointment for the week. This could have opened new opportunities for me. This could have been the career path that I was looking for. But, it might not happen and I’m frustrated, no, disappointed.I have really struggled this week, more so that I can every really remember to be honest and I think that that is ok. I think that it is ok to be disappointed when bad things happen to you, but it is how we handle them going forward determines our real long outcome. Jobs will come and go, it is just a fact. And yes, I really thought that this was it. This was going to be the one and my next career path. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be? Maybe it wasn’t where I was supposed to be long term, but for today, I am disappointed and that is ok.

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As a kid, I loved my school break, I mean, loved it! As a parent, I truly hate my kids school break. Selfishly of course, but it has totally messed their schedules up. And for their teachers, they need the break, so I get it.

I have noticed a big difference with Boy B, both before their break and now after and it has been a struggle getting him back on track. Now, that being said, there are other factors, but my point is that the 2 week break has set him back. It has been harder for him to focus and to adjust to the routine of going to school as well. We did keep them on the same bed time schedule while they were out of school as well.

We have had to do a lot of things to ensure that his schedule is on track and spending time, calming him down if his schedule changes.  These are all things that we have to be very in tone with him and what his needs are. Does this add a layer of stress or complexity to our lives? A little. But what it does, in my opinion, is make us better parents.

So today, even though there is no school, we are keeping his lunch schedule the exact same as it would be at school. And we are also breaking his day up into the same intervals that it would be if he were at school. It also helps me see the where the triggers are in his stress levels and helps me adjust his day as needed. I know that school break is important for both the teachers and the students, but does it have to be a 2 week period?

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Today is a new day and it is for several reasons. The obvious doesn’t even need to be said, but late yesterday we got a letter from the boys physician to have Boy B to be tested for Sensory Processing Disorder and if you don’t know what it is or have never heard of it, neither had I, so take a read for yourself by clicking here.

This has been something that we’ve been dealing with for a while and there has been some improvements in his behavior and then some days, I feel that we take 3 steps back. But now, I feel like we have a direction. And with my son, he doesn’t hit all of the characteristics, but one of the biggest issues that we have been faced with is that when his schedule is changed at school, he really struggles to regroup and go with the change. His day is thrown off at school, not as much at home, but at home he can be upset for a period of time before transitioning into what we need for him to do.

So today, his teacher and the Occupational Therapist at his school are meeting today to formulate a plan based off of their observations and then we’ll all meet to discuss how to best help my son.  And please understand, outside of the change of schedule meltdowns, you probably would not even realize that there is something going on with him. He is a very normal child. He plays with toys and has a very interactive imagination, he loves to play with his brother and others, he enjoys drawing and telling stories and has even started singing, and he is actually ahead academically. But all that being said, he needs some help with his writing and fine motor skills and he needs some help with his behavior and how he adapts to changes.

I am still learning about Sensory Processing Disorder and trying to see what we can do at the house to also help him as well. The things that we can do in conjunction with the Occupational Therapist will only enable him to grow and learn how to be more successful.

So, today is a new day. A new day to embrace change and help for my son and help him learn to better cope with things.

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Failure is a word that I have used several times today to describe how I felt today. And yes, maybe failure is a strong word, but that is how I feel. I feel that I have failed my sons in someway, that I haven’t been able to help them as much as I should maybe, because that is the only explanation I have when both boys had bad days at school yesterday.

I don’t know if it is the adjustment back to school schedules from the Thanksgiving break or what, but Monday was great for the boys, but Tuesday, not so much. Boy A’s teacher emailed us last night letting us know that he didn’t finish his work and that he kicked a chair because he was frustrated and threw a pencil. THREW A PENCIL! Seriously? At 5? Not acceptable.

So that was one kid, Boy B got upset because a guest speaker came in and it completely threw his day off. Stomped his feet. Argued with his teacher. And it was just not a good day. The teacher called us 5 minutes after I walked in and filled us in on his day. Again, not acceptable, granted, there is a specific reason that we are dealing with as to why he behaved that way, but now we have to figure out a way to get him the help that he needs to help control his temper and his actions.

Today, I feel like a failure and that I have failed them with providing them with certain guidance and tools to help control their emotions. I know that I am doing all that I can and what is best for them, but right now, in this very moment, I feel that I am a failure.

But for now, as I sit at the office, I have time to work through this feeling. On my drive home tonight, I will have time to work through this feeling of failure. But as I walk into the house tonight, I need to hug both of them and talk with them about our expectations.

There will be a few new changes to the boys after school routine going forward.
1) There will be no more tv during the week. We usually give them 30 minutes to watch tv and relax after work. No more. Or at least not until things change. 2) No more seeing friends after school.
3) 30 minutes of free time and then it will be time to do homework, cleaning up toys and preparing for dinner and then bed.

As I type this, I still feel like I have failed them, but my hope is that as I walk into the house tonight, that I am able to realize, that I am preparing them for life and giving them the tools that they need to succeed.

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It is amazing what you can remember some days, but when I was a kid, my mom bought me a worry stone and I was allowed to use it when I felt anxious. Well, Boy B has talked a lot lately about feeling anxious and it hit me this morning after walking him to the bus, why not try a worry stone.

So while drinking another cup of coffee this morning, I thought that I would do a few quick searches and see if I could come up with a way to make my own worry stones for the boys, because then they could color them and really make them their own. Besides, my mother gave me a worry stone that was a rock and I just see that going through a window or against his brother’s head. So, here are some great resource that I found this morning, not just for the worry stone, but also for other things that can be made at home if you have anxious children.

The School Counseling Files – The Mind Jar idea and Fidget tools were awesome and will probably be made this weekend here. I’ve been having the boys to draw and color when they are frustrated or upset and use that as a way to deflect their anger.

Behavioral Interventions – Here is the worry stone that we are going to make this weekend. And I have a feeling that the boys are going to love doing this. Not only from the texture stand point, but being able to color and personalize their own worry stones.

Pinterest – what doesn’t Pinterest have?

Creative Elementary School Counselor – Here is another blog post about worry stones and how to make them at home.

I hope that these resources will be of assistance and once we finish the boys worry stones this weekend, I will post a photo of the final product and hopefully report back that some of these things have helped calm Boy B down a little and helped with his anxiety.

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