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Oh, there I said it, one of those taboo words, Spanking.  For the record, I am not a doctor nor am I a psychologist, so now that that is out there, let em tell you what I am. I am a parent. I am father of two boys. I am a son to two loving parents. I am the son of divorced parents. I am the son of a Colonel in the US Army. I am from the south.

Why do I say all of those things that I am? Because I’m tire of seeing this video that has been going around on Youtube:

Here is my issue. It is the parents job to set the boundaries and to set exceptions, not engage a child in a debate.  If the parent said that the boy could not have a cupcake for dinner, then that is what was going to happen, not film a 3 minute video on it. But, to go a step further, you’ve got those on the other side that just have a issue with spanking:

Former HuffPost Senior Columnist, Lisa Belkin, argues that the spanking “debate” shouldn’t exist, because there aren’t two sides — decades of research shows that spanking is ineffective and psychologically harmful. But still, news outlets and other parenting blogs discuss the practice often. The real news here is that the Internet is choosing to ignore that part this time, for no clear reason. (Read more from the Huffington Post here)

So here is my issue and it is simple, who’s place is it to say that spanking is ineffective and better yet, harmful? For the record, there is a line between spanking and beating your child and I DO NOT CONDONE THAT! I do on the other hand, see that if a child is misbehaving, (a lot depends on the age of the child here too, as a 2 year can’t grasp this concept in my opinion) a light smack on the leg to get their attention is ok. Again, there is a difference between spanking a child to inflect pain, and popping their legs to get there attention.  I am not talking about leaving a hand print on a child.

Was I spanked as a child, absolutely. Do I have authority issues? No, because I know to this day what would happen to me if I were to misbehave. Is that a psychological issue? Maybe? But I know the difference between right from wrong. I know that the difference between doing good and wrong to others. I also know that I love my sons more than anything  else in this world and I want to protect them and teach them to be contributing members of our society. I want them to see that there are times as a parent, that I have to discipline them. Does that mean that I’m going to spank them? No, I would rather not spank them. But, that doesn’t mean that if I needed to smack their leg to get their attention, that I wouldn’t do it. Again, spanking, i.e. hitting a child hard enough to leave a mark and smacking a child on their legs to get their attention are two entirely differently  things.

So back to this video, a video where the 3 year old called his, I believe his mother or grandmother by their first name Linda. Growing up, had I called an adult by their first name, let’s just say that there would be several spankings involved, no question asked. Not to mention to mention that there would be restrictions and apologizes. But the parent did not lay down the ground rules and kept filming the video because they thought that it was funny. I have yet to find the humor in it. Still, several days after having watched it for the firs time.

Parents, be parents for your children. Set the ground rules. You are their parents, not their friends that they can hang out with and run all over. If there isn’t a change in behavior now, I only wonder how our society will end up in 20 years?  Do some Google searche sand I think that you’ll have articles/blogs/stories on both sides of the issue. But I can only speak for myself and my experience and that is simply, spanking can be a good way to teach and get your child’s attention to teach them a life lession.

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Dinner time for many is a quick bite, where you can get it in. For us, my wife and I would often feed the boys in their high chairs and then we would eat later. But now, we are all eating at the table for dinner time. I have to say, I love it. I love being able to sit and just talk with the boys while they eat.

Growing up, the dinner table was really important for me. It was a symbol of family time. As I grew older, I often had baseball or basketball practice, which took me away from sitting at the dinner table with the rest of my family, but now, as a parent, I see what I missed out on. I missed out on conversation. Family discussions and planning. Family bonding. Things that now, I wish that I had been a part of.

And years later, as a parent, I see the importance. I see that I need to set the example for my boys of the importance of the dinner table. So my wife and I have vowed, going forward, no more things on the dinner table, unless it is plates and silverware, because we need to start making memories for our boys, while we eat together as a family.

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Kids, they say the darnedest things, but when it is true, it just gets you. Tonight, Baby A got me good. I was rocking him and he says “Daddy, Big Tummy”.

Do I need to lose weight, yes. Am I working on it, yes, but apparently not fast enough. I wasn’t expecting that from my son. Well, I guess I know what I need to do, starting to hit the gym, so that daddy can get rid of his “Big Tummy”.

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Growing up, I remember going to baseball games and getting autographs from the players, didn’t matter who they were. To me, they were larger than life because they were playing baseball.  And the first autograph that I got as a kid, was Jim “Catfish” Hunter, who spoke at my church in North Carolina and from there it has just grown.

