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Disappointment is a HUGE part of life and sadly, it happens on a daily basis. And this week, has been a HUGE disappointment for me, both personally and professional. BUT, there is a way to look it, complain or move on.

Personally, I have had a really good friend that has been in the hospital for the past week and things don’t look good for him. He had an emergency surgery and has just struggled since coming out of surgery. The doctors are not sure what the problem(s) is/are, but are trying to do everything that they can for him. But this is going to be a long road of recovery for my friend. He is going to have a hard time, but I just hope that he gets that chance.

Professionally, I have been given more to do at work. Most would say awesome to that, but when I am basically doing the job of 4 people, I can only do but so much. And I finally broke down last night and said that I wasn’t liking who I was becoming and a large part of that is due to stress of work. I don’t like feeling like I am bringing work home. I do not like feeling like I need a break before playing with the kids.

Adding fuel to the fire, I am beginning to think that I was passed over for a job that was a dream job, though I have not been officially told. Yet another large part of disappointment for the week. This could have opened new opportunities for me. This could have been the career path that I was looking for. But, it might not happen and I’m frustrated, no, disappointed.I have really struggled this week, more so that I can every really remember to be honest and I think that that is ok. I think that it is ok to be disappointed when bad things happen to you, but it is how we handle them going forward determines our real long outcome. Jobs will come and go, it is just a fact. And yes, I really thought that this was it. This was going to be the one and my next career path. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be? Maybe it wasn’t where I was supposed to be long term, but for today, I am disappointed and that is ok.

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I feel like time is moving at warp speed and I’m watching the boys growing up in super fast mode. Last night, my my wife went out of town for a girls weekend and the boys asked to goto Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. Cool, I love that place, so why not? But, I realized something, they were able to order their own food, they were able to ask when they needed refills, they were growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I love that they have become independent, but yet ask questions. Over the past several weeks, I’ve really noticed a big change in them. They are doing more chores around the house, taking interest in new things, etc. And somewhere, my babies, are becoming big boys.

New dads, enjoy these moments when you can hold your child in your arms, because there will come a day that you can’t do that anymore. There will be a day, that they will be taller than you. And each of these stages in life are important and also hard too. Take the time now, mold your child and teach them all of the important life lessons now, because as they grow up, you might not have the chance.

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Changes, they might be in the future for us. I was recently and by recently, I mean less than 2 weeks about a job, literally 30 miles from where I grew up. This wasn’t on our radar for a possible move, but changes, they might be a coming.

This could be a huge career move for me personally and a great move for our family, but at the same time, it could present a few struggles too. Those changes would be a short term thing, i.e. I would have to move for 4 – 5 weeks and then my family would join me, but it could a short term sacrifice for a really good long term gain.

Changes can be both good and bad and after flying back home last night after a 23 hour round trip there and back. I was beyond exhausted when I landed and drove 45 miles from the airport back home, but I was fortunate to be able to put the boys to bed and it was exactly what I needed. I needed to be able to hug and kiss my boys, because in a few weeks, I might be flipping their worlds upside down.

 

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How often do you walk around saying that today is a good day? Probably not often, if you are really honest with yourself. But, I heard someone say it this past week at work and it totally changed my day.

This past Wednesday was a BAD day and it started before leaving the house. My wife asked me a question that frustrated me and it was not as much the question as it was the timing of the question, as I was trying to walk out the door. My commute, though is only 50 miles and on most days, takes over an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes, took closer to two hours. I walked straight into my first meeting and was in meetings the rest of the entire day. ALL DAY!

As with anyone in a management role, especially in the IT world, they know that there are personal issues and technology issues all the time. And this was one of those days, that while in meetings, I had multiple texts about outages, a down server, etc. And I had a personal matter that was pulling me out of the meeting as well. And, if that wasn’t enough, my wife called in tears because of something going on.

