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Today was a day that I would like to forget.  Nothing was going right. Work. Personal life. Nothing. But, 2 words made the difference in my day, “I Promise”.

Yes, there is more to this story and it is a personal story that I have and will only share with a small group of friends and that is it. So this post may not make a lot of sense to a lot of people, but to me, it made my night.

My day started off with a longer commute than usual and really, for no reason because there was no traffic on the roads that should have slowed traffic down by 45 minutes. Then, I walk into a day full of meetings, mixed with working on my budget for team and then getting a last minute project that I need 5 days and only have 3 to complete. So stress was definitely high from work.

Then my wife call and I knew immediately something was not right. She said 1 thing and my heart sank and took me back 6 years. I could not breathe, my heart was racing a second, I felt scared and uncertain about life. I just knew that in that moment, I needed to see my kids. No one was hurt. No was in danger. But in a split second, I was transported back to a Saturday morning a little over 6 years ago.

After working late, I got home and was able to play with the kids for a little bit and when it was time for bed, Baby A and I went up first. We were talking, he was playing, I was trying to find some music on my phone for bedtime, when he quietly came up, hugged me and looked me dead in the face and said “I PROMISE that I’m not going to leave you.”

It was in that moment, that I broke down. I sighed and felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.  Again, no one is sick, hurt, etc. So for those reading this that do not know the full story, this might not make sense, but for me, the words I PROMISE were life changing.  In 2 words, a sense of faith was restored. In 2 words my wife and I made decisions for our future and our children’s future. In 2 words, I got an inner peace that I haven’t felt in a while and I felt like everything was ok.

It is truly amazing how 2 words from a soon to be 4 year old, can effect an almost 40 year old father and change their life.

Thank you son.

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Husband, Father, Grandfather, Friend, Mentor or to millions of fans, he went by Coach. Saturday night, basketball lost an icon, but a family lost their leader. And by family, I mean both literally and physically, you see Dean Smith created the Carolina Family and whether he wanted the attention or not, he was the one that started it all.  Dean Smith was and is and will always be the face of Carolina Basketball and Saturday, as he passed away at the age of 83, that fact still remains.

As I have had time to reflect on this, it is hard. It is hard hearing of the lost of someone. It is hard knowing that his family and friends are suffering. It is hard to hear and read countless number of stories being told over the last 48 hours.  Stories from his former players and coaches, friends, politicians, even President Obama released a statement about the death of Dean Smith. But there seems be a lot of common thoughts and memories that are being reflected on, and that is of humbleness.  I had the privilege to have met Coach Smith several times, through his basketball camps and then at a few Ram’s clubs events throughout my childhood. And each time that I got to spend, even just a few minutes with him, he made me feel that I was the only one there. He asked me questions about my family, my interests, my goals in life. And then he gave advice, the advice that any coach would give, study hard, do your best and give your all.

As a kid, Coach Smith was bigger than life. I remember watching him walk the sidelines, teaching his players and encouraging them. These are all things that I hope that I learned through his camps, reading his books, hearing stories and meeting Coach, that I’ve been able to translate into my career. When I refer to my team, it is always “We”, even if I did the work, because we are a team first. If someone on my team makes a mistake, I wait and meet with them privately and we discuss it and discuss how we avoid making the same mistake again. Say thank you to the those that help you most. But one thing that really stands out, do what is right. It is pretty basic actually and for a man that did not want to be in the lime light, today he is and he is being remembered mostly, not for the Wins and Loses, but how he lived his life.

“On what it means that today is more about the person that smith was than his win total: “It means he did it. He was successful. sitting at the cafeteria counter was more important than wins and losses… It means he won.”  Roy Williams, UNC Basketball Coach

 

As I sit and watch this clip, I am immediately taken back to my childhood. As I read stories from Adam Lucas’s post “The Stories Are True“, I can not help be sad. When you read stories about Dean Smith recruiting Charlie Scott, when you read stories about he and the minister taking Charlie to eat to break down the race barriers, when you read that he went to almost everyone of his former players weddings and how he was the father that many of these young mean never had. When you read these stories, how can you not be sad? Coach was a good man. And God just got one helluva basketball coach.

