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Tonight was a tough night. It seemed like literally within 5 minutes, if it could have gone wrong, it did.

  • The gate(s) that we have in the house for the boys, both broke.
  • The boys were not listening very well tonight.
  • I got a letter from the state showing my wife’s license plate where she was speeding in a work zone. More money down the drain.
  • The nanny made a few comments that I wasn’t very pleased with.
  • The boys would not sit still to eat dinner, instead they wanted to run and play.
  • The boys did not want to pick up their toys, so I have to do that now.
  • Baby B decided to pee on the floor and not in the toilet.

Tonight, was a tough night. I got hit with a lot within a very short amount of time and that is after a very long day. I got the boys fed, upstairs, quiet, relaxed and in bed within less than 30 minutes. I poured a beer, heated a pork roast that I made yesterday in the crock pot and some red potatoes that I made and did I mention that I poured a much needed beer?

But tonight, even though it was a tough night, in 1 quick act of kindness from my son that made all of the things today, seem non existent. Baby B laid down beside me on the floor, which is not uncommon for him, as I held his brother’s hand, he simply whispered “kiss” and then gave me a kiss and then gave me an Eskimo kiss. And then he fell asleep. Just like that, today, tonight, the things that frustrated me, they all went away.

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Ferguson, Missouri have you ever heard of it? Neither had most until last week. That is until Michael Brown was shot and killed by a police officer.

Those are the facts as I have read them that are undisputed. I say that, because everything after that is in question. Here is another fact, there are only a few people that in fact know the truth, the police officer and Michael Brown. Pretty much everything else is hearsay and speculator.

Since the news broke about the shooting, a lot of things have happened:

  • Outside organizations have gotten involved to voice their concern and also in my opinion push their agenda.
  • There have been riots and destruction to private property.
  • The police department has released the name of the office.
  • The Governor has objected to the Police Department releasing video of an alleged robbery. (I say alleged because again, the facts have not come out in the case.)
  • The Police Department looks more like a military tactical unit, though probably without the military training.

Here are the problems as I see it:

  • Too many outside organizations with their own agendas have gotten involved.
  • There have been riots and destruction and have all but said that the police officer was guilty, without a trial.
  • The Governor interjected into a city level case, even though the FBI has gotten involved.
  • The Police Department went militarized into the streets.
  • The media in several cases has all but ruled that the police officer was guilty, again without a trial.
  • Social Media  has run ramped with accusations, photos, sound bites, etc.

At the end of the day, I know this much to be true. A young man is dead and for that, I am sorry that his parents have to go through burring their child. I also know that a police officer, who has a family, is dealing with the fact that he shot and killed someone. And at the end of the day, it isn’t our place to decide what happened. We have a court of law that does that. But, in the last several years (Google George Zimmerman and several other cases) the media tries the individual on tv and in print and social media, before all the facts are ever heard in a court of law.

Now, I have a lot of other thoughts and feelings on this case, but I will keep those to myself, as they serve no purpose on this blog. But tonight, I pray for those in Ferguson, Missouri. I pray for the soul of Michael Brown. I pray for his family and friends that tonight are suffering and are hurt. I pray for the police officer. I pray for those that will be effected by this tragedy, i.e. potential jurors, co-workers of the police officer, etc. This will not simply go away. No matter what happens in this case, whether the officer is charged and found guilty or found innocent, it does not matter. There are no winners tonight in the town of Ferguson, Missouri.

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This past Thursday afternoon I took the plundge and had the Baloon Sinoplasty and Turbinate Reduction surgeries. For 30+ years, I have had problems with sinus infections and allergies. The last straw was last month when I met with my ENT and we discussed that 3 sinus infections was two much and that it was time for surgery.

The he surgery was a breeze. The numbing process took longer than the actual procedure. And yes, I was awake for the entire thing, which made it even more interesting. I have a high threshold for pain, but this was really easy.

Because there was bleeding, they did bandage up my nose before leaving. When we got to the house, I walked in and the first words out of Baby A’s mouth was “Daddy has a boo boo”. I was concerned that the boys were going to be afraid with seeing the bandage and/or the blood. But they were fine. They were really concerned about my boo boo.

