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I’ve been asked by many friends and even my Mom for that matter, what is it like parenting During the Coronavirus? And, it is a fair question, but my response today, might be different than in 2 weeks from now.

Since December, I had started to watch what was happening in China with the Coronavirus. After some conversations with my wife, we slowly started to purchase meat and other non perishable goods for our family. And yes, we bought extra toilet paper (I’m from the south and that is what you do in an emergency) and paper towels. I don’t know why I took this approach, but I did.

Fast forward to last week, March 11th. That morning my wife and I talked about the strong probability that the boys would be out of school for an extended period and that if they made it to March 16th, it would be a miracle. For the record, both my wife and I work in the healthcare field, so we are seeing and hearing about things in a more macro and global way. Well, March 12th, we got the news, school was shut down for at a minimum, 2 weeks due to the Coronavirus.

So now, we have a date, a plan, etc. We made 2 more quick grocery store orders, did an inventory of meat, frozen vegetables, etc. We sat the boys down to explain to them what was going on, provide reassurance to them that they were ok and safe. That we had enough food in the house and that they were going to be home for a few days, but they could not play with their friends.

That night after the kids went to bed, my wife and I sat on the deck drinking a glass of red wine. As we talked about the current events and what was unfolding, I simply said, I wish that I could talk with my Grandfather about this, as he lived through the Great Depression. And then my Mom texted me the simple question “how are you parenting during the Coronavirus?”

Understand, my Mom and I talk or text daily. So my reply to her, she already knew. I gave her a rundown of our supplies in the house and then I told her that I was working on a school schedule for the boys at the house. And that I was going to have to both work and be a teacher, at the same time. Her reply is what I expected “I raised you well.”

You see, I’m nervous. Hell, I’m beyond anxious. We are dealing with an unknown. Right now, our state is looking at an 8 – 20 week shut down of school. Will the kids even go back? Little League is shut down. Major and Minor League baseball too. Life as we know it, within reason, is shut down. Yet, when my kids come to me and ask me questions about the Coronavirus, I try to answer honestly and as best I can.

The Coronavirus is going to change our economy. Our society. Our lives. This will take years, in my opinion, before we recover. There will be books written about this and the outfall from it. History will judge the actions of our President and our people. My Grandchildren will read about this one day.

And for me, as a Dad, I just hope that I’m parenting for my kids, the best that I can through the Coronavirus. I hope that I am able to provide comfort and wisdom. That I can provide structure and reassurance. I hope that I can mask my concern and fears and one day, when they read this, I hope that they know that we did everything that we could to prepare for this.

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We are now almost 4 weeks post op from my major shoulder surgery. Wait, I didn’t mention this before? Right, I didn’t because I didn’t know how it was going to turn out.

A few months ago, I tore my labrum completely, from the top of my shoulder to the back throwing baseballs to my son’s baseball team. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was pitching to my son when I completely tore it though. But, when I did, I sucked it up and finished batting practice to him and the last two batters and hoped for the best, but knew what I was probably dealing with.

The recovery process hasn’t be easy, because for almost 3 months I protected my shoulder from doing any heavy lifting. I compensated and lost muscle and mobility. Now, I’m having to make up for that. I’m also doing physical therapy for 6 – 9 months. That is right, 6 to 9 months of physical therapy and having someone help me get that back.

It is going to be a long road ahead, but we got a Peloton bike that I am riding for cardio endurance on a daily basis and I’m doing daily exercises. I still will not be able to pick up a baseball for 12 months, but I would rather take a year off and coach and not throw, than never be able to play catch with my son again.

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I see this deep rooted passion on my of my kids and it is one that is driving them each and everyday. A passion for life. A passion for sports.

I hope that drive and determination never fades.

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There are days that I feel like giving up! Work. Family life. My commute freaking sucks. And giving up, seems like a great short term solution.

This has been a tough week. Work has been nuts. I’ve been working 65 – 80 hours a week. The commute has been close to 3 hours a day. The work load has just been crazy, to the point that I’ve walked to the line of no return and have struggled to walk back from that. The thought of giving up, crossed my mind multiple times.

And then on top of all of that, there has been struggles all week with school. Multiple support calls. A new change to medication. Multiple melt downs over the loss of taking away electronics. At some point, after 3 hours of melt downs, I was ready to give up and throw in the towel.

