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In life, friends will come and go. Many will be there for the good times and few will be there for the bad, but a true friend, is worth more than anything.

Yesterday, we packed up and drove for an hour to meet up with one of my best friends, who happens to also be my old roommate from Texas. We go back almost 20 years now and even though we only see each other 2 – 3 times a year, it is just like yesterday that we were together and having a beer and talking about life, our plans and our dreams. And yesterday was no different, except now, my boys run and jump in his arms when they see him and give him hugs and tell him about what is going on at school. And we talked yesterday at lunch for 3 hours, the boys were awesome and they let us just talk and my friend, we laughed and told jokes, caught up on life and somethings going on in our lives and just enjoyed our time together.

Our time, is never long enough. But, one thing that I’ve remember from when I was a little older than my sons, is that my Uncle Kenny (not really my uncle, but my Dad’s best friend), that you’ll only have 5 or fewer really close friends, those that will be there for you no matter what. My Uncle Kenny was a smart man, because he is right. My best friend, who my boys call their Uncle too, knows things about me and my life, that no one else knows. There is no judgement, there is just an understanding that no matter what, we will always be there for the other. The night that I called him and told him that my mother in law was killed, he was on his computer trying to book a flight. A few weeks ago, he called and was having a rough time and I was on my computer looking for a flight.

Friends that will be there for you through your lowest moment are your friends that will be there to drink a beer with you in our your highest moments. But as my wife said to me yesterday after lunch, you would have thought that my best friend and I had just seen each other the week before, because we just fall right into place with our conversations and laughing and joking around.

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Losing sucks, there is just no nice way to say it! Last night, UNC lost to dook and it SUCKED! I’m still mad. I’m mad this morning, not that UNC lost, but how they lost. They didn’t play hard. They didn’t play as a team. They weren’t focused on the end goal of winning.

I remember growing up and playing sports, we lost games because guys didn’t hustle. Last night, UNC didn’t hustle and that is what makes losing sucks the most. And at the end of the game, after I had used more bad language than one adult should use, my wife looked at me and said “it is just a game.”

How sweet, she thinks that it is just a game.. No, UNC basketball is a way of life. And when it is the UNC vs. dook game, it is about bragging rights. It is about that stretch between 15-501 that separates these two schools and at the end of the day, losing to the dookies sucks. My Godfather and I have had text messages all night and day. My brother who is in LA and I have been exchanging text messages, I can’t even log onto Facebook today, because all the dookies have photos and it just fuels my anger even more.

Sure, it is just a game, but losing sucks, especially when the outcome could have been different.  So on the way into work this morning, I thought about Dean Smith and the games that he coached against Krashitski and then this quote popped into my head and it rings true today, both for the game and in life.

“What to do with a mistake: recognize it, admit it, learn from it, forget it.” – Dean Smith

So, how will UNC learn from the game, because it is in the past and nothing can change the outcome? What will my kids do to learn from their mistakes when they play sports? Recognize the mistake, admit it (Coach Williams has partially done that today), learn from it (he isn’t going to call time outs, so scratch that one) and forget it, and unfortunately, if you ever play sports, you don’t forget it.

Losing sucks and it is hard to get past it sometimes. Today is a new day. Today is a new opportunity. Yesterday is gone and in the past. Learn from the past and make today and tomorrow better.

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8 Miles separates two universities. 8 miles separates a rivalry that is known throughout the United States, but in North Carolina, that rivalry of 8 miles, can dived families and friends. But tonight, two universities meet, #5 UNC vs #20 dook.

Growing up in North Carolina, this was the game that we all waited for. The UNC vs dook game was in fact, the bucket list game for all sports fans. And this past weekend, my family and I went down to Chapel Hill for a game and the excitement was already started to brew among the fans. When the game this past Sunday was out of reach, the topic turned to tonight’s game. Even at the restaurant and walking through campus, fans were talking about the game and how much it means to them. And as fans, we all have memorable games. Danny Green’s drunk. Tyler Hansbourgh. Michael Jordan. James Worthy. Antwan Jameson. Watching Dean Smith walk the sideline. And the list goes on and on and on.

But this game, isn’t just a game. It isn’t just a rivalry between two schools that are only 8 miles apart, it is bigger than that. It is college basketball in the state of North Carolina. It is a game(s) that allow for bragging rights for the year. It is what dreams are made of and highlights on ESPN. For me, it isn’t just another game, it is THE game to watch and as my sons get older and they understand my love for UNC Basketball, they too will love this game as much as I do. They will get to stay up on school nights, as I did, for this game. They will learn the players, the moves, the logic of plays and the history of the rivalry.

Tonight, is more than just a game. It is, college basketball at it’s finest in the great state of North Carolina. And it just so happens, that an 8 mile stretch of 15-501 separate the two campuses.