Over the years, I continued to go to baseball games and started to grow my collection, picking up autographs from athletes and movie stars. My collection has grown and grown and grown, to the point that I think that my wife is getting concerned. But, a few months ago, I slipped a clause into our will that says that she can’t sell the collection if I were to die before the boys turn 18.  I have really built it up the last 3 years for them. I’ve gotten a lot of the players that I use to watch playing baseball growing up, many who are now in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

At some point in time, I’ll try to put everything into a spreadsheet for the boys, but the autograph collection is getting to be crazy. But, it is a hobby, one that is fun and one that I’ll be able to share with the boys in a few years. I just hope that it is a hobby that they will enjoy and will want to continue.

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Growing up in North Carolina, I UNC Basketball was a way of life. And the rivalries in Tobacco Road with NC State and Dook, these were things that we lived for.  But being a die hard UNC Basketball fan, you learned by watching the legendary coach, Dean Smith. Because, it was not about the individual or the individual awards, but it was about the team. It was about pointing to another player if they give you a pass to score, as a way to say thank you. It was the words of encouragement to lift a team up that is trailing to come back and win the game.

Dean Smith was not a fan of the lime light. He did not want the Dean E. Smith Center to be named for him, because he wasn’t the one the won the games, the team did. That was how Coach Smith was, he didn’t want the attention on him. I was fortunate to meet Coach Smith on a few occasions and he could not have been nicer. He always looked you directly in the eye and made it a point to ask what we wanted to do with our lives and the importance to school. Looking back on that, it is really exactly what I would expect from a teacher.

Coach Smith has been in the media a lot lately, not for his coaching, but for the loss of the man. Not physically, but mentally. Coach Smith has dementia, which in my opinion is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. Dean Smith could remember players names, games, plays, the team managers, but now that is long gone. I found this article yesterday and I couldn’t stop reading it, not because of the way the article talked about how Coach Smith is doing today, but because of all the games, the things that he did for the university in breaking the racial barriers, etc. Coach Smith was a pioneer in many ways, but he was a coach that cared for others first.

I have a DVD that was produced a few years ago for Carolina Basketball and it highlights Coach Smith, so I am able to go back and watch highlights of games that I remember from growing up. I just hate that my boys will never get to see him coach or meet him, because there will never be another Dean Smith.

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It is that time again, the time for Christians to decide what they are going to give up or take on for Lent. Last year, I gave up Coke Zero and you can read more about it here.

I have read that several friends are giving up social media, due to the distraction that it has caused in their lives.   I know that others are giving up soft drinks and chocolates. Well, I think that I’m going to do something different. I had 2 goals that I wanted to focus on this year for myself, reading the bible daily, which I have to say, I’ve been on top of that one. And then I’ve wanted to go to the gym more, which I have not been doing. So, for Lent this year, I am going to make the commitment to go to the gym, at least 2 times a week. And I realize that 2 times a week is not a lot, but it is a start.

 

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The weather man was right, it is another snow day. I’m fortunate that I get to work from home on days like today. And I’m really fortunate that my wife is at home today so that I can stay upstairs and knock out a few reports.

But as I watch the snow fall, I think about my excitement of watching with anticipation and going to the town commons and going sledding. Well today, hopefully after lunch, the computer goes away and I’m taking the boys out to play.

Another snow day, is just one more day to make lasting memories with my boys.

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Growing up in the church, I always remember that people would refer to the church goers that would attend Christmas and Easter as “Those People”. And it hit me this morning, of late, we’ve become “Those People”. I was reading my devotional this morning and it hit me, the biggest part of going to church, was not always the message, but the fellowship with others. With other believers that shared a common belief and faith.

A lot of my earliest memories and closest friends, come from my time running up and down the halls at church. And as I grew and faced some challenges with my family, I took a break from the church. I couldn’t understand how God would allow two people that I knew, the pastor of our church and his son, to die with in the same week. So I quit going.

Two years later, I get a phone call from my mother and my sister’s best friend’s mom just died.  My mom asked me to goto the funeral, which I did and something happened while I was there, I found that fellowship again. I found that common belief and that faith that I had been missing, in the the funeral that day.  Then I moved.