Being a parent is hard. Being a child with ADHD is hard, if not harder to be honest. As a parent, I can recognize and understand certain facts, but a child, may not have that ability. And this week has stretched me thin and challenged me in many regards as well. But I thought about giving up.

I need a break. I need to sleep. I need for my son to be better, not in the sense that there is something wrong with him because he has ADHD. But because he isn’t able to control his emotions and out bursts.

Rarely do I get a break. Rarely do I get to sleep a full night, either due to work or kids or stress or because the day ended in the letter “y” or all of the above. And I can’t tell you how many times at 4:00 a.m. that I’ve thought about throwing in the towel and giving up.

And then something amazing happens. Something almost unexplained or something that as a parent, I like to think of as grace. I get a glimpse of the moments that my son is calm and playing well with other kids. Where he is socializing appropriately and not causing a scene or having an outburst. And it is in those moments, where he will apologize for his behavior, tell me he loves me and holds my hand, that I realize, that I am not giving up.

I can not give up on my son. I will not give up on him. I know that he is trying like hell and sometimes, damn it sometimes he just can not help it. I see it. I see he tries to stay focus, long after his medication is out of him and he can not stand still. I see that he is trying to do 2 tasks, when he can only do 1 at the time.

I love my son. I love him more than he will ever know. And he will never know the struggles that we have gone through, the financial expenses, because it doesn’t matter. I will sacrifice everything, to give him what he needs, because I am not giving up on him. Not now. Not tomorrow.

NOT EVER!

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I have struggled with the thought of gratitude lately. Not for the logical reasons, but I think because of just life.

Let me start off by saying, I am grateful. I am grateful for my family, and for the life that we have. I am grateful for healthy kids. I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads at night and food in our cabinets. I am grateful, that very soon, we will be debt free.

I am grateful.

But, I sometimes find it hard to stop and find the gratitude in things. Sunsets. Sunrises. Listening to the birds at night. Hugging my kids. Kissing my wife.

I am trying to stop and notice more. I’m trying to take the moments to have gratitude, even when I struggle finding it. Because in all reality, I/we are truly blessed.

Today, 2 years ago, I lost my grandfather, one of my best friends. A man that taught me so much about life. Living. Focus on the important things and people and not to waste time on the rest. I am grateful for him. And I miss him everyday.

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Sometimes in life, you realize that life just isn’t fair.

Sometimes, you are shorted, and that is just life.

Sometimes, you are dealt a really crappy hand, but know that there are others worse off than you.

Sometimes, you experience things, that just suck! But maybe that person that you are helping on the side of the road after a bad accident, is having a much worse day.

My point is simple, sometimes life really does suck. There is no way around that simple fact. BUT and there is a BUT, if you stop thinking about yourself, you realize very quickly, that someone is going through something much worse than you are.

Always, keep that perspective. And it isn’t always easy to do. It is ok to feel sorry for yourself, but only for a little bit. But remember what you have. Remember that you are loved. Remember, that sometimes, life happens.

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Sometimes in life, you just have to realize it is not that bad.

I realize that it is a hard concept, especially when things are not going as well as you would like or expect. But in reality, what you are dealing with in that moment, though seems bad to you, in reality is not that bad.

I had this moment of thought this morning while talking with my mom about a person that I grew up with and seeing over the weekend their ramblings on social media. And through these posts, there was a serious cry for help from this person.

At face value, they had an amazing life. Money. Big home. Spouse is a celebrity. But through a series of rambling posts, their life was falling apart and the world was able to read it, one post at a time.

I had been having a pity party this past weekend. More stress from work. More put on me at home. Felt beyond overwhelmed. And as I watched this person’s life, literally unfold in front of my eyes, I realized, what I was dealing with was not that bad.

Was it my stuff and frustrated with my day and circumstances, absolutely, but what I was dealing with was not long term. It was not life changing.

So, as you go through your day today, look around and know that others around you are dealing with things much worse than you are, and that things are not that bad.

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Today, marks my son’s ADHD testing – round 2. I can’t believe that it is time for him to be retested. It seems like yesterday, I was sitting in the lobby of the Psychologist’s office, anxiously waiting to send him back for his first day.

Today, was a completely feeling. Today, as I went to the Psychologist’s office, we talked about the last time he took the test. We talked about ADHD in general. We talked about the importance of him being retested.

