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Heroes don’t wear capes and masks, instead they wear uniforms and business suits and dresses, and overalls. Heroes are everyday normal humans that do extraordinary things on a daily basis.

Teachers, doctors, famers, fire fighters, police officers, soliders and the list goes on and on, these are true heroes. They put their lives on the line daily or they do something for the better of the world. And more importantly, they do amazing things with little to no fan fare or rarely a thank you.

Today, as I type this, my grandfather, who is one of my heroes, is laying in a hospital bed and is coming to the end of his life. He fought in World War II, he was a farmer, he was a father and grandfather, brother, uncle, etc. But more importantly, he contributed to society in different ways and made everyone that came in contact with him a better person.

He is always quick with a joke or a smile and he has never known a stranger in his life. Even when he is down or not feeling well, he is doing everything he can to make someone else’s day better. Through out the last several months as his health has steadily declined, he never once complained. He never once asked for pity or for someone to feel bad for him. Instead, he offers advice, he tells a joke and he makes others ok with were he is in his life and in knowing what the future holds.

My grandfather has lived a great life. He lived within his means and built up a legacy for his entire family and has been a rock for us all. And as we come to the end of his life, I have struggled with making sure that I have asked all of the questions that I wanted to know. I have wanted to ensure that he is comfortable and ready to leave this world, because when I get the call, though it will be a sad moment, he will no longer be struggling.

So as we watch what is going on in the world today, I reflect more on what lessons of life I have learned from my grandfather, because he is a hero that wore a farmer’s hat and drove a tractor.

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This past Friday, I took the day off from work to be a chaperone on my sons school field trip. Is this how I would normally want to spend a day off? Nope. But what a great day!

The boys and I walked over 5 miles that morning at the fair and visited every single exhibit with farm animals that they had. We laughed. We joked. And most importantly, we had a lot of fun.

At some point in time during our trip, one of the boys asked if my father ever went on a field trip. One thing that I have realized is that there are parts of my childhood that my kids do not need. Will it serve them any purpose in knowing that my father didn’t spend a lot of time with me? Do they need to know that he put work before me?

I just smiled and pointed out that a cow had just pooped and the boys went running and laughing. But it got me thinking while I was walking around the fair and looking at the other chaperones and I was one of the only Dads that was there. I understand it, it is hard to take off of work. I had to cancel 4 meetings in order to go on the field trip, but it was important for me to be there. My son’s need to know that they are my priority!

All Dad’s and future Dad’s, spend everyday as if it was your last. Give your children your undivided attention and it is not always easy to do, but try. Put the phone down and listen. Read at night to your children. TV can wait and so can responding to the emails that are sitting in your inbox.

As I watched my boys interact with their classmates and show their engagement with the animals and asking questions, I thought about the previous year and how much they had grown. I realized that I will never get today back. And in a few years, the boys will not want me to go on a field trip with them. So for today, right now, I will be glad to take off every chance that I can to spend time with my sons. I will be glad to be the only Dad going with their kids.

And more importantly, I want to make sure that my sons know that I have and will always make them a priority.

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This is strictly a homework rant about how first graders should not be doing homework.

Everything, I spend 10 – 15 minutes working with the boys on learning how to read and work on words that they might not know or missed during school today. And by this, I mean that the take turns, get in my lap and they read and I assist with words that they might not know.

Each and every night, minus Wednesday because on Wednesday we also do Math homework too. So the homework rant is this, why? Why are first graders reading at school and then coming home and doing more and reading more? Kids need to play. They need to be outside, running and getting dirty.

Instead, we take turns reading. The boys ask me questions. They relate the books that they are reading to their lives, like why they still have training wheels on their bikes? That lead to how bikes are balanced with training wheels and how  they have an expressed interest in taking the training wheels off.

Then they asked about pizza, because they each read a book tonight about making pizza.  As they read, they asked why certain topics were on some pizzas. Why some didn’t like bacon on their pizza and for that question, I just had no answer for them.

My point is this, as the boys grow older, they are going to be doing more and more homework. But today as I type out my homework rant, I am so grateful that they want to climb in my lap, put their heads on me and read to me.

Bring on homework, until they get into common core math, then I will have to pay a tutor.

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And just like that, the boys hopped on the bus and were off to their first day of school. No problems. No trying to reassure them of their day, nothing. But in reality, I was hoping that they were going to reassure me about their day.

The first is over, the boys have started first grade, so they know the teachers, were to go, etc. And as the bus pulled away from the stop, my wife and I looked at each other in amazement. Not that we had any doubt that the boys were not going to do great, but because they are growing up so fast.

So as my wife and I walked home and got ready to head over to a local restaurant for breakfast, we talked about the summer, we talked about the day for the boys and realized how much they are growing up.

