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When my wife and I did IVF, there were 6 embryos that were left over and frozen, just in case we ever wanted to use them again.  With the freezing process, there is a yearly storage fee that is associated with the embryos. Not bad for the first year, $200. Year two was $600 I believe and this year was $1,200.

In looking at this from multiple points of view, $1,200 was not in my budget and more importantly, I am about 99.9% sure that I don’t want anymore children, so my wife and I sat down and had a long talk. I laid out my case, as to why I didn’t want more children. Then my wife laid her case out why she wanted more, and though she didn’t say this in so many words, deep down I think that she wants a daughter. I understand that and I respect that. But, having another baby means a lot of things, costs, another vehicle (I have a Jeep and can’t fit 3 car seats in there), a bigger house, day care, and the list goes on and those are just the immediate things. That doesn’t factor in having 3 children in college either at the same time or close.  And honestly, I know what I have today and I really don’t want to throw anything in the mix with that.

So after a lot of conversations, my wife and I decided to donate the embryos to a research lab for stem cell research. We both felt that it was important to not just discard the embryos, but to do something that could possibly help others. We had the call yesterday and I have to admit, it was harder than I thought. These embryos are part of my wife and myself. And yes, we are still going through with it, but it was a hard decision but I believe the right decision.

So even though my six little embryos, we’ll never meet. You would have been loved tremendously by us and would have been a great addition to our family. But, you are going to help others and that is a great and that is an important thing.

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Bed time has become a challenge of late, for both boys actually. It seems that no matter how much we run them and tire them out, the boys just don’t seem ready to goto bed and they are starting to have separation anxiety when my wife leaves the room.

My wife and I have been alternating who leaves their room first at night to put them down and it seems that when my wife leaves the room first and I stay behind, the boys just have a fit. We have been playing music for them, reading to them, rubbing their backs, but bed time has really become a chore of late.

If anyone has suggestions, please feel free to share.

 

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Terrible twos have have nothing on the trying threes.

It is funny, because Baby A is throwing fits at the drop of a hat now. Screaming when he gets mad. And Baby B, he is just a chilled out kid.

But, what I’ve had to realize is that how I responded to the boys at the age of 2 when they misbehaved and how I have to respond now, is different. The boys are more mobile, can communicate with me regarding what is wrong and why they are upset. So, as they change in responding, so must I. It is my job not just to tell them that they did something wrong, but explain to them why it was wrong and what the consequences are for that behavior.

I love watching the boys grow up, I love watching them engage with my wife and myself in conversation and be able to share with us what is wrong. I really love that they are developing their own little personalities. But with that, comes the sometimes trying threes because they are only three and they are still learning and growing and trying to feel their way into the world.

Terrible twos and now the trying threes, bring it on. I’m ready to teach my boys how to grow up and deal with life. Face challenges and overcome them. Laugh when sometimes they just want to cry. Life isn’t fun and I guess that we are facing that with the trying threes.

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My wife quietly informed me that she and some friends were going to be doing a girls knitting weekend. My first though Guys Weekend! Seriously, I can’t wait.

Not really sure what we are going to do yet? Park, weather permitting, maybe hit the aquarium downtown, not sure what else? Probably throwing burgers and hotdogs on the grill. But here is what I do know, we are going to have a lot of fun.

Being a Dad, there is no greater feeling in this world. Guys weekend, sure it is harder because it is just me for 2 days with the little guys, but it is doable. I truly have a blast with my boys and love every minute of it.

So many dad’s miss out on the little things, like Dr’s appointments, guys weekends, etc. Not me. I want to do it all. Over zealous, sure. But there is nothing better than the relationships that I’ve been able to start developing with my boys. The hugs that I get before bedtime. The quiet thank yous for cooking them dinner. Them constantly asking for my Bacon Pizza. Or my favorite, when they whisper “I love you daddy” in my ear. Ah, gets me every time.

Bring on Guys Weekend and bring on the fun.

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I don’t even know where to begin with the post birthday wrap up?

We took the boys to the Aquarium on Friday with their grandparents. I wasn’t sure how that was going to go, but I have to admit, it kept the boys attention for every bit of 3 hours.  They loved walking around and watching the sharks and dolphins swim by and to see their facial expressions was just beyond words. They were truly loving every minute of the day.

Saturday we had a leisure morning and then had a cookout with family and close friends. The weather was perfect and the company was even better. It was great having so many people there to celebrate the boys birthday and more importantly, there was only 2 presents, everyone made donations to the charity that we had selected this year. I think that once again we are going to be able to really help a lot of sick kids, which is awesome.

And then on Sunday, it was Easter. The boys didn’t really grasp the concept, other than they wanted to eat M&Ms for breakfast.  And Baby A loved doing the Easter egg hunts, but Baby B, which isn’t a shock, only wanted to pickup a few eggs and then he wanted to just run.

All in all, it was a great weekend. A long weekend, but a great weekend.

 

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On this Good Friday, I am often thinking less about the death of Jesus, but more about the resurrection. The act of selfness that Jesus bore the burdens and sins of Christians and died for us.
In my readings this week, these two verses really hit home with me:

“But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I’ll probably never fully understand. We’re not all going to die— but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it’s over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. Then the saying will come true: Death swallowed by triumphant Life! Who got the last word, oh, Death? Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now? It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three—sin, guilt, death—are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!”
1 Corinthians 15:56, 57 MSG

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14:1-3

I view death two ways: 1) your physical body on earth is no longer and 2) your everlasting life in Heaven begins.