Press Conference from current UNC Basketball Coach Roy Williams.

I will close with two thoughts:

1) Matthew 25:23 – “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

2)  Coach, tonight it is all about you. You gave to others, as though few ever got to see. You gave of your time and of your heart and you changed lives. Tonight Coach, sleep easy and take comfort in knowing that you were loved by millions.

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When I read this story, I just could not believe what I was reading and if you haven’t read this story about a
Dad Refuses to Give Up Newborn Son With Down Syndrome this is one tough dad.

I can’t even imagine being given the option of choosing between my wife and my child, but I think that this dad is amazing.  As I read this story, I just couldn’t even put myself in his place. I couldn’t imagine that if a Doctor put one of my children in my arms and said that they had Down Syndrome and do nothing but love my child. Is it going to be a hard road for them, yes, but this is one tough dad that must be an amazing guy.

 

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There are times in your life, when you see things or experience things that are life changing. Recently, I had that happen to me and I can not really explain it.  My best friend John and I were talking about life, work, etc. and he just quickly said, you have to watch the movie Chef. I told him that I had heard about the movie and he simply, go and watch it tonight, if you don’t relate or love it, I’ll reimburse you for the movie.  Win win, right?

As I watched the movie, 2 words came to mind, LIFE CHANGING! My friend John was right!  I’ve been at a place in my career that I could relate to Carl and his passion and finding his love again. There have been days that I have literally closed my eyes and written html code and not only did I write it, it was right. As I watched the movie, I realized that I was Carl, minus one thing, I haven’t figured out the passion yet. I think that I know what it is, but will not know for sure for a few more weeks.

But if you haven’t seen the movie Chef, please take the time to watch it, because it is truly Life Changing. Below is the trailer:

But do yourself a favor, if you are unsure of your life, if there is something missing, watch this movie. You’ll realize what is important in life and I hope that it helps you move in the right direction of happiness.

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Today has been a day of frustrations. I have worked over 9 hours, which was 9 hours more than I wanted to work today.  I worked last night for 3 hours and was up at 6 am this morning to make additional updates on a corporate website. And then throughout the day I would make updates and with each update, the frustrations would mount.

What I realized throughout my day was that was that I am doing things that I wasn’t intending to do. Meaning, I wasn’t planning on doing additional work on the weekends, but somehow, I am. And the frustrations mounted.

Years ago, I swore that I wouldn’t take time away from the boys and today, I did. I took their time away to update a corporate website and it hit me and it hit me hard. I’ve really tried to make an effort not to allow my work to take away my time with the boys and it has. So as I type this blog post ,the boys are asleep and I think, that after 9 hours of work this weekend and that is just Friday night into Saturday, that I’ve gotten the majority of the updates completed.

But as I was rocking the boys and trying to keep my frustrations at bay, Baby A started singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, somehow made today better.

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Ever feel like your life is sliding out of control? I have, heck, I have this week.  To say that this has been a hard week, might be one of the biggest understatement for the week for me.

Just a few things that have happened: My mother in law died 6 years ago Monday,  yesterday I needed a Pep Talk from the boys, and today I was literally sliding while driving home.  I am done with this week.  I am done with the stress, the surprises, the snow, the emotions, the hurt and pain, I am just done with it all.

Work has been pretty stressful lately with trying to get a major campaign launched at work, but also when things go wrong, I am the one that people look to first to resolve the problem.  My wife has had to lean more on me this week while dealing with her Mom’s death and I have been trying to deal with it as well myself. I have questioned a lot this week about everything. And I have asked more questions of myself and life this week. And at the end of the day, I have realized that no matter what, my day wasn’t as bad as someone that has cancer or just getting news that they were dying.