My level of anxiousness was minimal, as was my son’s. And I’m glad. I think that I needed his sense of assurance, as much as he needed mine.

We have been talking a lot about ADHD, the importance of controlling ourselves, as best as he can. We talked about things that he can do, like yoga and meditation, things that we have both been doing more of this summer as way to stay focused and in control.

Today’s testing is really more for his 504 plan with school this year, if nothing else. His hyperactivity is still there, that is very obvious. But he needs to have this test to ensure that he is still diagnosed with ADHD and then we can allow for him to have accommodations at school this year.

So as I sit in Starbucks, drinking yet another cup of coffee this morning, my mind wonders. What is my son doing now? What testing are they doing? How focused is he? Is he going to present signs of autism this time? Not that it matters, but the Psychologist brought it up, so my mind goes there this morning.

I find myself looking around the room at Starbucks. There are kids running around. There are couples talking. There are a group of what appears to be high school students that are doing a bible study. Everyone is smiling, but what is not being said or emotion being shown?

We all struggle. We all have stuff (use another adjective) that we deal with, but sometimes we put on a smile and move forward. What we deal with my son is minor in comparison to most. Is it a lot to us, some days, but we try to keep in perspective life. The importance of today and being grateful for what we have, today.

So in 1 hour, I’ll pickup my son, with a snack in hand and day 1 of his ADHD testing will be done.

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One of the worse feelings of my entire life, was when the medicine that we gave my son for his ADHD did not work. Helpless. Scared. Numb. All feelings that I went through in a very short amount of time.

We made a change to one of the medications that my son was taking and he had a severe reaction. Insomnia. Agitation. Irritation. You name it, he had it.

So what do you do when the medicine did not work? I stopped it. I refused to see my son suffer one more day with it. I did what I thought was best.

We have changed his medications again and this time, it seems to be working a little better thus far. But, we are waiting to see over the course of the next several weeks, if he has the right dosage for school, which starts in a few weeks.

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Sometimes, we find ourselves needing a do over or in this case, taking a “Take 2”.

Back in January, so 8 months ago, I took time off from drinking. I felt that I needed to reset myself. I needed to take a break. I wanted to see what it was like, not drinking for the month.

Could I do it? Would it be hard? These were all things that I asked myself, before doing it and during the month. But what I realized, was that it was not bad at all. That even included going out with my wife, when she would have a glass of wine with dinner. And it was ok.

So, it is time to do a “Take 2”.

The last few months have been a struggle for me. And when I mean struggle, I mean, I have not dealt with things very well, work, family, etc. and I turned to beer or wine as a way to escape.

This past week, I realized, enough was enough. I needed another break, but this time, longer than a month. I needed to figure out, why am I drinking to escape these things, instead of dealing with them either A) in a healthier way or B) just dealing with them period.

Work has about killed me. Literally and figuratively speaking. My wife’s schedule has about killed me. Literally and figuratively speaking. We have changed my son’s ADHD medication and well, you get the idea.

But, enough is enough.

I don’t like who I am when I drink. And the last few months, I didn’t stop with the normal 1 or 2. And there is the problem. Before, I could stop, no problem. I could realize where I was with it and control it, this time, I haven’t done that very well.

I have struggled to figure out the balance and I need to be the best father and husband that I can and continuing down this path, was not going to be doing that. I couldn’t be who my family needs me to be, if I’m drinking or at at least, how I was doing it.

So, I’ve started up with trying to identify the triggers in how I am feeling and ready to take this on straight ahead, again. I’ve done it once, I can do this again. But this time, it is different. I feel different. I feel excited, not like dreading it when I did it in January. Sure, I’ve got to share with people that I’m not drinking, when they offer me a beer and that is ok.

Part of this, is being ok with me and right now, I’m happy with the decision that I have made. I’m embarrassed at some of my behavior, but that is something that i have to live with. But, I’m pleased with knowing that the first day, was not bad at all. And let’s be honest, there are more benefits to this than negatives.

  1. Better sleep.
  2. No regrets the next morning.
  3. Showing my kids, that it is ok to mess up, but learning from those mistakes.
  4. Facing issues and tackling them now, before they are truly an issue.
  5. Being who I need to be for my family.

I’m not perfect. Far from it. But on this “Take 2”, I’m looking forward to the positive benefits and this change. I’ll post an update in a few weeks as to how this is going and, the boys preparing for school.

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