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Life lessons for my sons when it comes to car buying and honestly when the boys are older all of these car buying lessons could be mute.

  1. Do your research. If time permits, read as much as you can about the car that you want and the safety features.
  2. Take your time. Again, if time permits, you don’t have to have to purchase a car as soon as you walk on the lot. As a matter of fact, I would argue that you do the majority of the negotiations prior to going for a test drive.
  3. Salesmen will say anything to get you into the car. End of the month sales. First of the month sales. Have to make the deal now. It is all crap. Salesmen will make the deal if they are good and want to close a deal.
  4. Trust your gut feeling. When it comes to negotiating, be fair in your ask, but trust your gut feeling too.
  5. Walk away. ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS be prepared to walk away.

This past week, I spent I don’t know how much time negotiating a new vehicle for my wife. It had roughly two weeks since her accident and she was getting antsy to find a replacement. So, she gave me her criteria of must have features and the make and models that she wanted and off I went. I did a few TrueCar searches, both through TrueCar.com and also through USAA Buying Services and I just could not find exactly what I wanted at first. I have always heard about buying brand new cars, so I really wanted to find a low mileage used SUV.

I did my research, as quickly as I could and found 2 options that were both affordable, low mileage and the exact features that my wife wanted. We tested drove both vehicles and liked the both, were not 100% in love with either, but they would have worked, but because we were in a rental, I didn’t exactly know how much time we had with it.

So this past Wednesday, I started negotiating for a 2017 Kia Sorento LX with 9 miles on it. The price, I felt was a little high, but was whiling to trade that because of the mileage, but I was ready to make the deal but the dealer would not negotiate. My Plan B had only 6,000 miles and was $1,500 less than the brand new car and they too were not negotiating either. I was ready to walk away.

Thursday night, I felt defeated. My wife was upset because she didn’t get the SUV that she wanted and she was really frustrated with me. Not mad, but disappointed. But, I kept saying over and over again, that these were not the right ones. Something just didn’t feel right and I just kept thinking that the price was too high.

I walked away from the first deal because of a gut feeling and I am so glad that I did. The salesman tried to do what he could and we were literally $350 apart and they didn’t want to come down in price and I was already above what I really wanted to pay. And I’m really glad that I did walk away from it, because after not sleeping on Thursday night, as I got settled in on Friday morning I got an email from another deal with the exact same model we wanted, more safety features than the other two, the color that we wanted and best of all, the exact price that I wanted. Literally. It was exactly where I thought the SUV should be priced and my wife was happy.

I emailed the salesman that reached out to me a few questions, confirmed that it only had 6, that is right, 6 miles on it and the features and I was sold. I knew how the SUV drove and rode and with the other factors, this was going to be one of the easiest sales this guy had to make. And it was. We drove it for 4 miles and closed the deal. No negotiations were needed, as they got to where I wanted in 1 single email.

So, guys here is the moral of the story, trust your gut. There are other cars, it just sometimes takes a little while.

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I do not admit very often that I cried, but today I did and do. Today, I feel that I just told my grandfather goodbye and that I loved him for the last time.

My grandfather, who is 91, has been really struggled for the last few months, since the heart attack that he had back in May. And let’s just say I think that he would had rather gone out of this world than endure what he has since, as being confined to a chair isn’t how he wanted to live.

He is a proud man, who served this country at the age of 22 and went off to Germany to fight in WWII. When he and his brother returned from the war, they purchased a farm in North Carolina and for 40 years plus, that was what put food on the table and provided a livelihood for the family.

He didn’t live a life with the nicest things, but what he had he treasured and talking with people, that is what treasured the most. My grandfather and I had a standing weekly Saturday call at 1pm and it didn’t matter where I was in the world, we had that call. He would tell me about farming or how my grandmother was doing and I would describe what I was looking at if I was traveling.

You see, my grandfather really didn’t travel. In fact, his first and only flight, was to come and see my sons and myself a year ago. I had just always assumed that he flew to Germany for the war, but in fact, he took a boat ride from a port, which ironically enough, was not far from where I live today. But while my grandfather was here for that trip a year ago, we talked about his flight and how he flirted with the flight attendants and it was at that point, he made 2 really important observations about flying:

  1. That he had spent his entire life on the farm looking up at the bottoms of the clouds, but never could imagine the view that he got to see while looking down at the tops of them.
  2. At some point during the flight, he looked at my father, his son and smiled and said “I’m halfway to heaven and I’m that much closer to seeing your mom again.”