This morning, two days after the surgery for the first time in my life, I can breathe through my nose. I was laying in bed, trying to rest as my wife took care of the boys and Baby B climbed in bed and kissed my boo boo. He smiled and said “all better Daddy”. And it was. I loved that he did that on his own.   I love he was not afraid. That he wanted to make it all better.

I love these little guys. And yes, my boo boo does feel so much better.

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I don’t have many memories of one of my grandfathers, but one memory that I do have is that when I would see him, we would get in the car, just he and I and we would go and get Strawberry Ice Cream. How I can remember this, I’m not really sure, especially considering the fact that my Grandfather died when I was in 1st grade.

I remember a lot about the day that he died. I remember being pulled from class and talk with the principal. I remember my mother crying and we left school early that day. I remember asking my mom if my Grandfather was going to buy me Strawberry Ice Cream that afternoon and she just cried.

Years pass and not a lot is talked about my Grandfather. Not sure why? But last night, of all nights, my sons ate 4 chicken nuggets, 4 large strawberries and a handful of string beans. And after they finished it up, Baby A looked up and saw an ice cream cone and asked for Strawberry Ice Cream.

In that moment, I was transported back to when I was a little boy. I was taken back to when I was a kid, asking my Grandfather for Strawberry Ice Cream. But tonight, both boys, after they literally cleaned their plates, they both asked for Strawberry Ice Cream and in that second, I remembered my Grandfather. I remembered those Sundays at the Ice Cream place. I tried one other Ice Cream, I didn’t like it and he immediately asked for Strawberry Ice Cream and he quickly ordered it for me.

I could do no wrong in my Grandfather’s eyes. I was his only Grandson. And tonight, my son’s could do no wrong. We sat at the table and laughed and talked and ate Ice Cream, Strawberry Ice Cream cones, just like I did when I was their age.

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We all go through things in life, mostly good, but there are times where it isn’t so good.

Over the last several weeks, I’ve had a chance to reflect on my childhood, as I want to avoid mistakes and things that my parents made with me. And I kept coming back to one thing, “It’s Not Your Fault”.
And with the passing of Robin Williams yesterday, I was reminded of this scene. It took me back to a place a few years ago that I was talking with a friend and I mentioned how this scene resonated with me, because I took a lot of my parents problems on my shoulders.  And just like Will in the movie, it took someone caring for me and pushing me to realize that I wasn’t at fault.

Life is hard. Kids are put into situations and forced to grow up way too early in life. This scene really has hit home for me. Sorry about the language, little ones, ear muff it, but the scene is important.

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Tonight while at dinner, a friend sent me a message that Robin Williams had died. I sat in shock, though I had never met Robin, I have admired his work for years.

After getting home, getting the boys settled, I began ready news stories and the outpouring of responses from friends, family and fans throughout the US. And two big things that stood out to me: 1) it appears that he struggled with mental illness for a long time and 2) his charitable donations of his time to raise money will be sorely missed.

Mental illness is becoming a topic of conversation that our country can no longer avoid. We are losing more and more people each and everyday due to suicide and mental illness. It is time that we as a society do something to address the issues, instead of cutting state funding for treatment. Mental all illness is a serious problem that isn’t going away. We can either face the problem and work on solutions or face more deaths.

As for his giving of his time, Robin Williams was a HUGE supporter of the USO and went on many comedy tours overseas to support our troops. He also did a lot with Make A Wish and St Jude Hospital, to name just a few. This will be a huge loss for these organizations and for those effected.  But they aren’t the only ones that are losing out, so are his family, his friends, co-workers, and fans.

Here are three clips from three of my favorite movies that Robin Williams was in:

Goodwill Hunting:

Dead Poets Society:

Patch Adams:

I grew up watching Robin Williams and I think that as so many, I feel a since of loss. A loss that is small in comparison to others, but his death will leave a void. He was one of the funniest comedians of my time. He appeared in roles that varied from a loud solider in Good Morning Vietnam, to a loving compassionate therapist in Good Will Hunting to a soon to be Doctor in Patch Adams. And it is through those characters that we all connected with, but it is through those characters we will all miss.

So tonight, Robin Williams, may you sleep easy. May you no longer be in pain. But more importantly, may your family feel the comfort and the love of those that loved you.