Perspective? Sure, I got it. I work at a hospital and day in and day out, I see people who’s day is 100 times worse than mine.  Today, I left work early because I found out that our roads were not in the best of condition due to 3+ inches of snow that was falling. I picked up the kids early from school and we were literally sliding down on the road. Scared? HELL yes! We slid on two roads. The boys loved it, I was scared to death. We were sliding down the hill to our house and I felt like I have this entire week, out of control. And when I say that we were sliding down the hill, I mean, literally we were sliding down the hill and into a parking spot. Scared me to death.

But I was able to get the boys home and in the house and we were safe! SAFE, a word that I had not thought of all week. My boys were SAFE at home. My wife was able to get home and she too was SAFE and at some point, my day was not sliding anymore.

My world is my family. The week that we have had, has been really hard both emotionally and also physically. Dealing or not dealing with my mother in law’s death has been hard. And I say not dealing with her death, because I don’t know that I ever did,  but that is a blog for another time. My point is this, my life was sliding out of control this week. And for a few days, it bothered me. I was selfish. I focused on all of the outside factors in my life, but what I missed was simple, my worse days of sliding out of control doesn’t compare to the person finding out that they have cancer. It doesn’t compare to the family hearing that their loved one is dying or the family that has State Troopers on their door step asking to come, because they need to talk with them about their loved one that was in an accident and didn’t make it.

My worst day this week, doesn’t compare. Sure, I felt like my life was sliding out of control and maybe it was. But I got to hug and kiss my boys today. I got to hug and kiss my wife tonight. Work is work. But my life, though I was literally sliding out of control today, was not as bad as many others experienced today.

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Every morning on the way to school, I give the boys their little pep talk for the day. Nothing too heavy, just a remind of things to do for the day, like listening to their teacher, playing well with the other kids, etc. But something happened today on the drive that left me a little speechless.

So we were about a mile from the house and I looked in the rear view mirror and started giving them their pep talk. And as I’m talking, the boys are either nodding or saying ok or yes sir. I told Baby B that I wanted him to really listen to his teach today, as lately he has been pushing his boundaries. And then I looked over at Baby A and asked that he watch after his brother today and to make sure that he was ok. And he quickly responded with “No problem Daddy. I love my little brother.” Well there you have it kids, he didn’t stop and think he just responded.

But that wasn’t the thing that left me speechless. I’ve hit a rough patch at work and have really been struggling with a few things that have been going on lately. And I have been really questioning a lot of things lately, i.e. my place here at the company, the state we live in, etc. And as we pulled into the school parking lot, I smiled and told both boys that I wanted them to have a great day at school and to play hard. And before I could even open my door to get the boys out, Baby A decided to give me a pep talk. He smiled and told me that he wanted me to play hard at work today and that he wanted me to do my best.

Speechless.

I didn’t know if I should just say ok or yes sir or cry? I think that I kind of did all 3 to be honest.

But as I hugged the boys and got back in my jeep, I couldn’t help but think of Baby A’s pep talk. Dealing with or having not really completely dealt with my mother in laws death, work, life, etc. has just really gotten to me lately. I am not afraid to admit it, I’m human and all that crap got to me and it a lot to deal with, especially when you have little kids. But his pep talk made sense in someway and has given me a lot to think about.

So today, thanks to my kids, I’ll play a little harder at work and will try to have a little more fun today.

Thanks son for the much needed pep talk.

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It was 6 years ago today that my mother in law was killed in a car accident and it seems just like yesterday. There are so many things about that day that I’ll never be able to forget.

  • Getting the call from my father in law after lunch.
  • Having to tell my wife of 3 months that her mom, her best friend was dead.
  • Calling my mom, because she and my mother in law were close. But because I also needed support.
  • Hearing from a close friend that is a psychologist, that life doesn’t return to “normal” for at least 5 years and he was right on that.
  • Knowing that one of the things we loved the most, snow, was the factor in her death.
  • Driving 40 miles in snow at a snails pace, just to get my wife to her dad.
  • The outpouring of friends and family at a time that when we needed them the most.

