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A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a friend that I was considering writing a book. I wasn’t sure on what, but I just had this feeling, that maybe it was in my future.

Now, for those that read this and know me well, know that writing isn’t my strongest gift! In fact, I have to have co-workers read emails before I send them to certain executives at work. That being said, tonight, might have changed my mind on this book idea. 

Tonight, my son struggled going to bed. And struggled might not even be the right word. He got up every 5 minutes, said a bad word, wanted to argue, etc. But somewhere in the conversation, he asked to meditate.

See, this is the part that I laugh, because a few weeks ago, I started doing a 21 Day Calm Challenge on the calm app, which has been a great starting point for me to learn the importance of meditation. But learning the foundation of meditation, has given me a chance to learn new ways to control myself and my feelings, but to help my son when he is struggling.

So tonight at bed time, he asked if we could meditate, which I was fine with. But I also got our puppy, who we have nicknamed our emotional support animal. But as she laid beside my son, he slowly started to pet her and the more he did, the more I realized that there is a story here. A story for other parents.

I learn new things daily about ADHD. The importance of meditation. The importance of eating certain types of food. The need to have a set and structured scheduled. Exercise. Downtime. And the list goes on and on. But what I realized even more, is that this could be useful information for other parents.

This could be a way to help someone else, someone that has no clue what ADHD is and/or what it means for their child. And the funny that that as I even write this down, I hate writing. And the thought of putting together thoughts and ideas for a book, makes me cringe. But, if I can help one parent, it would be worth it.

So here goes. It might take years. I might never happen. But I am writing a book.

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Sometimes in life, things get to be a little overwhelming. I just got through a major project at work, which was both challenging and rewarding. But, it made me MIA (missing in action) from my family.

To say that it has been a struggle internally for me to be so busy at work and also mentally away from my family has been brutal on me. I’ve come home some nights in time to put the boys to bed. I’ve answered questions as to why I have been at work so much.

Now, that the project is done, I hope to be able to take a few days off. Rest. Relax and gain some new perspective on work.

I say that, but the reality is that because of my role within the organization, I have more visibility than ever before and have more pressure than ever before. There are pros and cons to that too.

If share nothing else with my boys, I hope that they see my hard work ethic and the way that I treat my team. I hope that they see that I treat even the most entry level employee, as one of the most valuable members of our organization.

I hope that they see that I make certain sacrifices for them, so that they will continue to have a better life, than I did as a child. I hope that they see how much I want them to understand the importance of how truly blessed that they are.

Being MIA is hard, even for a short period of time. But being there for my boys, means everything to me and it is time to make sure that they know and understand that. Even though they see me walk in and change and then put them to bed, before even I eat dinner.

Today, that all changes.

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Well, we made it! We made it to 10 years of marriage and lived to tell about it.

Life hasn’t been always easy, in fact, I think that it was summed up best by our minister when he did our marriage counseling. I’ll never forget him looking at us, holding our hands and taking a deep breath. And then he laughed and reminded us that it was OK to laugh and that we had been through a lot already.

A brief recap of from our first 10 years and this is in no particular order:

  • My wife’s mom was killed in a car accident, 4 months after we got married.
  • We lost both our paternal grandmothers and my wife just lost her maternal grandmother.
  • I lost my grandfather, who I was very close with.
  • I lost a job and got a better job.
  • We struggled for 2 years to have the boys and were finally successful with IVF.
  • Did I mention we tried for 2 years and through that we FAILED a lot.
  • Three car accidents with one being serious.
  • There have been good days and some really hard days.
  • We have struggled financially.
  • Been blessed financially too, as my wife and I both have good jobs.
  • Got a great dog.
  • The boys have succeed at school.
  • One of the boys was diagnosed with ADHD & anxiety disorder.
  • The other boy is a very talented athlete.

So those were just a few of the things that we went through. And many of those, were in the first 2 – 3 years of our marriage. But, through each one of the challenges and successes, we came out stronger together.