Wow! I have flown hundreds of times and not once, not once did I every have that insight. Not once did I think about where I grew up in North Carolina and standing on a baseball field and looking up at the clouds and think about one day spending who knows how many hours flying above the clouds?

And as for the part about my grandmother, you see she had Alzheimer’s for 12 years and my grandfather made the decision to be her primary care giver while she was at home. I will never know all that he did for her and how much abuse he took as the last few years, she became combative, but what I do know, is that he loved that woman and still does to this day and is a wonderful example of how a marriage should work.

My grandparents meet in grade school and got married right after high school and shortly after getting married he left for the war. They had 3 children, 1 being my father, were married for 64 years and through good times and towards the end, it was pretty bad, the lived and loved and worked together. They went to a little white church and that was an important life lesson that not only where the kids taught about, but the grandparents too. To this day, if I walked into their 10 pew church, I could point out exactly where we sat.

I learned a lot from my grandfather, who to drive a truck and a tractor, how to fish, how to laugh and probably one thing that I’ll never forget, is how to treat others. In Eastern North Carolina, I promise you, the number of people that my grandfather the majority were not white. Honestly, the only white people working were my family.

So today, I just had this tugging at my heart and as I sat on the sofa alone and my sons were upstairs playing, I picked up the phone and gave him a call. We didn’t talk very long, maybe 10 minutes as the Congestive Heart Failure and fluid build up is causing him to cough a lot when he talks. But as we talked and I could tell he needed a break he said the following too me “son, I want you to always be there for your family. Teach your sons the important things in life, like going to church, to always love one another and to always laugh.” And as he finished, we both were crying uncontrollably, we just said I love you.

After hanging up, I just sat in tears on the sofa and I cried. I cried for the loss of a great man, that I know the time is near. I cried for joy, in knowing that he will see my grandmother again and probably very soon. I cried, because a man who gave his all for this country, our family and gave unconditional love, will be greatly missed. He showed me the important things in life and shared may stories with me that I will be able to share with my sons when they ask about him. And even though they are old enough now to know him, because we live 6 hours away, they only get to see him 2 times a year.

So tonight as I reflect on the call and the calls that my grandfather and I have had, I am honored to have known and to have loved such an amazing guy. He taught me so much and he will be so greatly missed. Now, I just wait for the call from my dad, which I am sure going to be soon….

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Not sure what is going on with Boy B, but in the last week, there has been major regression in his behavior? Nothing has really changed, but something is going on.

I’ve noticed that once again, little things are setting him off. He is constantly talking about how anxious he is and how frustrated he is getting. I have analyzed his schedule and the surrounding factors and nothing makes sense. The only variable, was that my wife was gone for 6 days and that is the only change in his schedule.

His eating and sleeping has been on schedule, day care, etc have to. But this week has been rough. He has been out of sorts and has been hard to deal with at day care. These are the moments of frustration for me as a parent. These are the times that I try analyze the thought process of a child and their thinking. And the reality is, there is no logic.

As a parent, especially those of us with children that have issues or whatever label you chose to place on them, it is hard. I feel that I have to always adapt and that I have to always analyze his moods and behaviors.  I really feel that we started to turn the corner and getting things on track. But he has really had a major step back with this regression with his behavior.

Prior to my son starting OT and seeing a child psychologist, he would scream and yell and jump up and down when he did not get his way. He would loose control in a second. As we started working on certain things, specifically fine motor skills in OT and he was on a routine with the child psychologist, things got better. We say immediate results and transformations.

So, when things get off course like this past week, it really makes it hard and then you add on top of that, my wife was in a serious car accident this week as well.  Life has been hard and parenting is hard work too and sometimes it just doesn’t all make sense.  But I really hope that we can get to the bottom of this regression and turn it around because with everything else going on, I really hope to get it together.

 

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Perspective is the word of the day. And let me frame it up in a different way, often times we look at things in one way, but in reality, when we step back, we have a different point of view or way that we look at something. Perspective!

Yesterday before walking into a meeting, my wife called to let me know that she was heading to pickup the kids and just left the office. Maybe, 15-20 minutes later, my phone rang, I just had a feeling that this was not going to be good. I knew that it was rainy. I knew that the road that she was traveling on is congested. I just had a bad feeling and I was right.