The summer is officially over! School has started back and we are looking forward to seeing the boys grow up even more.

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I have held off saying a lot about Hurricane Harvey and I did so for a reason, I didn’t know what to say? Was I going to discuss the disaster? Was I going to discuss the loss of lives and devastation? The political rhetoric that has been thrown around? Or, was I going to talk about how I was personally effected?

Honestly, I still don’t know what to say? This will probably be a rambling post, but that is ok. I think often times, we struggle to find the right words to say in the aftermath of this disaster.

I am from North Carolina and at the age of 21, I packed up my jeep and moved just north of Houston to a town called The Woodlands. There, my life changed for the better. It changed because I went out with what I could put in my jeep and my best friend John, who was already living there, we got an apartment and I became who I am today. Houston is the 4th largest city in the US, so for me, I had never lived near that large of a city.

My first week of living in The Woodlands, I drove to downtown Houston to see the sights and to get use to the traffic and to the area, but what really happened was I fell in love with the city. I feel in love the area, the people, the culture, etc. And had I not accepted, at what I thought was a great job on the east coast, I would still be there today. I to this day, love Houston and more importantly, the great state of Texas.

The food and the music to this day have been completed changed because of my time there.   BBQ has an entire different feel for me today than it did in North Carolina because of Brisket and smoked sausage.  Tex-Mex and Mexican food, I don’t even know where to begin on this, but I think that Lyle Lovett said it best and is words that I still live by to this day:

Never eat Mexican food east of Mississippi or north of Dallas. – Lyle Lovett from a Southern Living article.

And the music is just amazing. From seeing King George Strait, Lyle Lovett, Robert Earl Keen, Pat Green, Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen and the list just go on and on.  To this day, when these artists are in town, I try like hell to get back, because for a few hours, I get to relive my time in Texas.

Texas is a part of me. It made me who I am today. It shaped me into the father, husband, man etc that I am today. It forced me to make new friends and leap outside of my comfort zone. I had to abandon things and views that I thought were one way to realize that it was really another. I changed into a better person, because of the years that I lived in Texas and for that, I am forever grateful.

So as I sat and watched the storm unfold, I was in constant contact with my family and friends that live there. I saw through their photos via text and on Facebook what was going on. And then the days after, I saw media photos of places where I worked or drove to and from work or the damage that my church had. But through it all, my friends and family are safe. The church can be repaired from the flooding, again. And Texas will rebuild, hell if you have ever spent anytime in Texas, you’ll know that not only will the city and residents rebuild, they will rebuild even bigger than before. That is the Texas way. That is Texas Pride!

As I listened to a friend the other night discuss the political tone and how the GOP failed to pass legislation when Hurricane Sandy hit New Jersey, I couldn’t help be thinking that he was missing something. Regardless of the political views, the residents were rallying around each other and helping one another in a way that can not be described. People that did not know each other and regardless of color, political views, religious views were there helping to save the lives of their fellow Texans.

Hurricane Harvey hits really close to home for me. I have a good friend that was working the entire time as a fireman. I have friends that are in law enforcement there. I have close family there. I have friends that have serious medical conditions that were unsure about treatments that they were going to have. And through it all, you see Houston Texans J.J. Watt started a fund with a goal of $200,00o to be raised to help the residents of Houston and at this time, it has raised over $16 million.

Houston is Houston Strong and that will not change. Hurricane Harvey will not destroy the great state of Texas or the city of Houston and surrounding cities for that matter. If you are able to give, please do so, as it will take years to rebuild. And there is a reason why the phrase “Don’t Mess With Texas” is so true. Texans have rallied in a time of disaster to help those in need. So as I type this out, my heart and prayers are with those today and always, in a city and state that I truly love.

God Bless Texas!

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The summer is almost over and it is going to be back to school next week. But first, we are going to have a blow out this weekend of fun!

Due to a heavy rain today, it will be a low key day inside today and today starts college football season.  And let’s be honest, football season is really important. But the kids are actually doing a little prep of food for their first week back and they are helping me plan their meals.

Last year, we let the boys buy their food the second half of the school year because let’s be honest, it was easier. But now because we have an official diagnosis of ADHD for my son, we really wanted to try and change up his diet a little.  There has been a overload of reading of diets and things that can help with ADHD, so why not give it a try? And besides, it will be cheaper for us long term in terms of buying food and I can ensure that he will be getting a good lunch.

As I have been told by numerous people, especially teachers, the jump from Kindergarten to First Grade is big in terms of reading more and doing more math, I wanted the boys to have a low key weekend. So, FUN is in on the agenda. We are watching UNC play today on tv and then doing a little grilling. Tomorrow we are going to the Zoo and then on Monday, maybe a movie in the morning and then grilling out again. A good nights sleep and then off to school on Monday.

