Author's Posts

Being a parents often times requires us to pivot a lot. Pivot quick and often and at a moments notice. Last night, we had to pivot and we are still trying t figure out our next move.

Yesterday at the end of the day, we were informed that the state shut down our daycare. No notice. Nothing. My wife was scheduled to go out of town and I was going to have to figure all of this out on my own. Work. Daycare. Pivot.

I had to quickly figure out my schedule, plan on working from home, contact the state, get a list of possible alternative daycare providers, etc. And somehow, explain to  the boys that we had to change providers, again, but that they were going to make a lot of new friends. Difficult few hours, absolutely.

Last night, I got the boys together and my wife and I sat down and figured out a game plan. We cancelled her trip, I got the basketball game on and just drifted away from life for a few hours. This morning, I started working and also reaching out to other providers and forgot how intense it was going through this process.

Life is full of challenges. Full of changes. Full of times where we have to pivot and change directions at the drop of the hat. But we have to do this for the benefit of our children and we have to do it, because being a parent, things change in a moments notice.

Read more

Thanksgiving traditions have changed for me throughout the years. As a kid, as with Christmas, we always loaded up and went to my grandparents. We would eat lunch at one grandparent and then go to the other grandparent for dinner. But what I do remember is all of the riding. I remember to this day where all the bumps were in the road and sights were on the road and I remember being out on the farm and running around.

And as an adult, my Thanksgiving traditions changed when I moved to Houston, as for the first several years, I didn’t realize that I had family out there. But my traditions revolved around watching the parade, going to Luby’s for lunch and then finding a place to volunteer. But what I liked the most about those traditions, is that for several years, I didn’t have to travel. I could just stay within a 5 – 10 mile radius of my house.

Now that I have kids, my Thanksgiving traditions have once again changed. And I say that, because they are going to change again next year. But this year, my wife was called out for work, so the boys and I got up early and watched Star Wars – Return of the Jedi, then watched the parade and then we played and I also cleaned the house.  We did travel to have lunch with my wife’s family, but that was it. But it couldn’t be that easy could it? Nope. Today, after work, we’ll load the kids and drive for 3 1/2 hours for another Thanksgiving.

So what is the change for next year? NO TRAVELING! NONE. NADA. ZIP. ZERO. I’M DONE TRAVELING FOR HOLIDAYS!

I’ve hit my point in my life that I’m done with traveling, if family want to see my kids or me, then load up and come on over. I’ll take care of all the food and will have a cold beer waiting, but don’t expect anymore traveling. Traditions were made to be broken and I’m breaking this one. I don’t want my kids to remember the bumps in the road and all the little sights like I did. I spent more time in the back of a car going from place to place and honestly, I resent it. I resent that my parents didn’t stand up to their parents and ask them to come to us. Sure, later in life, driving wasn’t as easy and that I understand, but not when we were kids. And as soon as my wife starts talking about our travels for the holidays, my blood pressure shoots up.

So, this years Thanksgiving traditions stayed the same, but going forward, we are making new traditions and traditions that I hope that my kids can carry on as they grow up and start a family.

Read more

Yesterday, for just an hour, I wasn’t connected to a phone or computer. For just an hour, I didn’t have to check email or text messages from the office.

For just an hour, I didn’t have to worry about life or think about life. But I did get to escape. I got to walk about from the distractions of life and clear my head.

Last night, I went to bed and knew that I was coming down with a sinus infection and I knew that I was more than likely going to be at home today with the boys, as one of them was not feeling well. And getting up this morning, I knew within 15 minutes what my day was going to look like and honestly, I wasn’t that far off.

Boy B has a cold. Boy A when told that he was going to daycare alone, freaked out. Could they both have gone to daycare, sure. I am just one that errors on the side of caution, especially with the holidays coming up.

Today consisted of the Boy B taking medicine for his cold (honey) and my trying to work and rest. Tonight, after my wife got home, I cooked dinner and got everyone ready for bed. Sure, I still have a sore throat and my ears are clogged up, but my kids don’t care. I mean, they do, but they still need guidance in getting them ready for bed.

But as I was rocking the boys to sleep, I thought back to yesterday and in how an hour, changed my outlook of the day. And today, I missed not having an hour alone without interruption, but the realty is that the boys will only be this age for a little long and at some point, they will not want to spend the day with me. They will not want to sit in my lap.