 

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Secretly, I’m going to miss the day and it is going to happen a lot faster than I want to admit, when the boys no longer want to rock at night.  And that is going to be a really sad day for me.

Most nights, I would probably say, 5 out of 7, I put the boys down by myself. I get them ready for bed, read, and then we sing a song or two and then put them down. Depending on how tired they are, Boy A will want to rock, which means that if Boy B hasn’t fallen asleep within 5 minutes of his head hitting the pillow, that he too will want to rock. Tonight, was no different.  And as I was rocking Boy A, it hit me, he is getting bigger and will not want to do this much longer.

Secretly, I’m really going to miss this. This is our time to talk (whisper), sing (I’m an awful singer), and just share our thoughts for the day and be together. This is our time and no one can take that away from us. It is the time that we formed a strong bond and a solid trust. I shared stories of my childhood, some at least, we made up stories before bed, we talked about plans for the next day. All of these things, I will dearly miss when you no longer want me to rock you to sleep.

Does that mean that we will not still do those things, no, not at all. We’ll still do all of those things and more! But those moments were you would fall asleep in my arms, holding onto my finger for dear life, I’ll never get those nights back. And I will miss those moments.

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On the way to church on Sunday morning, we were talking with the boys and it was during a moment of quietness that Boy A shouted out that he had 5 Girlfriends. And if that wasn’t enough, not only did he have the 5 girlfriends, he was getting married to one of them.

Here is the difference between Dads and Moms. I gave my son a fist bump and asked a few key questions.
1) what about the other 4 girlfriends?
2) how was he going to pay for his wedding?
3) what did her parents think about them getting married so quickly?
4) did he proposal or did she just tell them that they were getting married?

To me, these were all important questions. To his mom, she was almost in tears and there I was fighting back laughing. The reality is, that apparently my son does have 5 girlfriends at school, as this was confirmed by his teacher this morning. And no, my other son has zero and seems perfectly content.

It is good to laugh. In fact, if we don’t laugh, we’ll end up with a really boring life. And we really shouldn’t take things like a 5 year old too seriously when it comes to getting married. But what I am proud of, is how they have really adapted to being in a new environment and how they have really made new friends.

These boys will love and lose girlfriends along the way. It is just a fact. But I love watching them and how their personalities are really shining and really coming out.

So to my son with 5 girlfriends, save up, because you’ll need a lot of money for dates in the future.

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As a child, my mother has often told me the story that when I was learning to write, that I would become increasingly frustrated because I couldn’t get it right the first time. And because my mother was an elementary school teacher, we had stacks and stacks of the old lined ruled paper and fat pencils.

Last night on the drive home, Boy B asked if he could do his homework when we got home. I mean, I don’t really ever remember a time as a child that I asked to do homework. In fact, I did the opposite that many times, I didn’t tell my mother that I had homework and would do it when I was supposed to be in bed. But last night, after he finished writing the letter Q, both upper and lower case, I asked him to write the first letter of his name and he could not do it.

I had to think quickly, so I flipped the paper over, wrote his name and within seconds, he started writing his name. He was learning to write his name, based off of what I did and showed him. That was such a rewarding moment and experience. It was in that moment, that I felt that the day was complete and that nothing else matter. To see the look on his face that he was writing his own name was just amazing. Was his writing perfect, far from it. But he is learning to write and that is the most important thing.

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A few weeks ago, after a stretch of a few hard nights with Boy A and his night terrors, we broke down and bought the Lully to help him sleep better.

At first, I was a little skeptical, because in theory, I should be able to continue to reduce the number of night terrors by adjusting his sleep schedule. But for a stretch that wasn’t the case. I was sticking with our normal nighttime routine and nothing was working.  My wife was in a Mom’s group on Facebook and another parent posted about the Lully and how it had reduced the night terrors down to 1 a week. I figured what the heck, it was not cheap, but if it helped him sleep and me too, then it was worth it.

So the first night that we got the device, I immediately charged it and got it setup but I somehow misread/misunderstood that the device had to be charged up. My bad. So, yeah, I took the Lully device and put it back downstairs and wouldn’t you know it, he had a night terror that night. The next time and since then, I was able to use the device and so far it seems to be working.

Last night, I knew before putting the boys down that Boy A was going to have a night terror. All of the typical patterns of behavior of being over exhausted were there, so last night was going to be the first true test of Lully. It took him a few minutes to get settled and 50 minutes later, I was back up ready to use the device and try to wake him slowly out of his sleep. Within 5 seconds of turning on the device, he moved his legs, 5 seconds later he was stirring around.

Well, it worked! No night terror. He was able to sleep through the night and I was able to have a good night sleep. Thanks Lully!