Summer is almost over and the beginning of a new school year is coming up within just a few days. The boys have had a blast going to camps and learning how to swim. But now, it is time for fun to shift to learning.

 

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We are wrapping up Week 1 of ADHD for my son and so far, not so bad. And by that, I really don’t know?

I didn’t know what to expect when we started the medication for him to be honest? I really expected him to oppose the medication and he has not at all.  Granted, his physician told us to give it to him in a spoonful of ice cream for breakfast, so who would really complain about that? But, I really don’t know the true effects of the medication either?

We have talked with his daycare provider on a daily and sometimes multiple times a day to get a gauge on his behavior and the two things that have stood out are:

  1. There hasn’t been a HUGE change. Meaning, he is a little more focused, but he is still getting frustrated.
  2. The medication is not lasting as long as we had hoped.

For the first item about still getting frustrated. This is kind of a no brainier, as he is still dealing with anxiety related issues. The hope is that over time those will be less of an issue because he is more focused. There are 2 quick thoughts to this: 1) the dosage is to low and 2) he is bored at daycare. And I personally think that it is a combination of the two. He loves going to the daycare, most days, but he and his brother are older by several years in most cases over the other kids.

As for the medication not lasting very long, most of the medications for ADHD claim to last up to 12 hours. Honestly, we are seeing 8 hours or less. And based off of the other indications, i.e. anxiety, wearing off around 3:00 pm we are going to call his physician tomorrow about upping his mediation by 5 mg.

This is all a trial and error. It is a trial and error for my wife and I as much as it is for my son and his brother. At this point, we are just trying to find the right combination for my son before he starts back to school, as this year, he will be required to complete homework assignments and today, he would not be able to focus on them long enough to complete them.

Tomorrow, we find out if his physician agrees that he needs to be moved up to a higher dosage, because school starts in just a few days.

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Well and there you go, 4 little letters this weekend, ADHD and now we have a diagnosis.

The last year has not been the easiest for us. We have have Boy B in Occupational Therapy and also seeing a child psychologist. And through all of these things, which he has grown a lot, we got the results of his psychological assessment.

Was I shocked, not really? I was actually more shocked when I shared with some family members the results and they asked if I was ok with the results? The results are what they are. Heck, I really was expecting him to fall on the autism spectrum. And besides, I’m not so sure that I did not and probably still do have characteristics of ADHD. So, no, I am not shocked.

But, I am learning at the speed of light some things that we will be doing differently. We have an appointment to his pediatrician this week, but we will also be drastically changing his diet. And just by a very quick Google search for ADHD diet for Children yielded a large list of ideas. Overall, it is interesting to discover how much nutrition plays a direct role into ADHD into the balance of the medication.

And yes, we have decided that, assuming that the Pediatrician wants to go the route of medication, which I am assuming they will, we are open to it. Are there pros and cons to medicine yes. And if you don’t agree with our decision, do I care what your opinion is? No! It is an opinion for a reason and I respectfully ask that you keep yours to yourself. We are making the best decision that we can for our son and we have sought out the advice of multiple people, both in the education and medical fields and they all agreed that medication was appropriate.

I had struggled for a long time about if we were faced with this decision, what would we do? I have struggled with an unknown factor, i.e. will my son’s personality be different? I have struggled with the fact of knowing that my son CAN NOT control his hyperactivity! I have seen it too many times. I have watched him struggle to focus. I have talked with his teachers and they have shared the same things that we were seeing at home.

I love my son. I love both of them equally. But my wife and I have to make the best decision for them, as they can not make the decision for themselves. And our hope and prayer, is that we are able to get the right balance of medication, diet and continued therapies so assist him, so that he is not on medication long term, but will be on it as long as he needs it.

The decision to put him on medication was not an easy one nor was it one that we took lightly. But, we are doing what will help him going forward, especially in school, to make him successful.

This is our new life. This is my son’s new life. He has a diagnosis. We finally know what we are dealing with, so that we can better deal with it. My sons are the most important thing to me and I will do what I can to give them the best that I can, even when it is going to be something like medication.

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Such an easy thing to say, I am sorry, yet it is something that I think that a lot of father’s fail to say to their kids.

This past week, I had dealt with some issues at work, my wife’s car accident (that in and of it’s self will be a future blog post), knowing that my grandfather is dying, etc. and I’m not going to lie, I really struggled. I really struggled doing and saying the right thing because I wasn’t able to rest and I wasn’t able to deal, I was just going through motions.