And in that moment, I wanted just an hour from today, to stand still in time.

Read more

We just got back from a long weekend away from life out in the country and I would love to go back now.  There is just something about country life that helps me clear my head and regain some focus of life. The boys were able to run around, play, go and see the animals.

The boys were able to play and not worry about life. They could play in the dirt, run up and down the paths and just be kids. And I could chase them (as best as my knee would let me) and we could walk and talk. The boys and I grilled every night while we were at the farm house. We laughed and we had amazing days and because the boys were so tired, night time routines were a breeze.

There is something about going to a simpler time and just relaxing. It is something that we don’t get to do very often and it is something that as I was driving into work this morning, something that I really desired and craved. I want more of the down time and more of the fun with my kids and less time in my jeep driving to and from work. Life is very short and spending 3 – 4 hours a day commuting isn’t quality of life that I want anymore. Being able to walk to the barn and get on the tractor and just go, is something that I want more of.

So today, as I sit at my desk, thinking about the weekend and the playing that we did, I miss it already. I miss that part of life that is quiet and part of nature.

 

Read more

Pets are extensions of our families and as with humans, sometimes things happen and we have to say goodbye to our pets and that happened to us this past weekend.

My wife got a cat a little over 10 years ago & he has traveled and been a part of her life through the end of college, moving home, buying a house, ME, the lose of her mom and the list continues. But over the last year, the cat started to have problems and I must admit, the cat and I had a love hate relationship. In full disclosure, I’m allergic to cats and had to continue taking allergy shots for the last 9 years and the cat also tripped me, causing me to ultimately have two knee operations. But nevertheless, the cat was a HUGE part of my wife’s life and the boys had gotten really attached to the cat as well, especially Boy A.

My wife and I had begin to notice that the cat wasn’t himself, not eating or drinking and was just laying in cool places more frequently. The vet for the last year had mentioned numerous times that there was something wrong with the cat’s stomach and that they would continue to treat it until the medicines were no longer effective and that became apparent Friday night. Late Friday night, I was up reading and had a movie on and the cat came into the living room and got really sick and then went and laid down. Saturday morning, the cat barely moved and my wife and I went upstairs to talk, away from the boys after she was able to get an appointment with the vet. I just simply said that I thought that it was a good idea to have the boys say goodbye, just in case, because I was pretty sure that the medicine didn’t work and that it was the end. And even though I think that my wife knew that, she was holding out hope, after all, this was her little buddy.

So, we explained to the boys that the cat wasn’t feeling well and had to go back to the Dr. But that before he did, that they should give him a kiss goodbye and pet him. Little did we know, that my gut feeling was right. The vet basically said that the treatments were no longer effective and that we could send the cat off to a specialty hospital, but that in the end, it really wouldn’t solve the problem. And minutes later, my wife texted me that she had made the decision and that was time to say goodbye.

An hour later, my wife walked into the house, without her cat and Boy A asked where the cat was? And it was then we had to sit them down and explain that his cat had been sick and that the Dr. couldn’t make him any better. After a lot of tears, both from my wife and my son, he cleared his throat and asked if the cat was in Heaven and better now? Well, that got me teared up and again, I had a love/hate relationship with the cat. The last several days have been sad around the house, but both boys have already been throwing out ideas for future pets, I believe Hamsters, Dolphins, Crabs, Goldfish and Dogs have all been thrown out as suggestions. But I think that my wife and I decided to keep pets off the table for now, let the healing continue and we need to get through Christmas first and then we’ll see about more pets.

Last night, as the boys and I were out grilling, I asked Boy B to close the screened door and was getting ready to say “Don’t let the cat out!” and it was then that it hit me, the cat is gone. For the last 9 years, the cat and I have tangled, but my wife and at least one of the boys loved that cat. And for that, I hated having to tell the boys. I hated explaining the concept of death, again. I hated that in their short lives, they have to lose a great grandmother and now their cat. Death is hard to understand and comprehend, even as an adult and yet, the boys seemed to do a pretty good job with the idea of it on Saturday. So as we said our prayers Saturday night, we said a little one for the cat, because as Boy A summed it up on Saturday, “He isn’t hurting and now playing with his friends.”

