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Sometimes in life, we have to all be calm and peaceful, even in the most difficult of times. With Boy B, transitions can and sometimes still are hard on him. Some days, he can roll with the transitions and we are good, then others, especially if he is hungry, they are harder.

About a year ago, I tried something with Boy B and it somehow has worked and worked really well and it is just something that is between he and I. But if he is getting worked up or anxious or or a struggle with a transition, I would simply point to my nose and he would stop. He would stop and would walk over to me, put his nose to mine and then I would start by saying “Be calm and peaceful” and he would take a deep breath and we would talk about what was going on. Somehow, this has really worked and worked well. And the funny thing, is that he only really does this with me, but by simply touching my nose and then him coming to me, his entire demeanor changes.

So last night, while doing FaceTime with a friend, who was going through some dating struggles (that God I’m not dating anymore), Baby B walked over and simply said, “Be calm and be peaceful” and then there was a dramatic pause and he finished with “Like the Great White Shark!” And I couldn’t help but laugh and laugh to the point of almost being in tears.

There is something about the phrase, be calm and be peaceful that even quietly saying it, seems to bring a sense of peace and comfort. And for me, being able to have this connection with my son, that I can calmly and quietly get his attention and get him refocused, is just awesome. I don’t have to raise my voice or get upset. I just have to touch my nose and he knows that it is time to be calm and peaceful.

 

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Vacation has come and gone and as I sit in my office, I miss the time that I had with the boys at the beach. I miss the laughing, the relaxation and just being with them during the day.

Our vacation each year, usually includes a week at the beach, mostly at the beach, but this year, we decided to mix in a little education into the trip as well. So the middle of last week, we took the boys to the Aquarium that was about 15 minutes from the beach house and let them walk around and touch sting rays, crabs, etc. and they had a blast. But I think that the highlight from that day was walking out and seeing the Blue Angels doing their practice runs for the day. Now whenever the boys see a plane, they ask if it is one of the Blue Angels. I get it, growing up, most guys wanted to be either a professional athlete or a fighter pilot.

But the thing that I realized the most is that the boys are growing up. They are doing more and more for themselves and becoming even more independent. Boy B decided that he liked Turkey sandwiches with mustard, who knew? Boy A got the courage up to dive into the pool and both learned how to boogie board. And what I saw more than anything, was that they were determined to not only try these new things, but if they got knocked down, they immediately jumped up and tried again.  This determination will only carry them further in life. This determination that they learned before vacation, but which only grew stronger will be something that will help mold their personalities.

Our family vacation had it’s challenges, but all in all, the boys had a great time.

 

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Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you have to deal with deaths and that is what happened yesterday. My wife had to say goodbye to her grandmother, someone who was the rock of their family and who took care of everyone and never once thought of herself.

Today marks a new day in our lives a day with out Grandma. A day when hurt and pain, takes over and controls the loss, but that the memories are and will forever be there and strong. Grandma was an amazing woman, who put everyone else first and herself last. She would offer advice when asked and sometimes when you didn’t. She would give you a look to let you know that you needed to knock it off or a smile to let you know that it was ok.

Goodbyes are hard, plan and simple and tonight, after the kids get home from school, we will sit them down and explain that Grandma has died and is no longer here. Trying to explain death to a 4 year old, is not something that I had really wanted to do, but death is part of life. And I think that part of my issue with explaining it to the boys, is that I to some degree do not understand death myself. I mean, logically, yes, I understand death, but big picture, it is an unknown and unknowns scare me.

I remember after my Grandfather passed away, my father pulled me aside and tried to explain death to me and from what little I remember, it did not make any sense what so ever, but I do remember one thing and that was this, “let’s say our goodbyes, as we’ll see him again one day.” And that statement provided a great deal of hurt and frustration, but more importantly, comfort.

Grandma, you will be missed. You took on the role of my Grandma too, shortly after my Grandmother passed away from Alzheimer’s and I remember you putting your arms around me and telling me that I would see her again. I will always remember how you would have a Coconut cake waiting on me when you knew that I would be there, as that was what my Grandmother always made me. You were the rock of the family and the one that we all looked to for guidance and approval. You will be missed, but you are no longer in any pain. But this isn’t me saying my goodbyes, this is me saying that I’ll see you one day again.