Living in Texas, it is true, a lot of things are really bigger in Texas, including the churches.  I went to one of the two Methodist churches in town and went to grab a hymnal only to realize that I was the only one in the sanctuary not reading the words off the wall from the projector. I struggled to fit in, but was on this roll and didn’t want to be one of “Those People” again. Then one day, a friend in my small group suggested that a few of us check out the other Methodist church in town, because it was smaller. So I took a chance.

4 years later, I missed only a handful services and cried the day that I moved and left that church. I was a part of a church for the first and loved every minute. Even though I traveled a lot for work, I stopped by the church to pray before every flight in our open 24 hr chapel. I was very close to our associate pastor, who I met with once a week for coffee and was one of the greatest men that I have ever gotten to know. But a job came along, so I moved again.

I really struggled finding a new church when I got to the Northeast, the Methodist churches here just didn’t seem to have caught up with what we were doing in church, so I disengaged, I was frustrated. I became one of “Those People” again.

Then, a few months later, I met my now wife.  We were talking one day about church and I told her my background and how I’ve struggled to find a church, which was perfect because she was really involved with her Methodist church and wanted me to come with her to meet her friends and family.  Because we lived 45 miles from the church, we didn’t always go, but we went at least 3 of the 4 Sundays each month. Then we were forced to face the tragic and untimely death of her mom and we became more involved than ever.  Then we had kids.

For the first year, we did ok. Then I needed to make a change and go to a different church, due to some philosophical differences that I had with the local church. We found a church much closer to home and the boys enjoyed going. Then, the boys started getting sick and we didn’t want other kids to get sick, so we stayed home. Then my wife would be on call and taking the boys to church when they are 2, was a little more than I could handle, so we stayed home. We were tired, usually because Baby A wasn’t sleeping, so we stayed home. The weather would be icy/snowy, so we stayed home. Soon, it just became an excuse and we were “Those People”.

Today, as I was looking outside, it hit me, it hit me, I miss the fellowship. I miss the connection that I would feel when going to church. I miss those memories of being around others, that shared a like belief and faith. And I felt guilty that  I haven’t been more proactive with taking the boys to church. But no more. No more excuses. No more reasons that are not legit. I can’t and will not get back into that habit again. I will not deny my boys the opportunity to start a life of faith and build their beliefs. Starting today, we are no longer “THOSE PEOPLE”.

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Childhood memories are a wonderful thing, most of the time. There are a lot of things from my childhood that I have blocked out, but there are some memories that I have that will last forever. This past Saturday, I got to do something that I have not done in a really long time. I went to a college basketball game with my Godfather.

I can not tell you how many times growing up, my Godfather and his son Matt and I went to see UNC play. I remember going to basketball games at the Dean Smith Center as a young boy and watching in awe of the teams play and more importantly how Coach Dean Smith was on the sideline. I remember how my Godfather was with his son and myself, he took us to places on campus, always paid for our meals, told us that we could never repeat the bad words that were used at the game. These are the childhood memories that I cherish the most.

This past Saturday, my wife and Godfather went to the UNC vs. Wake Forest game at the Dean Dome and it was like I was a kid again, relieving so many childhood memories. My Godfather and I were high fiving, booing the refs and just having a blast. We talked about games this year and games that we saw years ago.  These are the things that I’ll never forget. These moments of being a kid and relieving my childhood memories and one day very soon, I’ll get to take my sons to the Dean Dome for their first game and they too will begin making their own childhood memories.

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We don’t hit, we don’t PUSH, we don’t kick and we don’t bite. I feel like I am repeating this all the time lately.

The boys have been, well boys lately. They are pushing each other around and hitting. Luckily, no one has gotten hurt, but we are really trying to get this under control. Tonight, we are staying in a hotel, as we are traveling to visit family and the boys Godfather and wouldn’t’ you know, the boys were pushing and Baby B was pushed into the corner of a table. He wasn’t hurt, thank goodness and it happened right in front of me and there was nothing that I could.

After a gasp for breath, Baby B let out a LOUD scream. I couldn’t do anything but hold him. And make sure that he wasn’t bleeding.  After a minute, he was ok and ready to start playing again. But, I had to talk with Baby A. I had to make him understand what he did was wrong. We talked, he repeated the we don’t hit, we don’t push, we don’t kick and we don’t bite.

We have to walk a fine line with discipline. This would have been the perfect situation for spanking, but would Baby A understand what he did was wrong? I don’t know? But, I do know that pushing can/is dangerous. I’m just lucky that with being out of town at the ER.

 

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