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Priorities change, day to day. They can change hour to hour even, let alone, year to year.

Somewhere in the last few weeks, I realized this and the importance of priorities. They went from what was important for me, and more specifically, a piece of paper, to realizing how much I needed to spend more time with my family.

I need them, as much as they need me.

Growing up, I wasn’t a priority for a my father. His career came first. His priorities, came before me. And interestingly in a conversation, he told me that my kids wouldn’t remember things when they are older from today, yet I remember the feeling that I had 30 years ago when he decided to work late instead of taking me to a basketball game.

I need to be able to throw baseball with my son. I need to be able to play Legos with my other son. I need to be there for my wife. I don’t need to be spending 20 – 30 hours a week on my masters.

Priorities, they are crucial as a father and recognizing how they change and how we react to them changing.

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I tried and failed at my attempt at going back to school. But, with failure, I learned a few things that I hope to share.

I tried. Had I never taken the chance, I would always wondered what it would have been like to goto Graduate School. But, I also learned a lot of values that were more important to me than a piece of paper.

I was told to expect 5 hours a week outside of class for work. I was spending more like, 15 – 20 hours a week total. So, by spending that much time on school work, that meant that I was getting a lot less sleep than I should. Spending a lot less time with my kids and my wife.

I realized on a drive to work one day, that I needed more time with my kids, as they would not always be young and want to spend time with me. And also, in the last few weeks, we had not one, but two deaths in the family within a 26 hour period as well.

Life got in the way, but I tried and failed.

Or did I really fail?

Did I fail if I realized what was really important? Did I fail if I found what I lost? Did I fail if I needed to finally put boundaries on my time and put the importance on my family?

Depends on who you ask and what your definition of failure is. To me, I succeeded.

So, I tried and failed. But in reality, I took a chance and found what mattered more to me, is spending time with my family.

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Today is a good day. No, today is a great day!

UNC beat dook last night and today, I was accepted to grad school at UNC.

Today is a really, really good day!

As crazy as the next two years are going to be, I am beyond excited. I literally can not put into words how excited I am. I called my wife in tears.

I grew up near Chapel Hill and was on campus a lot. I mean, A LOT.

And today, one of my dreams came true!

Today is a good day.

I never thought that I was good enough to goto UNC. I never thought that I was smart enough. I never thought I could attend UNC. But today, I can say that I was wrong.

Today, I am a Tar Heel. And today, is a really good day.

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January is over and time to focus on February and wanted to highlight a few things from the first month of the new year.

For starters, I survived, no I freaking owned Dry January! Myself and two of my buddies took on dry January and were all successful. I was able to lose 12.5 pounds and also slept better than I had in a long time.

So am I happy that January is over? Yes, because I can have a beer or glass of wine and not feel like I am cheating myself. No, because I really challenged myself to do something that was out of my norm and to learn something new about myself.

But that wasn’t the only reason that I’m glad that January is over, we celebrated the 10th anniversary of my Mother In Law’s death. This year, was a little tough. 10 Years. A full decade. Over 10,000 days. That is a long time, yet it feels like yesterday.

January is a hard month, if for no other reason than the loss of my wife’s mother, but it was compounded with trying to break and change bad habits too. In the end, I came out more aware and more focused on what I needed to do and I came out a better person.

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21 days since my last drink. 21 days!

Seems like a small victory and it is. But there has been a mind shift for me as well. Now, when I go home, I workout or I grab another cup of water or brew a cup of coffee.

Gone are the days of walking in and grabbing a beer. Gone are the days of even thinking about having a glass of wine while cooking.

21 days!

The reality is this and I don’t want to minimize this at all and nor do I want to make too big of a deal of it either and here is why, this is my 21 days. This is my story. While at dinner a few weeks ago, I had a cup of decaf coffee while my wife had wine. And not once did I think, I’ll cheat or take the approach that no one would know if I had a beer. I would know.

21 DAYS!

My friends and I decided to do this Dry January and thus far, I’m down a little over 10 lbs and feeling a lot better. Sleeping better. Working out more. And in 21 days, my thinking has changed.

So 21 days down and a lifetime to go.

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Last night was a first, Boy A went to his grandfather’s for a sleep over and Boy B, stayed at home! This was the first time that they had EVER been a part at night.

I still really don’t know how and why this ended up happening the way that it did, but honestly, even though I was anxious about it, the boys did great being apart last night. Though the funny thing, an hour after being a part, they started texting and FaceTiming each other to make sure the other was ok.

Last night was a good dry run, as the boys get older, there will be more nights apart. There will be sleep overs with friends, that the other will not be invited to. And that is ok. But at least night was in a controlled environment.

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I’m 10 days into Dry January and I have to admit it, I’m very pleased!

This will be a quick update, but my last drink was on 12/31/2018 and I anticipate only having 1 drink and that will be on January 19th and there will be another post on that later. But, I’m down 8 pounds as of this morning as well.

I can definitely tell a difference in my energy level and sleeping as well.

I have also have encouraged two of my best friends to do the same and they too are enjoying the benefits. My goal was to lose 10 pounds by the end of January and I’m on the way to that and hope to lose even more. I will be introducing exercise back into the mix, now that my sinus infection has subsided.