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You really should not laugh at your kids, but sometimes, they just say things that are really funny and at a point in time where you just need a laugh. So, there is a back story here.

Most Sunday mornings, the boys and I are ready for church within about 20 – 25 minutes and we get ready and head off to the van and wait. We wait for my wife and sometimes, it takes a while, a long while.  And I’m not complaining, but 20 – 30 min waiting sometimes does get frustrating. So a month or two ago, I was in a quick witting mood and cued up the song Waitin’ On A Woman (see below) by Brad Paisley and as my wife got in the van, the boys and I sang along with Brad. She would give me the even look, the boys would laugh and we would bump fists and off to church we go.

Well, this was done several times, usually before church and then I had forgotten about it. So last night, the boys and I read our night time story from Winnie The Pooh and as they were getting settled down, Boy B looked out the window for his mom and asked where she was? I started my reply of “She is at work….” and before I could say that she would be home soon, Boy A chimed in that we were just Waitin’ On A Woman. And it was at that moment that I lost it. I laughed so hard until I cried, literally.

The reality is very simple, every guy has spent time Waitin’ On A Woman and I might as well teach the boys a solid life lesson now while they are young, because they too will be waiting one day. But, if you get the right girl, then Waitin’ On A Woman is worth it.


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Growing up, I really struggled with patience and I think that it about broke my father and my backside. I wanted things right then and I wanted things done the way that I wanted them done. But guess what? Life doesn’t work that way and today, I was shown that in a humbling way.

For the last week I have been fighting a bad sinus infection, which for where I live, has been a constant for the last 7 years. And today, after waking up and not being able to hear, I gave in and called to get an appointment with my ENT and luckily, he had 2 openings this afternoon. After getting there and catching up with the Doctor, we decided to have him put in tubes again in both ears. Yes, both ears and yes, I’m getting close to 40. But the point is, I had to have it done then, I couldn’t wait. Sure, I could show patience and wait a few more weeks, but that could cause problems and further complications. So, he performs the minor surgery and off I go.

Yesterday for my downtime, I cooked and cooked a lot. But my new weekly food to make is my homemade salsa. And who doesn’t love just saying the word salsa? The kids don’t eat it, but man it is delicious. So, I’m on the phone with my dad and I’m frustrated because this was the 11th time in my life that I’ve had tubes and the pain and frustration, etc. And as we are talking and I’m waiting to checkout, I see the guy in front of me digging through his pockets for money. He only had 3 items, a bottle of water, band aids and a banana.  And as I’m talking with my Dad, this guy is struggling to find the money. And when I say money, it was about $2.00 roughly.

My dad was asking me questions, I could see the cashier was getting frustrated and the guy, mind you, he looks like he hasn’t showered for days and because of my allergies and sinus infection I couldn’t smell him. But I realized something, this guy didn’t have the money and it was in that moment, I had 2 options: 1) let the guy put the food back or 2) pay the $2.00, because honestly, $2.00 wasn’t anything in my day, as that is what I spend on a cup of coffee almost daily.

Daily, I spend more for a drink than this guy ate all day. And as I’m talking with my Dad, I politely asked if I could call him back and I handed the cashier the money that he needed and told the gentleman to keep his money for another day. There was a couple behind me that rolled their eyes and the guy couldn’t have thanked me enough, as I’m sure that he was embarrassed. The cashier thanked me and we smiled and waved to the guy as he walked out of the store.

When I got my dad back on the phone, he asked me what happened and I seemed replied that I helped a guy that was down on his luck, who looked like he needed a little bit of hope today and that even though it wasn’t much, I think that it gave him at least one meal today. And as I hung up with my Dad, I realized, that a few years ago, I wouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, I would have been frustrated and in a hurry to get out of the store and go home and rest. My ears were hurting, I just wanted to relax. But today, I got to experience that life lesson that I’ve been learning since I was the age of my boys and how today, that patience taught me and reminded me how lucky that I am.