So on this Good Friday, think about what Jesus gave up for you. Think about how he gave the ultimate sacrifice, his life, and think about what you’ve done and given up for others.

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Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that we were finding out that you were going to be born.

Today, we celebrate the both of you. We celebrate the joy that you have brought not only to your mother and myself, but to so many others.
It is so often forgotten or overlooked that you are not just twins, but that you are two separate individuals.  But the funny thing, is that you are both a lot of alike.
You have both been close since day 1. For 9 months you shared a really small place and ever since, you’ve been side by side for 3 years. And my guess, is that bond between the two of you will only grow stronger.

As I sit and think about the morning that you were both born, I smile, because never in my wildest dreams would the last 3 years be this much fun. I hope that I’ve been able to teach you both a few things and I know that you guys have taught me a lot the last 3 years.

So Happy Birthday to my two Happy Little Monkeys.

I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Dad

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Here is a phrase that most will never say, “Happy Tax Day”. Ok, maybe the spouses of CPAs, but that might be it.

Well, I did my financially responsible thing this morning, I mailed off my check for the taxes that we owe. At first, I was really upset that we owed. Then, I looked at that we did well financially this year. And then I got frustrated again with myself, because I like to get our taxes close to zero. The last few years we have had a ping pong effect. We went from owing, to getting back a large sum, to getting back a smaller sum, to this year owing.

I’ve had a few conversations with my CPA already about next year. We are on track to give even more this year, even with paying down our credit card debt and also paying off our tax bill, we are in a good position. If things stay the course, we are looking at 3 more credit cards being paid off in the next few months. Then, we tackle the big ones.

So, as I think about the day and reading the recent job numbers and how many are looking for work, I feel blessed to be in a position that we did well financially last year and hope to do even better this year. But this year, hopefully we’ll be able to mitigate some of our taxes.

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I was on Facebook over the weekend and saw the headline pop up in my news feed: 20 Tips for Creating a Family-Centered Life and it immediately caught my attention.

I think that in this day and time, even with the best of intentions, it is often hard to have a family-centered life. But, and this is important, but with a little effort, a lot of the things that were listed are definitely attainable.  I think that this list of 20 is awesome and could have gone even higher, but I wanted to reflect on some of these items individually.

1.    Mom and Dad have a consistent date night alone together at least once a month.  – This is HUGE! Parents, before you were parents, you were a couple. You have to have adult time. You have to remember why you came together in the first place to create this family. Without each other and working together, you become seperate units that will wake up one day and question why you are even together.

3.    Entire family gathers for dinner at least 3 times a week. – I grew up in a home that when I was young, we ate every night at the table and as my family grew apart, so did dinner time. My wife and I have it a point, to sit down with the boys every night at the dinner table while they eat. We try to eat at that same time as well, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. But if nothing else, we are there together, asking the boys questions, engaging with them and hopefully setting examples for when they have children. We usually put on some music, something low key, often times Jim Brickman.

9.    Dad prays with each of his children before they go to bed each night. – I FAIL at this one, big time. This is something that I have really struggled with and have tried to do better about. But this is a big one and one that I really want to do better on.

10.  Weekly church attendance. – Again, as a family we have FAILED this one. We were really diligent about this for the first 2 years of the boys lives, but the last 8 months, we just have falling into a pattern of not going. And a bad pattern at that. We’ve made excuses, but really at the end of the day, this is on my wife and myself. We’ve talked about doing better, but we have to talk less and get back into the habit of going.

12.  Dad’s job does not keep him working a lot of late nights or weekends. – When I am home, I am home. No work on the weekend or night, unless it is an emergency and thus far, there have not been any emergencies that could not wait until the next day or at least until after the boys goto bed.

13.  Entire family has at least one week of vacation time together per year.  – This is really important. This years vacation might look different, but we are still planning on getting away for a few days. It is important to have family time and even more importantly than that, to have family down time away from home.

17.  Dad personally knows all of his children’s teachers and is involved in the PTA. – I’ll go a step further than just school. I think that it is crucial for Dad’s to also goto their children’s doctor appointments. I’ve been to every Dr. appointment, except for 2 and I’ve been to every Parent Teacher conference for the boys. It is important as Dad’s to be involved in our children’s lives, because how can we expect to raise them, if we are missing information and not informed.

A family-centered life is an important foundation in my children’s lives. I hope that they will one day recognize how involved I am and will do the same when they have children.

 

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My mornings can sometimes be crazy. Getting the kids up and ready, making sure that I get myself ready and I can’t leave without my morning coffee. And by morning, I mean my 2nd cup of coffee for the drive.

There is something about hearing the boys first words of the day though, that just make me smile. Today was, Juice, I would like juice daddy. And just like that, we were off to start our day.

Today was not much different, other than I was on edge the whole morning.  Things that were going on with the house, the floors were dirty, thinking about my day and what it was going to look like and all the boys wanted was juice. Not a difficult request. But it was the most important thing that I needed to do at that very moment.

What I’m realizing more and more everyday, is that when I am with the boys, I am with the boys. I am focused on them and their needs. I am playing with them in the floor, playing catch, teaching them how to zip up their pjs at night, learning a little Spanish and the list grows. But all of this starts with the mornings.

 

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