To celebrate and I mean that literally celebrate, we went away last weekend, just the two of us. Rented a cabin in the mountains and just relaxed. And it was fun to just reconnect.

Our daily lives are pretty crazy. My wife’s job has unpredictable schedules, which is all that the boys know. But this is our lives. It isn’t always easy, but what marriage is?

This is our first 10 years!  I was quickly reminded of the most used verse used at weddings and it still is true today!

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. –

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version (NIV)

Now, what do the next 10 years look like?

We have already started planning. Talking about where we want to move next. Our kids and their progress through school. My son’s athletic abilities and where would it be best for him to learn more techniques and sports specific training?

Last weekend, we talked a lot about finances. Where we are and more importantly, where we want to be! There will be a future post on that.

But today, we celebrate!

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At 3:00 a.m. I woke up out of a not so deep sleep and prayed. And prayed like I had not done in a really long time.

I prayed and asked God to help me be a better person, father, husband and friend. This has been a struggle for me lately. I have conflicted with what I wanted to do with my career. I have just plan and simple struggled lately.

As I grow older and as I continue to evolve as a person, some days, are just easier to manage than others. I try to do right by my family, but sometimes, I fail. Last night, was a failure.

I am not proud of my behavior last night as it consisted of a lot of alcohol. And then I was mean to my wife and did not have a lot of patience with the kids. And I have no one to blame but myself. I was a jerk and that is saying a lot because I HATE that word.

So, as I was laying on the sofa because one of the boys got in our bed and our room was hot. And as I was thinking through the hours prior and felt beyond embarrassed and more importantly, disappointed in myself, I prayed.

At that moment, it was all that I could do, at that moment. Once my wife was up, I apologized and we talked. And I apologized more. She forgave me, but what came from that talk with a deeper understanding of changes that I want to make in my life.

I hate that I was not myself last night and allowed alcohol to alter my ability to be in control. But, I am also grateful that as I prayed this morning, there was a peace that came over me as well. I regret last night, more than words, but I hope that my actions, lead to making me a better person.

As I read the Serenity Prayer this morning, this 1 bible verse hit me and the interesting thing, several friends on Facebook posted the same verse today too as their status.

“Be still and know that I am God!” – Psalms 46:10

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Summer is coming to an end and it is back to school time! The boys are both excited and there is reservation too.

We went to school the other night for meet the teachers night and they were able to see all of their friends and meet their teachers. The summer has been great though and I hate to see it come to an end. But, it is going to be great to get the boys back on schedule too.

I have heard the boys talk about excitement and fear. One of the boys is already concerned about not having friends. I did find a cool video that we have been watching, which is on YouTube and has been helpful to watch at night. If you have a few moments, watch Howard B. Wigglebottom and enjoy.

As we get closer and closer to the school starting, the anxiety will get a little higher, but at the same time. Deep breaths are key parents. Lot of deep breaths.

Remember that going back to school can be more difficult on kids than on parents, because they are dealing with the unknown.

 

 

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Cooking for a child with ADHD is sometimes a struggle.

I have spent a lot of time over the last week trying to come up with a list of foods that my son will eat. So here is the list of things that I came up with that I know that he likes and a list of things that I things that I think that he might like and that he will be trying.

  • Spaghetti
  • Tacos
  • Chicken Nuggets
  • French fries
  • Fruit
  • Yogurt
  • Homemade pizza
  • Fried rice
  • Mac & Cheese
  • Pretzels with cheese dip
  • Homemade grilled cheese
  • Oatmeal
  • Shakes
  • Creme Brulee (because what 7 year old doesn’t love it?)

Now, for the recipes that I’ll be trying in the next few weeks.