Read more

Halloween this year was a complete bust. Ok, that might be a stretch, but it wasn’t what we envisioned for sure.  Let me back up and start with this.

For Halloween this year, the boys actually went out twice, the first was Trunk or Treat at their grandfather’s church. They had a blast going car to car getting candy and running around and playing on the playground. They had a parade of costumes where all the kids lined up and they just had a blast. Boy A was Spiderman and Boy B was a 3 Headed Dragon and everyone loved seeing them.

Halloween night was a completely different event and to a point, I was bummed. The boys were so excited to get candy and goto the mall like we did last year, but it was a complete bust. We get to the mall and start walking around and after we got to the 3rd store I started to realize that none of the stores were giving out candy. The mall moved back the time this year from 5 to 2 and either the mall was overwhelmed with visitors, which I can’t imagine or the stores just didn’t get the memo.

Regardless, the boys basically got 10 pieces of candy and they were beyond happy and my wife and I were beyond disappointed. I was upset that they were so looking forward to a bucket full of candy and they got almost nothing. But what I realized as we were driving to dinner after leaving the mall, the boys didn’t care. All they cared about was dressing up, it was my wife and I that were missing that point. Halloween isn’t’ just about candy, but it seems that it is more about the costume for the boys.

As we started putting away the pumpkins and the costumes last night, the boys said goodbye to Halloween and hello to Thanksgiving and in just a minute they went from candy to turkey.

Read more

I was driving into work today and I was thinking about the weekend, how much fun we had going to Trunk or Treat and seeing how happy the boys were dressed up in their costumes. And it hit me how much I just love those little guys.  I’m fortunate that I get to spend so much time with the boys and how much fun that we have. Yes, I’m their parent not their best friend, but I honestly love being around the boys. Now, Saturday night, Boy B was pushing the limits and trying to run away and hide and at home, that is fine, but in a crowded area, makes it a little harder to maintain.

And I think that on top of the weekend, the sermon series is all about a Father’s love and it got me thinking about two specific things, King George Strait and Derek Redmond.

If you are a country music fan, then at some point in time, you’ve sung along with King George and if you are an old school fan, you’ve probably sung a lyric or two from the hit, A Love Without End, Amen. But yesterday, I was thinking about the chorus and it really resonated with me:

“Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”

And here is the video:

But George is right, we don’t just love our kids every now and then, we love them everyday and until we take our final breath. And Saturday as I was talking with Boy B about his behavior I didn’t love him any less, in fact, I think that I loved him more in that moment when he put his arms around me and apologized for misbehaving.

And then was actually the clip that we watched in church yesterday about Olympic runner Derek Redmond and how as he was running, tore his hamstring. And as he begin limping towards the finish line a guy from the crowd runs out to help him, his father. And I think that the favorite part for me was when one of the Olympic officials tried to get him to stop and his father basically told him to get away.

A father’s love bound to a normal idea or philosophy, but instead a father’s love is unconditional. A father’s love is a bond and is as strong as nothing else. It is my responsibility as my son’s father to be there for them and help teach and show them how to grow up to be men. To teach them life lessons and to also talk with them when they do wrong. And when they do wrong, and they will, I’ll be there to show them a love without end.

Read more

Our church has been doing a 30 day challenge of all the members praying the simple prayer “God, if you are real, make yourself real to me.” And as we were in church yesterday, the sermon was on the Parable of the Lost Son and then they closed with a more modern version of the parable and it really got me thinking. What if I were in that same situation where one of my boys ran away? How would I feel? What would I think? How devastated would I be?  How welcoming would I be when they returned home? All of these thoughts flooded my head as the pastor was reading the modern version and as I wiped the tear from my eye, I realized that no matter what, no matter where, I will love my sons unconditionally.I will always be there for them, as long as I am breathing and I hope and pray that my sons know and realize this. I hope that they will learn that they come first, no matter what and that I will always love them.

But as I was sitting in my seat as the service closed, I realized, though I didn’t run away, I did move away from my family when I was 21. And I remember before leaving my grandfather’s house, my Dad took me outside and simply said, that he would always be there for me and that I could come home whenever I wanted to. And it hit me yesterday, I did the same thing, to a point. I left to find myself and in some regards, not deal with some of my family issues, but I also did it because I needed to.