So this week as I was putting the boys to bed, I was exhausted and I had zero patience for any messing around. And of course, that was the night that as I put the boys to bed, Boy A was ready to struggle. He whined, he cried, he fussed, etc and I had no patience for it and I got on him. I raised my voice and told him to knock it off.

So, why do I write this about say I am sorry? Easy, two weeks ago, my father for one of the first times told me that he was sorry. The words “I am sorry” came out of his mouth because I said that in my 41 years of my life, he had only cried in front of me 5 times and that he had told me that it was wrong to cry. But this time, he had a different story to tell. This time, he admitted, it was ok to cry. He said it was ok to say the words “I am sorry”.

My wife came up that night, as she could tell that I was loosing control and losing it quickly. She came up, laid down with our son, Boy A and got him to sleep. As she was rubbing his back, she was rubbing mine, as she knew that EVERYTHING from the previous weeks was coming to a head for me. But she also realized that I needed a break.

As I gathered my things after both boys were asleep that night, I said the following words “I am sorry” in my son’s ears. But that wasn’t enough. See, that was enough for me to go to sleep, but that was not enough for me to make amends. Growing, I was on the other side. I was the one going to sleep upset. I was the one going to bed being yelled at.  I said what I needed to, knowing that in the morning, I needed to say more.

This is what separates me from my Dad and it is not a negative against him at all, but is more what I have realized that I needed to do as a father, learning from his mistakes. So as my son, Boy A, woke up this morning, I grabbed him and hugged him as tightly as I could and whispered that I was sorry and we hugged.

I was wrong. I was wrong on so many differently levels. I was wrong because I took out on my son, my frustrations of life because he didn’t goto bed as quickly as I thought he should.  And the key phrase there is “I thought”. I thought that he should goto bed as soon as we were done our nightly routine. I thought that he should goto bed as soon as I was ready to goto bed.

But what I realized was, he wasn’t ready and I was wrong because I didn’t give him the opportunity to decompress for the day. I did not ask all the questions that he had for the day or all the different questions he had for the day. And what I realized as I left their room, was that was how I felt as a kid.

AND I WAS WRONG!

No, I WAS SORRY!

I was sorry for every making my sons feel the way that I did. I was sorry for dismissing their questions and needs, because I was tired and frustrated and wanted a glass of wine. I was wrong! But I made it right. I explained to both of them where I was wrong in my ways. I explained that I should have had more patience. And I encouraged both of them that when it is time for them to be father’s, to be a better Dad, than I am to them.

Does that mean that they will not fail? Nope. They will. Does that mean that they will not have to use the phrase, “I am sorry?” Nope, because, they will.  But if they can learn from me, if they can learn from my mistakes, if they can see that I tried to be the best dad that I could for him and still had short comings, then it gives them something better to strive for.

So to my sons, I am sorry. I have tried to be the best Dad that I can and will continue to do so. But, I will make mistakes. I will fail. But, I will say I am sorry, because, I will be.

 

 

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Relaxation is a very important thing, but it is something that I really struggle with. And by struggle, I mean I am awful at it.

Sitting on the boat this week while I am on vacation, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I don’t know how to relax. The entire time, I kept thinking about work, what my week was going to look like, what the bills were going to look like for the week, etc. BUT, there is a great thing about this, I realized what I was doing and I figured out who I could talk with to help me.

I also know that it is going to take me time to figure out a long term solution/strategy to overcome this struggle in my life or as I more frequently refer to it as a challenge. For me, I can usually go and cook and that will help clear my mind, but when I am out of the office, the texts and emails come in just the same as if I were in the office and due to the nature of my job, it is hard to really disengage from work.

So, as I type this at the kitchen table, the day before we leave to head back home, I have already cringed at looking at my schedule for next week and I have about 30 minutes free each day. Only 30 minutes. My friend that is a psychologist asked the question if it was even sometimes worth me going away and I laughed and didn’t respond. See, that is how hard it is for me to relax because I know that when I am out of the office, I am mentally still in the office.

Going forward, I think that I’m going to try something new to help me learn some new relaxation techniques. For starters, I am going to start taking a week and a half to two weeks off and I’m going to block the first week back from any meetings that are not priorities. I have already delegated a lot of my work to my team, so that they can handle a lot of it. Are these things going to help, I don’t know but I certainly hope so and I think that it is at least a good first step.

I have also talked with my friend that is a psychologist and we are going to setup regular calls so that we can discuss more techniques to help me relax even more. Because the more that I can do now to relax, the better of a father that I will be. Instead of giving my sons my 100% undivided attention this week, I thought about work way too much. And shame on me, because my sons and my wife deserve that from me. So, life lesson here kids, learn these things at an early age. Learn how to relax and prioritize and learn that it is your responsibility to be the best father that you can to your kids, because they will not be little kids very long.

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