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Dry January or Sober January or Sober 30, there are a lot of different names for this month. But one thing that it can be called, in my opinion, refreshing!

This past New Years Eve at around 10:30 p.m., I had my last drink. Forever? Probably not. For a while, yes. And on New Years day, I started Dry January.

So what is Dry January? In a nut shell, one doesn’t drink for the entire month. Simple right? Well, for some, yes and for some, no. I realized that I needed to take a break from drinking. I need to get my s*&t together.

Still not convinced that Dry January is really a thing? Take a look at the following articles that have just been written about the topic: Time, Self, ABC, Market Watch, Wall Street Journal & The Washington Post.

Are there benefits to not drinking? Absolutely. Where do I begin? Health? Finances? No waking up the next morning wondering if I ticked off someone or said something inappropriately?

And I’m lucky. I am lucky because I have a great support system around me, that encourage me of those benefits. Now, I’ll be honest too, I have not had any struggles with not drinking either. Meaning, I haven’t thought about just having a drink.

I realized that I needed to make a change. And I think that I have. I have at-least started to make a change. Here are a few positives that I’ve noticed in just 7 short days: More energy; Sleeping better; More patience; More aware and mindful of things and that is very important to me.

In the last 6 months, I started to learn more and practice mindfulness and meditation using the Calm app. If you haven’t used the app, I highly recommend the website or the app, because they are great tools. But yesterday as I was cooking, I kept feeling that something was off. And it hit me as I reached for my bottle of water, it wasn’t a glass of wine or beer. When I cook, I have a few drinks.

To me, cooking is relaxing, but I always had a beer or two or wine when I cooked and yesterday, it was water. And funny thing, I was just as relaxed with water, as I would have been with alcohol. But, I recognized it. I recognized the difference and continued to cook.

As my wife and I were talking about our day yesterday, I shared with her the article from Time and we talked about how we had both over the last few months, had one or two, too many to drink. We talked about the importance of taking time off and reflecting on things.

She told me that she was proud of me! She teared up when I shared the realization of grabbing water instead of alcohol and quickly identifying that. We also talked about February 1st and if I would have a drink?

I did not and nor do I have any answer to that question, because I don’t know? I love a great glass of wine or a good craft beer. But one thing that I can say without a doubt, is that Dry January has taught me that it should be a single or at the most, two, of those beverages and that it doesn’t have to be everyday either.

I am committed, once I get past this sinus infection, to working out 3 – 4 days a week. I have also looked at previous bank statements for the month to see what we were spending on alcohol and breaking that up into 4 payments and putting that money into savings as well. So there are several benefits.

7 days down and a lifetime to go. I really think that doing this, has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and has already started to help me change and make myself into a better father and husband and friend.

To all of those doing the Dry January challenge, be strong and stay focused.

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I cried this morning and I said a heartfelt prayer. Ok, I cried a lot.

I let me family down. BIG TIME! Actually, that might be an understatement.

I failed them. I FAILED THEM.

I am embarrassed. It is my job to be the one to help build people up, not bring them down. It is my job to be supportive, not question the intentions.

I FAILED MY FAMILY.

I got down on my knees this morning and begged God to change my heart. To change me. To help me overcome the demons that I face.

I asked two very good friends to say prayers for me. And that was very difficult for me to do, because I had to admit to them, that I was not the best me. That I struggled. That I was a failure.

But I went to those two specifically, because I knew the heart felt prayers that they ask God. I also asked those two specifically because they would hold me accountable.

Over the course of the next several weeks, I am going to be doing several things:

  • I am doing a 30 day sober challenge. So I will be posting my thoughts and feelings by doing this, in case there is anyone out there struggling or thinking about doing the same. I am going to also post the financial savings that I expect to come with it as well.

  • I am going to start working out again. I think that there is a direct correlation between mental and physical health.

Today, I am focusing on day 1 of 30. I am taking today hour by hour.

I hope and pray that today, is the start of a new transformation. It is my hope and prayer, that God uses me. Allows me to grow and be the father that I strive to be and the husband that I need to be.

I spent a lot of time this morning in prayer. Something that I have not done a lot of recently. The Serenity Prayer, which is listed below, might be one of my new daily prayers.

Serenity Prayer

– Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
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This mornings prayer:

“Dear God,

Please change my heart. Please show me the way that I need to live. Help lead me to be closer to you today. I ask that you allow me the opportunity, to right the wrongs that I have done and fix my failures.

In your name,

Amen”

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Growing up, Christmas Eve has always been one of my favorite days of the year. It is a day of suspense. It is a day of anticipation.

I didn’t always have the best Christmas mornings, so I think for me, the night before gave me a sense of hope. It gave me a sense of excitement. But one thing that I also started, was starting traditions, just for me.

The great thing about traditions, are that they can be something that are passed down to your kids. When I lived in Texas, I was able to continue a lot of the traditions that I had as a kid and then started new ones.

Our Christmas Eve now consist of a family dinner, Christmas movies and talking about Christmas. But for me, Christmas Eve is also putting out luminaries. Growing up, our entire neighborhood would set these out, but it was so peaceful.

Tonight, as the boys and I hang out and watch movies today, I wanted to take time to wish each and everyone a Merry Christmas & I hope that you and your families have a quiet Christmas Eve!

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