And as I sat in church, I remember my drive to Houston, Texas and I remember how I felt getting there and my first night there, thinking if I had made the right decision or if I should just go home? But as days turned to weeks and weeks to months and months to years, what I realized is that your family will be there for you, even when you make the wrong choices. So to my sons, if you go the wrong way, just remember that you can always come home and that you’ll always be loved.
This is a great short story by Philip Yancey: like Jesus’ ‘prodigal son’ it not only speaks of those who have physically left home and wasted their lives, but in a sense it is what we have ALL done spiritually. As in the parable of Jesus the ending portrays God’s great love for the returning child.

“A young girl grows up on a cherry orchard just above Traverse City, Michigan. Her parents, a bit old-fashioned, tend to over-react to her nose ring, the music she listens to, and the length of her skirts. They ground her a few times, and she seethes inside. ‘I hate you!’ she screams at her father when he knocks on the door of her room after an argument, and that night she acts on a plan she has mentally rehearsed scores of times. She runs away.

She has visited Detroit only once before, on a bus trip with her church youth group to watch the Tigers play. Because newspapers in Traverse City report in lurid detail the gangs, the drugs, and the violence in downtown Detroit, she concludes that is probably the last place her parents will look for her. California, maybe, or Florida, but not Detroit.

Her second day there she meets a man who drives the biggest car she’s ever seen. He offers her a ride, buys her lunch, arranges a place for her to stay. He gives her some pills that make her feel better than she’s ever felt before. She was right all along, she decides: her parents were keeping her from all the fun.

The good life continues for a month, two months, a year. The man with the big car –she calls him ‘Boss’– teaches her a few things that men like. Since she’s underage, men pay a premium for her. She lives in a penthouse, and orders room service whenever she wants. Occasionally she thinks about the folks back home, but their lives now seem so boring and provincial that she can hardly believe she grew up there.

She has a brief scare when she sees her picture printed on the back of a milk carton with the headline “Have you seen this child?” But by now she has blond hair, and with all the makeup and body-piercing jewelry she wears, nobody would mistake her for a child. Besides, most of her friends are runaways, and nobody squeals in Detroit.

After a year the first sallow signs of illness appear, and it amazes her how fast the boss turns mean. “These days, we can’t mess around,” he growls, and before she knows it she’s out on the street without a penny to her name. She still turns a couple of tricks a night, but they don’t pay much, and all the money goes to support her habit. When winter blows in she finds herself sleeping on metal grates outside the big department stores. “Sleeping” is the wrong word – a teenage girl at night in downtown Detroit can never relax her guard. Dark bands circle her eyes. Her cough worsens.

One night as she lies awake listening for footsteps, all of a sudden everything about her life looks different. She no longer feels like a woman of the world. She feels like a little girl, lost in a cold and frightening city. She begins to whimper. Her pockets are empty and she’s hungry. She needs a fix. She pulls her legs tight underneath her and shivers under the newspapers she’s piled atop her coat. Something jolts a synapse of memory and a single image fills her mind: of May in Traverse City, when a million cherry trees bloom at once, with her golden retriever dashing through the rows and rows of blossomy trees in chase of a tennis ball.

God, why did I leave, she says to herself, and pain stabs at her heart. My dog back home eats better than I do now. She’s sobbing, and she knows in a flash that more than anything else in the world she wants to go home.

Three straight phone calls, three straight connections with the answering machine. She hangs up without leaving a message the first two times, but the third time she says, “Dad, Mom, it’s me. I was wondering about maybe coming home. I’m catching a bus up your way, and it’ll get there about midnight tomorrow. If you’re not there, well, I guess I’ll just stay on the bus until it hits Canada.”

It takes about seven hours for a bus to make all the stops between Detroit and Traverse City, and during that time she realizes the flaws in her plan. What if her parents are out of town and miss the message? Shouldn’t she have waited another day or so until she could talk to them? And even if they are home, they probably wrote her off as dead long ago. She should have given them some time to overcome the shock.