  • Sweet potato fries (baked)
  • more vegetable – Sous Vide Green Beans & baked zucchini and squash
  • Chicken Parm
  • Zucchini crisps
  • Breakfast burritos modified (eggs, bacon and potatoes)
  • Breakfast muffins (eggs, sausage, bacon and cheese)
  • Cauliflower rice
  • Ham & Cheese sandwiches
  • Chicken soup
  • Chicken and Cheese Quesadilla
  • And more

Picky eaters are hard to cook and plan for and a child with ADHD makes cooking slightly more challenging. Because he snacks all day long, it makes dinner time difficult, not to mention that he is a very picky eater too. I am going to have my son to start helping me more in the kitchen to get him involved. This I hope will get him more interested in the foods that he is eating.

I will also be posting these recipes here on the website too, in hopes that maybe some of you with picky eaters or children with ADHD can use them to help them eat a little better and more as well.

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As we are winding down our summer vacation, I thought that I would share a few thoughts from or post vacation. These will be in no order and may only be simple thoughts.

  • This was the first time in my professional career, that I was ever able to take off more than 5 business days at a time.
  • There were a lot of laughs and some tears (future blog post).
  • We had a great time going to several different beaches in North Carolina.
  • I was able to take my son’s where I went to college at UNCW
  • We were able to go by Bitty & Beau’s Coffee Shop & if you don’t know about them, you are missing out. Great coffee and an even better cause!
  • Ran into a high school friend.
  • Saw family.
  • Forgot how much I miss living in North Carolina
  • 1 word BBQ! If you love BBQ and haven’t been to Sam’s Jones BBQ, shame on you.
  • Relaxation – something that I have been desperately needing.

So those are just a few thoughts from the trip. There will be more added I am sure, but it was good to get away. And something that has become a tradition with us, is that before we got home, we already planned out not 1, but 3 possible trips.

1 – back to North Carolina

2 – a quiet getaway for my wife and I, unsure of the destination of that one.

3 – depending on a few things financially, DISNEY, again!

For me, this post vacation recap is more for my own memories. The boys will remember the ocean and playing with their cousins and the water park for sure. For me, it was a time to step away from life and refocus. Think about what I want to do long term with my career. Where do we want to live? What do I want to do and how can I better help others?

A lot of thoughts and discussions were had these last several days. And I truly grateful that I took a longer vacation. Sure, I’ll be further behind at work. But, what is more important? Being behind or spending time with my wife and kids?

 

 

 

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Growing up, I was not one of my father’s top priorities. That does not make him a bad person, but a fact is a fact.

I remember begging at times to play catch, throw a football, heck anything so that he would spend time with me. But I was often brushed aside for a work call or something else. I desperately wanted that love and affection from my father and I really wanted his time.

Fast forward to the day that I find out that I was going to have the twins and I looked at my wife and always vowed to our family the top of my priorities. My career was taking off at the time, but I had to find a balance between work and family.

I made a decision to balance work and my family and it is a decision that I have never once regretted. My boys and I laugh and play. We cook together and we play catch nightly. We even have our own secret hand shake.

So why do I share these things? Maybe it is an affirmation that I’m trying my best to be a good father? Maybe it is my letting go of the fact that my father put things in front of me and that I wasn’t a priority for him?

Regardless of the reason, I love being a father. I love that my son’s trust me to ask questions that they will not ask my wife. Perfect example, read the post on The Hardest Part of Life and understand, my wife works in end of life care, not me! I stare at computers all day and think about things to cook when I get home.

Having children is hard, no question about it. Having twins is no different than parents that have multiple children that are different ages, it is just that, the difference of ages. We all struggle. We all try our best to put our kids as our top priority. Sometimes, we fail at this, that is just life.

I know that for me personally, there is no greater feeling that being called Dad. There is nothing more that I look forward to in the morning, than seeing the boys when they first wake up. And after a long commute home, seeing my son waiting for me with our baseball gloves and ball, waiting for me to pull up.

By the time that I get home from work, I am tired. I normally spend 2 hours plus of driving a day, then meetings, emails, etc. I would love to be able to walk in the door and just lay on the sofa and rest. But that isn’t life.

I walk in the house, change clothes and get ready to go and play catch. We talk about their day. We work on fundamentals. We talk about what we are cooking for dinner that night. And more importantly, we laugh and spend time together.