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The older that I get, the more that I realize that I need to devote time for self reflection and time to just unwind and clear my head. Today is one of those days and I thought that I would share a few thoughts/ideas/concerns/etc.

  • This past week, in a small town outside of Roanoke, VA there was yet another senseless shooting.  Please understand, I am 100% in favor of the 2nd Amendment and law abiding citizens being able to legally own and carry fire arms. BUT, I also believe that our society has a serious mental health issue as well and until politicians are able to figure out a legal solution that prevents those that have mental health issues from legally purchasing a gun, then please stay off the tv and keep your political rhetoric to a minimum. Literally within 2 hours of the shootings, the VA Governor held a press conference about gun laws. Mind you, the person that shot the innocent individuals purchased his weapon legally and lawmakers forget that criminals don’t exactly go and register and purchase their handguns legally, as that requires background checks, etc.
  • The stock market took an interesting turn this past week. I only lost $5,000.00, which is a lot, but in the long term, that shouldn’t be too bad. I also upped my contributions to offset future growth and obtain more shares with future purchases.
  • As for the little monkeys, I see more and more growth and maturity in those little guys everyday. They have started to speak a little Spanish, both can count to 10 with no problems and can say a few conversational words. The boys are helping out more at the house and helping clean more. And their personalities just keep growing.
  • Vacation is quickly coming up, but that is something that I”m not necessarily looking forward to again this year. Long story and not a public story. But I will get to spend time with the boys and I’m currently looking at day trips while we are at the beach, i.e. there is an Aquarium nearby, as well as a Naval museum with airplanes.

The last few weeks have been an up and down time for me personally and professionally. I’m fortunate to have the job that I do, as there are so many that are unemployed, though, I often time questions my current career path.  In talking with one of my best friends, who is in a similar situation, I know where my passion lies, though I don’t think that it is my career, as I would hate to lose that passion and turn it into a job that I hate. But at the same time, I wonder if the culture here at work, is contributing to my uncertainty?

Reflection is important for interpersonal perspective. The more that you can self identify, the more that you can stay on top of the things that are bothering you and keep you focused on the important things. So this morning, as I was driving into the office and thinking about the kids and how quickly they are growing and as my work week winds down, I can’t wait to spend the weekend with them. We have a few things already planned to grill and cook and I’m going to teach them how to make chicken and mushroom risotto this weekend and hopefully get some much needed downtime in as well.

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I don’t get time away from life, my family, work etc. very often, so when I do, I try to take advantage of it as best I can.  And for the longest time, I struggled with the concept of time away from my kids, because I thought that I was being a bad parent, but I realized that I was wrong.

This past weekend, I took a few days off from work and went down to my family farm and worked. It was really hard saying goodbye to the boys last Thursday morning and I assured them that I would be back on Sunday and that if they were good, I would bring them a surprise. The struggle that I had, was that I was leaving them. But I was leaving them exhausted and burned out. Not from them, but from a lot of other factors in my life. I was leaving them with my wife, who has never had them alone by herself for 4 days at a time, doing it all.

My life, revolves 100% around my kids. Plain and simple. But a lot of things had been building up for me and I just needed a little time away. I needed time to clear my head, focus on somethings and plan somethings out. This time away, allowed me to hop on the tractor and just drive and think and more importantly, I didn’t have any interruptions. No one pulling on my leg, no one emailing me (I don’t have cell service at the farm), no one lining up outside my door asking me questions or needing me to fix a problem. I just had time to think.

But one of the biggest and most glaring realizations that I had, was that time away isn’t bad. In fact, it is rather healthy. It was good that my wife had them for several days and could hopefully appreciate all that I do when she travels. It was great to see the expressions on my kids faces when I got back yesterday. And it gave me time to come to peace with somethings.

So parents, if you get the chance, take a little time away for yourselves, you’ll be better parents for it in the long run.

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Where do my kids come up with these crazy sayings, like “Bad idea”? Where would a 4 year old pick that phrase up? And not only pick it up, but more importantly, using it correctly.