Her thoughts bounce back and forth between those worries and the speech she is preparing for her father. “Dad, I’m sorry. I know I was wrong. It’s not your fault; it’s all mine. Dad, can you forgive me?” She says the words over and over, her throat tightening even as she rehearses them. She hasn’t apologized to anyone in years.

The bus has been driving with lights on since Bay City. Tiny snowflakes hit the pavement rubbed worn by thousands of tires, and the asphalt steams. She’s forgotten how dark it gets at night out here. A deer darts across the road and the bus swerves. Every so often, a billboard. A sign posting the mileage to Traverse City Oh, God.

When the bus finally rolls into the station, its air brakes hissing in protest, the driver announces in a crackly voice over the microphone, “Fifteen minutes, folks. That’s all we have here.” Fifteen minutes to decide her life. She checks herself in a compact mirror, smooths her hair, and licks the lipstick off her teeth. She looks at the tobacco stains on her fingertips, and wonders if her parents will notice. If they’re there.

She walks into the terminal not knowing what to expect. Not one of the thousand scenes that have played out in her mind prepares her for what she sees. There, in the concrete-walls-and-plastic-chairs bus terminal in Traverse City, Michigan, stands a group of forty brothers and sisters and great-aunts and uncles and cousins and a grandmother and great-grandmother to boot. They’re all wearing goofy party hats and blowing noise-makers, and taped across the entire wall of the terminal is a computer-generated banner that reads “Welcome home!”

Out of the crowd of well-wishers breaks her dad. She stares out through the tears quivering in her eyes like hot mercury and begins the memorized speech, “Dad, I’m sorry. I know…”

He interrupts her. ‘Hush child. We’ve got no time for that. No time for apologies. You’ll be late for the party. A banquet’s waiting for you at home.’”

Read more

No, this isn’t a religious post, but more a post about how our Children hear and repeat everything that we say. And what is even funnier, is when they repeat things and say it at the right time and in the right way.

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were goofing off and I was on a role with one liners and quick comments and I had just seen the #Hashtag YouTube video with Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake and started doing #hashtags in everything that I was saying.  Well, one of the #hashtags was The Gospel, meaning, the truth after something that my wife said and she and I laughed and kept on going. Well, last night, I got home and my wife and I were talking about something from work, nothing serious, just a quick conversation that I thought that was funny and I responded by basically saying that I was right and that she was wrong. In no less than 5 seconds that words came out of my mouth, Boy A chimed in with #The Gospel and I thought that I was going to lose it.

The timing was perfect. The way that he said it. I was doubled over at the sink and had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. Our kids listen to us and look for laughs when they can. After a long day, I needed that laugh. I needed to be reminded that life is short and that sometimes we have to laugh. And sometimes that laughing is a way to put life back into perspective. So, today or tomorrow or whenever, remember 2 things as parents: 1) Laugh and laugh as often as you can and 2) your kids are listening and you never know when they are going to repeat you.

#The Gospel

Read more

Growing up, when ever I would use the phrase “I can not” as it related to doing something, or not doing something, my mom especially would correct me. She always pointed out that I could do anything that I put my mind to and that I could be successful, if I just tried.

Last week, Boy A was bound and determined to button his shirt and zip up his own jacket, but he was really struggling with the holes on his shirt and pushing the button through. I offered to help and show him, but he was determined to do it on his on, but then he got frustrated and stopped and said “I can not do it”. I looked at him and smiled, just as my mother did to me and I told him the same thing, that he could do anything that he put his mind to it and that together we were going to work together on him learning how to button his shirt.

So, I buttoned the top and bottom button for him and showed him how to find the hole with one hand and slide the button through with the other. And then, he did it. He did it on the first time and he said that he could button his own shirt and he was so happy. He was beyond excited and proud of himself and so was I.

Growing up, I was always told that I could do anything that I put my mind to and I remember both of my parents saying that to me, right before I departed out on my own to Texas. And I didn’t understand it fully until I had been there for a few months and then it hit me, I did it. Sure, there were times that I would say “I can not stay here or do this on my own” and then something would happen and I would realize that I could do it and that I learned a lesson while doing it. And I hope that my son learned a little lesson while trying to button his shirt, sure it can be tricky, but so is life. Life is going to always through challenges, but it is how we deal with it and there are times that we just have to say I can and figure out ways to overcome obstacles.

Read more