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I’ve struggled a lot lately with how much of the truth I tell my sons about my childhood.
There have been a lot of questions, as they are of they age they want to know and ask things.

But how much do you tell? I’ve talked with friends that are a lot smarter than I am and more importantly, focus on child psychology and they have said to share what I fell comfortable with.

But that really didn’t help. The truth is this, my childhood was not that great. That is just a fact. But to what point do they need to know? And that I do not have an answer? And more importantly, it is something that I have struggled a lot with of late.

Watching the movie I Can Only Imagine brought a lot of feelings and thoughts to the forefront of my life. Was I hit with a plate, no, but did that movie hit way too close to home, yes. Do my kids need to know this about my past? Probably not. And probably not, I mean no.

As a parent, my job is to protect my kids. Not lie to them, but maybe not share all of the truth. When asked, I can say that things were not great in my childhood and shift the focus of the conversation to something else. Because what good does telling the truth do?

From my friends in the psychology world, they have talked with me at great lengths about breaking history and I usually laugh, because they know me better than that. The cycle of abuse has been broken. But the truth about my childhood to me, ends with me.

My son’s have asked a lot lately about my father and I just smile and try to answer as best I can. Sometimes, I lie. Is that fair to them, no. But is telling them the truth fair to take away the innocence of their view of their grandfather? Telling the truth does not help them in anyway and that is ok!

I’ve started for the first time in my life, dealing with what was my childhood. In doing so, it has also made me realize a lot of things too. Some of those things are not good either!

So today, as my kids ask me about my childhood, I give them shades of the truth, in hopes that it protects them from the truth and it helps me process it at the same time.

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Celebrities are just like each and everyone of us, within reason. But over the past year, I have been able to introduce either one or both of my son’s to celebrities and it has been a blessing and a curse.

First, the blessing. With my job, I have been fortunate to be able to work closely with a former Major League Baseball player, who as a kid, I watched. And, I was also able to introduce one of my son’s to a 4 time Grammy Award winning musician this past year as well.

The cool part of this, is that these are both people that I have met throughout the years and worked with one, but also got to hang out with them and know them personally.

The bad part about this is that I have already been asked who the next celebrity that they get to meet? This is not the behavior that I am looking for when we create these opportunities for our kids.

I was not raised to expect things and I don’t want my kids to think that it is ok to expect certain things. My wife and I have been very fortunate, that we have good jobs and have been able to provide these opportunities to my kids. I just don’t want them to expect things.

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It is really never a day off for a parent, but in theory it would be nice. As we sit around the house this morning, relaxing, I was thinking about all of those that serve in the armed forces and how they protect our freedoms to have a day off today.

Today, as we fire up the grill, relax and take the day off from work, let’s remember those that give us the ability to do just that.

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As we hit the middle of the week and after a long weekend with the death of my wife’s grandmother, I’m looking forward to our camping trip this weekend. Camping isn’t something that I did a lot of as a kid, but it is something that is helping me get back to being grounded.

There is something to be said for stepping away from TV, modern technology, etc. and going camping for a long weekend. And this is really no difference. With my career pulling me in many different directions on a daily basis, down time is definitely in order.

And the great thing about camping, no WIFI! First world problems right there. For the first time, I’ll be disconnected. I will not have internet access for about 48 hours.

My anxiety is high already about not being connected, but there is also a sense of relief!

There is a feeling that if I can get through 48 hours, then maybe I can start doing this more frequently on weekends and build my way up to our family vacation in August. I have been really trying hard to learn how to relax. I’ve started doing daily meditations and yoga and I think that going camping will also help too.

As I get older I realize that I need time away. I need distractions. I need to get lost? But what I really need is time with my family. I need to give them my attention. I need to give them my time.  And I hope that while we are out camping this weekend and making memories, that I also teach them that when they are father’s, that spending time will be important to their kids too.