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This past weekend during the snow blizzard in the Mid Atlantic, I’m really not sure who had the most fun, the boys are myself? There was a lot of laughing that is for sure going on at the house.

The boys asked to do a few things:

  1. Make snow angles
  2. Make snow prints like dinosaurs
  3. Make a snowman
  4. Make snow cream
  5. Have a snowball fight

Well, 4 out of 5 things from that list got completed, which really isn’t a bad odds, especially when we are talking about guys. So, we didn’t make a snowman and it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but the snow was too light to make the base. It was hard even getting a good snowball formed, but with enough pressure, we got those made.

What I’ve learned about being a dad is that sometimes, you just have to live in the moment. Yes, I was working the entire weekend, making updates to our corporate websites, but we were also doing a lot of laughing. And it was during the course of the weekend that I realized how much of that fun that my father missed out on with me. He did have snowball fights with me and he certainty would not have let me win, which is what I did. He wouldn’t have taught me to make snow cream or make gigantic foot prints in the snow like dinosaurs.

What I’m realizing the most about being a parent, is being there in the moment with them. Being able to teach them things, like I showed them how to make scrambled eggs this past weekend. That is an important life skill. And I hope that by sharing some of my knowledge for cooking, which help teach them to focus on details sometimes and other times, through caution into the wind and change things up a little. But what I’ve really learned, is that I hope that my boys have as much fun as I do when we are together and that they pass their love of laughing and having fun when they are fathers.

Parenting is hard work. While my wife was gone, it was just me. Now, I’ve been alone with the boys for up to 5 days before alone, but this time was different. This time, there was an added level of stress with shoveling, extra cooking and cleaning and working, but thinking ahead if we were to lose power, etc.

And something else, I have a new found respect for single parents, as I have no idea how they do it all the time and do everything.

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Growing up as a kid in North Carolina, seeing snow was a really big deal. Maybe once a year we would get a snow shower of an inch or so? Maybe in my 20 years of living in North Carolina I saw several inches, but rarely did I see a lot.

And then, I moved to Mid Atlantic area. I think in my first year, we had several snow storms that had a foot of snow? And then we had the blizzard of 2010 and we had two blizzards in a week and I think we had over 36″ during that one week? But those were all pre-kids for me. I could sleep in, watch tv, read, rest, whatever. But with kids, snow takes on a whole different world.

This morning, as we are watching the snow fall, easily on top of 15 + inches of snow, with another foot plus likely to fall today, the kids are ready to go and play. They want to go and have a snowball fight and run and dive in it and that is all good. But let’s be honest, I’m tired. I shoveled last night and I have to go out and shovel again. Oh and my wife is at work, so it is just me. Me and the boys for probably 3 days in the house is going to be my best guess and they are already stir crazy. I’m going to be heading out for another shoveling run in a few minutes while the kids watch Star Wars.

I know how exciting it is for the boys to see snow, especially this amount of snow. I remember as a kid how excited that I would be at just the thought of seeing snow. But as a parent, I really don’t enjoy it as much. I have to make sure that we have enough food, water and drinks for them, beer & wine for me, stuff to grill (yes, we will grill in the snow on Sunday, as it is a tradition that we grill on Sundays) and that I have to keep the snow shoveled. I love the reactions of my kids faces, running from window to window and how excited that they get, but for me, I think that my excitement will come when my wife gets home and I can take a deep breathe of relief. And when we have our snowball fight later today and I teach them how to make the perfect snow ball.

So everyone out there that is reading this that is effected by the snow, please be safe. Check on friends and family and take care of pets, if you have a grill/smoker, check on that too. And to my sons when you read this, I hope that you had a blast making your first snowman today and having your first snowball fight and if you beat me, I let you win, it is part of being a good Dad.

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When I got up this morning, every thing just seemed off. My head was hurting, my teeth were hurting, I just wasn’t myself. I knew what today was, how could I not? I knew the meaning of today and I dread it every year. How could I forget?

My phone started dinging around 6:30 a.m. with messages from Facebook and a few text messages trickled through. Rarely do we discuss it, we both know what the other is thinking. We try to act and feel like things are ok and normal, but they aren’t. Normalcy ended 7 years ago today.

Life as we knew it changed with one event, one moment, one second, one phone call, one accident.

7 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident and forever our lives were and have been changed. So today, 7 years later, I sit in quiet and reflect on the day and what has changed. I wonder quietly how things would be different if that accident had not happened. But it did.

Regrets, yeah I have a few. Not spending more time. She not seeing my sons. And the hurt and pain are still there, even after 7 years.

Tomorrow, life returns to the normalcy that we have embraced. Tomorrow is a new day and the memories fade just a little bit more. Tomorrow will be one day closer to 8 years.

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