As I wrapped up my day and ended my last meeting, I was beat down and frustrated. I loaded up my bag and was getting ready to head to my Jeep and looked at the map for traffic, and it was going to be another hour and a half commute home. I was beat and I was done for the day. I just wanted to get home, hug the kids and rest for a little bit.

And as I was walking through the hall of the hospital on the way to me jeep, I was on my phone texting with a friend and not really paying attention and then I heard children laughing. And then I looked up and saw a father pulling a wagon with 2 kids on the side of the wagon holding hands with a little girl who was sitting up and enjoying her ride. And I noticed that the mom was pulling the child’s IV pole and wiping away tears, but it was in that moment, the father turned and looked at his wife and said “Today is a good day!”

WOW! I literally stopped in the hallway and was completely speechless. Here is a dad, pulling his sick daughter through the hallway of the hospital, who is obviously sick and all he could do was focus on the good and positive, because they probably have gone through a lot of really hard times too. In just a brief 10 second moment, I got to see that everything that I saw and went through that day, did not even come close to what this father was going through and dealing with.

What had been a hard and very frustrating day, I was able to see that even in the hardest days, the hardest moments and the hardest times, that today is a good day. I truly believe, that God was tapping me on the head and saying, pay attention, your life could be a lot harder. And for that, I am truly grateful.

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Unconditional Love can be defined as the following from dictionary.com

affection with no limits or conditions; complete love

And the older that I get, the more that I get to experience that type of love from my children and it just blows me away. Last night, I was tired. I had been up since 4 a.m. and had not slept well. I was exhausted and had been cooking, cleaning, watched a basketball game and by 9 p.m. I was asleep on the sofa.

And in one of my not so finer moments, one of the boys came trotting downstairs and I got upset. He should have been asleep over an hour and a half before. I was frustrated. I was tired. I was upset and most importantly, I was WRONG! I was wrong in my behavior and my actions, but something happened, after I put my son back to bed, even though I was hard on him, he asked me to hold his hand.

I never knew the love of a child and how no matter what, they will love you with a pure and innocent unconditional love. They will hold your hand and want to feel safe, but they will also show you, me, us as parents, that it is ok. Last night, I learned a very important lesson, that no matter what, my children will love me. They will be there when I need them, just as I am there when they need me. They will hug me or hold my hand when I have a bad day. But they will also teach me a lesson when I need on too.

It seems as though I am never truly shocked by what my kids do or what they will say. Sure, there are things that I wish that they would do differently and there are times that I have to get on them, as they need to know right from wrong. But, they too are teaching me that when I do something wrong, they are right there to let me know that they are ok or that everything will be fine.

I am truly blessed. I am blessed with two amazing twin boys that I love to the moon and back. I am blessed to have a wonderful wife, that when I need a swift kick in the butt to get me refocused on being a better parent, she is more than willing to kick me. But I am blessed to have two sons, that love me no matter what and they show me what unconditional love, truly is.

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Well, it is the day after my vasectomy and man, that was nothing. 15 minutes in and out.

For months, ok, I started a week after we had the boys and now almost 6 years later, it finally happened. This wasn’t something that we took lightly and discussed numerous times and at the end of the day, it was the right decision. And after talking with a few friends, I felt like I had a good handle on the procedure and the recovery.

Granted, I have a pretty high toleration for pain, but I really was surprised that I didn’t have really any pain. There was a few moments of discomfort, but that only lasted about 20 seconds total. All in all, it was a great day in the recliner, but even though there was no pain or really any issues, I am still taking it easy for the next few days, Doctors orders and honestly, I need to rest.

I’ve gotten to do a little reading, planned out some new recipes to try for the boys, found a tent for us to get and do a little camping this summer. All good things, all good things.

So, the day after has gone like this, no pain, a little swelling, the dog is in my lap, the boys are playing and I’m sipping on coffee. If you guys are thinking about doing a vasectomy, talk with your Doctor, talk with friends that have done it, but from my stand point, as I am starting the day after, I’m really happy that I did it, for many reasons.

Now back to the sofa.