I have friends that do not have kids that talk about taking naps and sleeping in. And some days, I would like to throat punch them. But I would not change this for anything.

So this afternoon, after coming home for a long day at the office, a long commute and drenched in sweet (I don’t have AC in my jeep), I will smile and change clothes and spend at least 30 minutes playing catch. And I only have 1 word that I will leave you with, PRIORITIES!

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The hardest part of life is losing those family members that we love.

That was the conversation that my son and I had the other night at bed time. And it really hit me because he said it with tears in his eyes.

We are going to see my grandmother next week, who is 94 years old. And there is a good probability that this might be the last time that we get to see her. And as hard as it is on me, because I will be saying goodbye to my last grandparent, this will be the 3rd loss for my boys in about a year.

But as I sat in the floor, holding my son’s hand and praying that I could find the right words to say to him, I was reminded that my boys ask me these questions for a reason. So, I took a deep breath and begin to talk about life and death and that we should focus on the today and not worry about tomorrow. And as we talk, that lead to other questions and more of me trying to find the right words.

I tried my best to bring my son comfort. I tried to give the best answers to his questions that I could. And once he seemed to accept my answers, I wiped away his tears and he wiped away mine. He laid his head on his pillow and holding my hand whispered “Dad, the hardest part of life, is losing those family members that we love.”

For a 7 year old, my youngest is an old soul. He is thoughtful and very much a deep thinker. He analyzes and worries about things, that I wished that he wouldn’t have gotten from me, but did. I don’t know that when I was his age, that I was thinking about the life and death spectrum?

As he drifted off to sleep, I thought about my answers. I had hoped and prayed that I could bring him comfort. I had hoped that I could take his worry and turn it into hope. But at the end of the day, he is right. One of the hardest part of life is losing those family members that we love. But I truly believe that if we focus on the time we have with them, that even though the pain will be there when they are no longer, we will have memories to hold on to.

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Summer schedules are both a blessing and a curse!

This summer, has been a blast for the kids. They have been doing a one week on and one week off with their camps this summer. And tomorrow, they start up a 2 week swimming lesson class and then in the afternoon, Mindcraft camp! Now, the Mindcraft camp is something that they have really looked forward too, but at the same time, they have also struggled with the week off.

A few observations on while they are at camp, they sleep a lot better and they aren’t peeing in the bed at night (FYI a future post). But they are worn out at night, which is a great thing, but being off a week, throws their schedules off a lot too.

Another great thing about this summer is that my wife and I have gotten a weekly date! I can’t even put into words how awesome that is. We get to goto dinner. Talk. Enjoy a glass of wine or two. Catch up and actually date again. There are books on the importance of dating your spouse, which I highly recommend.

But back to summer schedules. The great thing about the boys schedule is just that, there has been a week on and off for them. They get to have fun and relax. The bad part is that for Boy B, he needs the schedules more so than Boy A. But, it has also put him in very anxious and difficult positions and he has needed to learn some more coping techniques too.

Now that we are rounding out July and starting 2 new camps for the next 2 weeks, we are also transitioning into August. Where we live, August just means that we have another month before school starts. But, it also means that we are going on vacation soon too.

We have had a lot of personal things going on, which will most definitely be a future blog post, but for now, I just say that for the first time in my professional career, I’m taking more than 1 week off. Does that mean that I will not work during that time, no. What it means is that I am taking time to regroup. Spend time with my family. Relax.

One thing that I’m learning more and more about, is the need to relax. The need to have downtime. The need to separate from work and to just enjoy life.

This year, I’ve changed our summer vacation to something more of what I need. So this year, we will spend 3 days with my family and our niece and nephew so that the boys can spend time with their cousins, I’ll also get time with just the four of us at the beach alone too.

But, we’ll also go and say goodbye to my grandmother, my last grandparent.

So, as we adjust and review summer schedules, life goes on.

Until tomorrow, when the boys start back a 2 week intense swimming lessons. I start preparing for some much needed downtime.

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