This morning as I was getting ready and trying to get the boys ready, Baby B, (I guess I should start referring to them as Son A or B, as they are no longer babies) said to me “Daddy, going to work is a bad idea, a really bad idea!” Understand, this is the one that was delayed in speech for 2 1/2 years and I really think that he was on to something. Lately, work has really been just that work. As I have grown in my career, my focus has changed, my time has been pulled into multiple directions and my passion has changed.

As I mentioned in a previous post on Regrets, this has been something that I’ve been really focused on other things. Maybe I need to take some of my own advice? Fortunately, I have a quick weekend trip to farm scheduled this weekend, which will give me time to think and process life. But, as I sit in my office, phone calls are coming in, emails about 1 a minute and people are stopping by and asking questions, I think that my son was right, coming into the office today was a bad idea, a really bad idea. Smart kid.

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To my sons, this is my hope and wishes for you.

Regrets, yeah I’ve a few in my life and some of those have seemed to have crept up lately and got me thinking.  So I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas.

  • Life is to short to have any regrets, so live today as it is your last. Live life to the fullest everyday, as we aren’t guaranteed that there is a tomorrow.
  • Follow your heart and your passions for your career and know that you are able to change directions at anytime. BUT, choose a career that you love doing and the day that you wake up and dread going into work that day, it is time to change.
  • Travel. See the country. Eat in dives. Drink really good beer. Visit the Grand Canyon and sit in silence and listen to the sounds. Visit the beach on the east coast and put your toes in the sand and take a cross country flight to LA and goto the beach there and do the same thing. Experience as much as you can of local cultures and talk with strangers. Yes, today as you are a child, do not talk with strangers, but when you are an adult. Talk with strangers and learn and absorb the culture.
  • Learn to cook. You are both well on your way to this now as you both help me a lot to cook or grill. But learn to cook and learn to cook different foods and really challenge yourself and your love of food. And remember, a cheap grill is just that, cheap. Spend the money for a nice grill and it is an investment that will be well worth it.
  • Save your money. It isn’t the most important thing, but will afford you the ability to do the things that you love doing.
  • Faith – have faith in something. We will do our best to introduce you, but it will ultimately be up to you to continue that faith in a higher being.
  • The old saying is very true. It is better to give than receive. Help someone else that is less fortunate than you are. You have never gone a day of wanting in your life. You have been blessed beyond what you’ll ever be able to know and understand, so help someone that needs a chance.
  • Your mom and I will not always be there for you, so learn how to take care of yourself and learn to pickup after yourself. I was 21 before I learned how to wash clothes, you will learn before then and your wives will thank you and us.
  • And this might be the most important life lesson that I have for you. When you meet the love of your life and you will know it and please, do not let her go. TRUST ME on this one guys, you’ll regret it everyday if you do and it will cause a lot of heartache, frustrations and struggles. If you learn nothing else from me, learn this.

Life is hard. Life will throw you curve balls, but you have to sit back and wait for the right pitch to take and promise me that you’ll live your life to the fullest and life with no regrets.

These are just a few of the life lessons that I hope to be able to share with you throughout your life, but life is too short to live with regrets.

 

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Lately, I’ve felt that I haven’t been able to focus or when I do focus, I’m focusing on things that I should not or that are distractions. Life can be hard, we are often pulled in so many different directions, between work and home life, focus can really become blurred.

My commute each day is about 1 hour in both directions and I often use that time to think through my day, what needs to be done when I get to the office. What meetings that are scheduled and what tasks I need to get completed, etc. And my commute home, I focus on spending time with my boys, making sure that they have a good meal to eat and that after dinner we play and get ready for bed. But lately, these drive times have been more of a distraction. They have clouded my thinking and my views and have some days left me in a fog, so to speak.

I realized on my drive in this morning that there are a lot of things going on, both at home and work that are starting to weigh heavily on me. I need to decompress. I need to step away from life for a few days. I need to regain my focus. My focus has and will always be my kids and that will never change. But at the same time, I need to think through all aspects of my life and do something for me. I need a few days off. I need to think about my life for a while. I need to sit on the dock and look at the mountains and I need to listen. I need to listen to the sounds around me and focus on change.

I need to find my focus.

 

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