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The date is finally coming up and no, I’m not referring to the ACC Basketball Tournament. Though, I did schedule out my vasectomy with that in mind. There is only 1 time a year that I can imagine laying on the sofa all weekend and this is it.

I was asked by a few friends if I was scared or was having second thoughts and I just couldn’t imagine answering the question in any other way. No, I’m not scared and no I’m not having any second thoughts. The reality is very simple, it is safer, easier and cheaper if I have this surgery than my wife having anything done. And besides, she carried not 1 but 2 babies around for over 8 months, so this is the least that I can do.

But at the same time, I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not looking to a few days off my feet. Though I will do some light cooking on Saturday or Sunday, I’ll be limited. Not so much because of pain or discomfort from what I’m told, but more just not over doing it. And when I had my consult with the Doctor, who was awesome by the way. Great sense of humor is a key thing for me in a physician, but when you work with enough of them like I do, you understand why it is important. It sounds like the time from start to finish is 15 minutes and the pain is the same as a bee sting.

Oh, the best part, “homework”. That’s right, sex with my wife 15 – 20 times or 2 months, whichever comes first (no jokes here kids). What a great reason to have a lot of sex! And as I shared with one of my best friends, it is going to cost me more out of pocket to not have anymore kids than it did for them to be born. Obviously I’m excluding IUI, IVF, etc. and all the other stuff. I’m only simply talking hospital time.

So, I’m a few days out now from having the procedure and in a sad and twisted way, I’m looking forward to it. More to come.

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This past week, my wife asked what I thought about us getting a puppy for the boys  and I froze. She tried to explain her thinking that it would give them a chance to learn some responsibility and help with Boy B staying calm. All I could think was that I was going to be adding to my responsibility at the house. And I wasn’t even factoring in additional costs for Dog food, toys, Vet visits, etc.

After conversations between my wife and I, we decided to take the boys to meet her. So we sat the boys and talked with them about the puppy and that we were thinking about getting her. We showed them photos and even talked about what responsibilities they each would have with her. And as soon as they asked if we were getting a dog, I just new even without seeing her, we were getting a dog.

So that night as I put the boys to bed, Boy A asked if he could walk her everyday and Boy B wanted to read to her. Immediately, they started to get that they were going to have to take on things in order to get the puppy and they were excited! Really EXCITED! And all I could think about was, when I was a kid and having my first puppy and then I was sold. And it was at that moment, we basically became the All-American family with 2 kids, a house with a fence and now a puppy.

Fast forward a week to yesterday afternoon and the boys got to meet their puppy for the very first time and it was love at first sight. She is a 3, soon to be a 4 year old Yorkie and is great with the boys. Boy A has already taken her on 2 walks, with assistance of either my wife or myself. And Boy B had her in his lap last night reading “Whose Foot Prints?” to her and she just laid there and both were calm and peaceful.  There are some training things that I started this morning with her, but so far, so good. The transition to a new home and for us to adjust to her has gone really well.

 

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The word grateful can mean different things to different people and can be viewed in many ways.

warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful: dictionary.com

The key phrase here for me is benefits received because usually with being grateful, it goes with someone or something. For me, today I am grateful for second chances. I’m grateful in knowing that even though I’ve made mistakes in my life, things could be a lot worse.

I’m also grateful for friends and family too. I’m grateful for my son’s who love me unconditionally, as I am not perfect, but try my best to do what is best and right by them.

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I’ve listened to Jim Brickman several times today and one of the songs that I come back to is Valentine.  This is one of the many lines that just rings true to me in this moment.

if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart
until the end of time
you’re all I need, my love, my valentine

My wife and I have just come off a great weekend in the mountains and we had 2 options:

  1. go back to status quo.
    or
  2. fix the things that are broken.

We are and have tried to fix things that are broken or at least adjust things so that they are at lceast stabel.  And my wife just tested me and I smiled as sure. how long is she here to cure on the newer magazine.

 

 

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