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If you are on social media, which by the time my kids are old enough to read this, they will never know about Transformation Tuesday or Thursday. But it got me thinking this morning, as my wife and I have been talking about changes that we both want to make.

Transformation: noun
  1. the act or process of transforming.
  2. the state of being transformed.
  3. change in form, appearance, nature, or character. (dictionary.com)

So here are a few things that we’ve been discussing:

  1. Working out 2 – 3 days a week & take a family walk on the weekend.
  2. Drink more water and less alcohol. This is beneficial for a lot of reasons, but if nothing else the calories.
  3. Eat more fruit and vegetables.
  4. Find a new church (not that we want a new church, but we moved and our amazing church is too far to drive each week.)

Why is this important? Well, outside of the obvious, it will allow us to be healthier, it will also create more family events and time together. As our kids get older, the importance of doing things together, is becoming a greater need. But also, so is simplicity and scaling back our lives.

My wife and I have been blessed beyond words, as have our children. And something that we try to share with them on a daily basis, is that not all children are as lucky. We are trying to include them in these transformations as well, to realize that they have a great life. So as we start and in some cases, continue this process, there will be some starts and stops along the way.

As I get older, I realize how our thoughts and views constantly change. Who I am today, is very different than who I was at 21, 30, and even 40. Transformations are a constant evolution of who we are and how we think and experience life.

 

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My son, Boy B is a very picky eater. If he could live on fruit, pizza and Doritos, he would be loving life. But the reality is, he needs to be eating other things. I’ve spent time reading and looking at cookbooks, as well as a million and one Google searches trying to find new things that he will eat.

So this morning, he and I talked and I explained my need to figure out what to cook for him and he seemed to get it. So for the next 15 minutes, he gave me ideas.  I don’t know that we got too far with the ideas of new things for him to eat, but for 15 minutes, we laughed, we talked about what he loved to eat and how important it was for him to be trying new things.

Having a child that is a picky eater, that is also ADHD and has sensory issues, is a challenge. But, I’ve been faced with a lot of challenges in my life thus far and what is one more? So, together and he and I are working on things that not only I can cook for him, but things that he can help me cook.

I’m starting to realize, that there might be a connection with foods, ADHD and being a picker eater, but I’m hoping that by involving him in the cooking process, he will be more open to trying new things. And understand, I have zero scientific basis for my thoughts, other than what I see everyday.

So this week, we start working on new recipes for him and I’m going to slowly add new foods to his eating and trying to broaden his horizon with things that he likes to eat. I can also speak from history too, as when I was his age, I was a VERY picky eater and probably ADHD too.

Here are a few foods that he does love:

  • Spaghetti
  • Pizza
  • Mac & Cheese
  • Fruit
  • Chicken Nuggets & French Fries

Now, here are few ideas that we discussed of trying.

  • Chicken Parm (I use the same spaghetti sauce)
  • Succotash (I’m from the south, but I put a twist on this)
  • Grilled Cheese (I’ll post my recipe at a later date, as I make the bread from scratch and use 3 different cheeses).
  • Grilled squash and zuchinni
  • Sweet potatoes instead of regular potatoes

I have no idea how this experiment is going to go? But, I feel that as not only his father and someone that has struggled with the exact same eating pattern, but as the one that cooks in the house, I have to try something to expose him to new foods. As I continue to grow as a cook, I find myself challenging myself to try new things.

I love to cook. I love to cook for my kids and to be able to teach them new things and soon, new cooking techniques. The one thing that I want to be able to eliminate from my thinking, is what to cook. I don’t want to be stuck on the same ideas and menus. I want to broaden my children’s view and palate of food.

Now, I’m off to the kitchen.

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Your friends and I mean, your true friends will help you keep your accountability in life. Trust me on this guys, when you have a close friend that can help you get through life’s biggest challenges.

I know that for me, I’ve been lucky to have two very good friends that have always been there for me, they have kept me accountable to working out, being a better person, etc. They know things about me that, if I leave this world early, they will be able to share these stories and many more.