6 years later and the pain is still there. 6 years later and even though it hurts less than last year, it still hurts. It hurts knowing that she’ll never see my boys, play with them, and love them. It hurt like hell yesterday hearing Baby A call my father in law’s girlfriend Grandma for the first time. He doesn’t know and understand, he just knows that there should be a Grandma if there is a Grandpa.

Today, I remember the laughs, the smiles, the hugs. I remember the long talks about life and future plans and what our family will do and where we will go. I remember that I could always try out a new joke and would immediately know if it was a hit or not by how far she would spit the drink in your mouth. I remember her looking down at your watch as we walked into church late. I will remember that last lunch, how I wish we had spent more time with her that day.

6 years really seems like a long time.

I love and miss you Moms. I know that you are watching down on us and I know that you are smiling down at your grandsons. Oh how you would have loved spoiling them.

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Sometimes in life, we find Grace when we least expect it and today was one of those days.

This morning, I was on the phone with my mom and shared a story about one of her friends that is a teacher and how her 6 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Around 8am this morning a friend of mine went in for a surgical procedure and needed prayers for healing. And I just read on Facebook that a friend of a friend just gave birth to a little boy, only to have 2 days later him die.

It is hard for me as a parent to hear of a child dying. I just can’t handle it. It is hard for me as a parent to hear that another parent has to witness their child going through chemo for cancer. It is hard for me as a friend, to watch a friend go through surgery. But as hard as it is for me to witness these things, it is 100 times harder for the person or parents going through it.

Today, for whatever reason has been a struggle. I am tired, I was up from 2:30 until with the boys. I have had a hard few weeks at work. I have felt day in and day out, that I’m just trying to get to tomorrow and I can enjoy a day off. I have been short, I have been frustrated, I have just been barely making it some days, but as I dropped the boys off at school this morning, something happened. Something that usually doesn’t happen, but it was my Grace moment.

After signing the boys in, getting their coats and shoes off and put away, they both stayed beside me waiting to hug and give me a kiss goodbye. But this time, they both hugged me at the same time and for a moment, life was ok. For a moment, nothing mattered. For a moment, I experienced grace.

As I have sat in my office this morning, door closed and just trying to push my way through a large amount of work, I have thought back to that moment. I have thought to how they both individually hugged me and then then together gave me a big hug. And before I left, they both whispered “I love you”. What more can I ask for?

 

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Sometimes in life, we find ourselves falling down, both literally and figuratively.

Life can be hard, work, kids, family pressures, holidays, projects, home repairs, and the list just keeps on going. But it isn’t so much how these events happen or even when they happen, but is how we deal with these things as we are falling down. And it is my hope that as I go through life, as I go through the challenges of being a parent, of being a husband and most importantly a father, that my boys will see how I deal with life as I am falling down, but also how I get up.

My wife and I have both really crazy work lives and schedules, as we are both in the medical industry. I work on the Marketing/IT side and my wife works directly with families regarding end of life care. So there is a lot of stress and pressures from both sides.  Sure, it is hard at times, not seeing each other, adding additional work load for the other at home, etc. But, it is how we respond and deal with it, that is so important.  How we interact with each other, listen to each other help the other when they are falling down.

Last night, I was walking down the steps and was holding Baby B & while we were walking and he was making animal sounds, I slipped. I slipped and fell halfway down the steps with him. I was lucky, he didn’t get hurt. I was holding him in a way that was able to protect him from the fall and shield him from getting hurt. Myself on the other hand, I more than likely broke a thumb, my forearm took a beating and my back is hurting. But even though falling down the stairs is hard, physically and ego wise, I wanted to make sure that my son was ok, which he was. But I wanted him to see how I got up.  I didn’t get upset, I didn’t get mad. After checking him out good, I was able to realize that I was going to be in more pain than he was.

Falling down is part of life, literally.  But we have options. We can choose to sit and be upset about falling down or we can get up, wipe our pants off and do something to prevent that happening again.

 

 

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