Rest in Peace Robin.

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There are times in life, where things do not make a lot of since. There are times where we feel that we are at the top of our game and other times where we are as low as we can go. Today, I just felt blessed.  Blessed to have two amazing boys that just amaze me each and every day.

I took the boys to Target, Home Depot and to the park and I couldn’t have asked for them to have acted any better. They both told me when they had to goto the bathroom. They both let me shop and helped hold and put things into the basket.

It is days like today, that I just sit back and realize how blessed that I really am.

 

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Last night, there was no excuse for my behavior.  Ok, so maybe that is an extreme, but I had a really long day at work.  I was not myself and was really in a bad mood.

As I was driving home, I listened to relaxing music, I tried talking with my Dad and well, that really didn’t help. I got home, the nanny didn’t really help. I changed, the nanny left, and it was just me and the boys. We played while I cooked dinner. I got plates set for dinner and some jazz loaded on my phone.  The boys didn’t touch their grilled chicken and tater tots, they just wanted to play.

It was then I realized that their schedules were off. The nanny let them take a 2 1/2 hour nap earlier today, gave them ice cream at 5pm and their day was just off. And so was mine, but that is no excuse. It is no excuse for me to take my frustrations of my day out on my boys. I realize that I am just a human, but my sons did not do anything wrong tonight. And please understand, I wasn’t mean to my sons, but I didn’t have a lot of patience. So after dinner, we went upstairs and relaxed before we got ready for bed.

Baby B, as usual, he was asleep within minutes. Baby A, could not get settled. He was up and down. He had to pee. He had to look for a toy, which was under his pillow, he had to get a stuffed animal, then he had to look out the window, you get the idea. I was frustrated. I didn’t have the patience for the up and down. I was not in the mindset for him not being able to be settled. I just wanted him to goto sleep so that I could eat and wrap up some work from today.

But at the end of the day, there is no excuse in my getting frustrated with him. Is it his fault that he took a nap today? No. Is it his fault that he had to pee? No. Heck, we want him to be potty ed trained and he did what we have asked him to do.

Son, I promise to always put you first. I promise to put you above work. I promise to have more patience, especially on days that I have very little patience. There are no excuses. I love you.

 

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I often thought that was something that was taught, not instinctively learned, but I might be changing my views on this one.

Last night as I put the boys down, we read, watched a Dino Dan tv show, and the boys got in their beds, Baby A, who was incredibly tired, laid his head on his pillow and curled up. Baby B, who said goodnight to his brother, got up and put a blanket on his brother and covered him up. Compassion at its best.

I have never told Baby B to do cover up his brother or anyone else, but he instinctively he got up and made sure that his brother was ok and covered up. It is these moments in life and experiences that I see, that I realize more and more what compassion is all about, especially as it relates to the boys and to our family.

My wife’s job is full of compassion, as she supports families after they have lost a loved one. I don’t know how she does it, but she is able to provide a since of comfort and peace at a moment when a family needs it the most. We together, try to show through our actions, compassion, in hopes that our boys will pick up on the desire to help others in need.

I’ve come to realize that as a parent, I get to see and be a major influence in my children’s lives. It is my job to teach and mold them for their future. But it is those moments when I realize how much they are teaching me.

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This morning I actually got to sleep in for a little bit.  But I was awoken to the sound of an iPad hitting the floor and my 3 year old screaming.

I had two options, get mad that he had the iPad upstairs when he had been told numerous times to keep it downstairs or comfort him in knowing that accidents happen from time to time.  After making sure that he was ok and safe, as their was glass all over the floor. I started thinking about the costs, realizing that the iPad was no longer covered under the support plan. Thinking about upcoming bills. No extra income to replace it. I had two choices, but upset and stressed out or realize that accidents happen.

Accidents happen all the time, but it is how we respond that makes the difference and today as I held my son and talked with him about accidents and why we don’t take the iPad upstairs, I was reminded to when I was a kid and broke something of my mothers and she didn’t get mad. She didn’t raise her voice. She just said that accidents happen and kept on going.

I hope that my boys saw how I handled today and when they get older, they will realize that accidents happen.

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