My point is very simple, a good friend that will be there for you through the good and bad, is worth more in this lifetime than anything. A friend that will be able to hold you accountable even when you don’t want to hear, is someone that you want in your corner.

Accountability is crucial thing in life and not something that you should take lightly.

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Sometimes, it rains in life. I know, not a very deep thought there, but the phrase “rain” could be used for a multitude of things.

Boy A has not been able to play baseball with his teammates in almost a month, because of the rain. And when he asked this morning if he was going to play, I just said “buddy, sometimes, it rains.” And it stinks for a kid to hear that, but it is true.

I used the word rain very carefully in explaining the cancellation of his game today, because it is not just playing baseball. My wife and I have started a weekly conversation about were we are financially for the week, progress of paying off debt, things that we need to be thinking about and focusing on for the coming weeks.

There has been a lot going on lately in our lives, ranging from my son’s surgery all the way to my wife deciding to short sale her condo. This has been a debt that has heavily weighed on us and I can not begin to count the number of sleepless nights that I have had over this property. This was the house that my wife purchased about 2 months before we had our first date, so we had never even met!

This is the house where my wife cooked for me for the first time, where my children spent the first 4 years of their life and a place where we laughed, cried and figured out how to start being a married couple. So there were a lot of feelings with this one, both good and bad. And taking the emotional side out of it, this hurts my wife in a lot of ways, primarily in her credit.

So today, as I type this and cook lunch for the boys, I look over our finances and though we are no were near where I want us to be! I do for the first time see a light at the end of the tunnel. My family is safe. My kids are healthy. And though I have struggled with the idea of doing a short sale, for many reasons, after getting some really good advice from a family friend, I agreed.

And as I told my son this morning, “sometimes, it rains”, I realized that I wasn’t just telling him that about his game. But I was I was also giving myself from reassurance too, because if this short sale goes through, yes it will be a though time financially for the next several years for us, but we will also not be sitting under the dark cloud that this condo has placed over us.

So in life, sometimes it does rain, but after the rain stops, there is often times a big rainbow too.

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We are now on day 4 post surgery of my son’s tonsil surgery and WOW what a difference!

The surgery was literally 15 minutes, trust me, I timed it. And even though we are only 4 days out of surgery, there are already positives. There is no more snoring!

He has complained a few times about having a sore throat, but in reality that is all that he has known for the last 2 months. The one funny thing though, is that his voice is much higher right now, which is rather funny!

Another interesting observation, is that thus far he seems calmer too. As noted numerous times, my son has ADHD and there are numerous articles and studies about the removal of tonsils and the benefits.  So it will be really interesting to see how he does with his behavioral and ADHD in the coming months.

Even though these first 4 days have gone smoothly, we’ve been advised that days 6 – 9 are the worst.

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Tonsils be gone! We are now on our 4th round of strep throat for Boy B in less than 2 months and we have decided to have his tonsils taken out.

Since he was a little child, we have had the conversation at least yearly in regards of whether we should remove his tonsils or not? Well, after the last 6 weeks being as such, we were referred to a local ENT & he took one look and said “well those need to come out!”

The thought of putting my son under anesthesia scares the hell out of me, but the saving graces are that it is a very short amount of time (less than 15 minutes) and the benefits out weigh the cons. To see my son go through 4 rounds of strep throat in such a short amount of time has been tough. It is hard to watch him swallow.

The Doctor spent a lot of time talking with my son about the procedure and the ice cream that he will be getting afterwards, but it is tough because for 1 – 2 weeks, it will be rough for him. And on us too for that matter. But again, the benefits of taking the tonsils out now as opposed to waiting until he is older is greater. He can’t seem to break the cycle of strep throat right now.

So, as we prepare and we continue to talk with my son about the procedure, he is starting to get why he is having surgery and that he no longer wants to be sick with strep.

So tonsils, be gone!

 

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