So as I hurried out of the office and on the way to where my wife was on the side of the road, because she had been rear ended, every possible thought that I could have had, I did. I knew that she was ok and not hurt, I knew that she was upset and I knew that her van was more than likely totaled. But here comes that moment of perspective, cars can be replaced, people can not. Our boys were not with her, they would have been hurt and possibly pretty badly.

After dealing with some emotional components to this, i.e. my wife’s mother was killed exactly 50 miles north of where we stood on the side of the road. Looking at what was the back windshield and seeing all of the glass shattered throughout the back. Seeing how the front of the van was pushed in, because the force of the impact of where my wife was rear ended and then being pushed about 2 car links into the car in front of her and the damage that was done.

Waiting for my wife to be checked out last night for either a concussion or whiplash. Seeing how she was moving slowly and already getting sore and tense. Making the call to USAA last night to start the claims process. Waking up to a 7:30 call from the car rental, asking what time we would arrive. Realizing this morning, that we had paid about 6 months off of the car loan and that we were at about a year and 8 months before it being paid off and then I was going to get something new and then realizing, I wasn’t.

Perspective is when thinking logically through each and every one of those things and knowing that the days/weeks and maybe month ahead will be stressful. Knowing that we now have to buy a new car and that really wasn’t in the budget, at all. Life doesn’t always work the way that we have planned. But, it could have been a lot worse. Perspective. Perspective sometimes takes a little while, maybe even days before it is realized, but I am just thankful and grateful.

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As a parent, we deal with a constant change. What happens happen today, might completely change tomorrow.  This is all part of life, right? Of course, but when there are other factors involved, it does make it a little more challenging.

I feel lately that we have been in a state of constant change with Boy B. One minute, things are great, the next he is beating up his brother. Granted, having had a younger sister, I get the fighting thing, but only to a point. And my wife, who is an only child, doesn’t get it.

I have seen so much growth in my son that it is beyond amazing. And yet, when the outbursts happen or he hits his brother, it feels that we took a few steps back. BUT and this is the most important thing, even though we have these issues, he is growing out of many that he had and the outbursts are decreasing.

So in a state of constant change, it is good to see a lot of growth. And with it being the summer and less structure, that has not helped with some of the behaviors that we have seen as well.

 

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Fathers Day has come and gone, but I will never get over the feeling of excitement when I wake up that morning.  I don’t get overly excited about gifts, I have never, but I do love waking up and the boys running and hugging me and wishing me a Happy Fathers Day!

I had several friends that had their first Father’s Day this year and all they could say was that they couldn’t put into words how the feeling was to experience their first Father’s Day.

 

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The struggle is real or at least, it has been the last few weeks. We have come to the final home stretch of Kindergarten and by all accounts, the boys have exceeded their first year’s grade level expectations by a lot. And, we all survived, which is also important!

I have noticed though that in the last few weeks, Boy B has struggled with a few classes and some of the changes in his schedule. I remember a long time ago, when I was in school, the last few weeks bothered me because of the lack of structure. So the struggle is real with him and the lack of structure of the day and it has reflected in his daily behavior sheets at school.

Speaking of no structure, today was Field Day for the boys and as I made my way onto the campus at school, I stopped for a moment to watch at how far my sons have come in the last year. And the struggle is real for me, as much as it is for them. You see, we all have grown, we all have changed, but we made it. We worked through the changes together and had a lot of talks, but we made it through their Kindergarten year.

So Dad’s, as you embrace your child’s 1st real formal school year, the struggle is real, but you will make it. You will be ok and your children will be ok too. Be there for them. Help them when they have struggles, but let them make mistakes. The struggle is real.

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As most parents have struggled with picky eaters from time to time, I feel like for the first time that my boys are finally coming around to trying new things! Granted, I’m not giving them a lot of choices, as I’ve explained that they don’t have to eat it all, but they have to at least try everything that we make on the weekends.

And the funny thing, is that they are starting to really open and broaden their food palates. And yes, I’m talking about 6 year old children having a broad food palate, but I want to do the opposite of what my parents did for me. Did they expose me to foods, yes, but they also didn’t have me try new things either. My mom, who I love dearly, would just make me a  burger if I didn’t want to try something.

Growing up in a rural area my parents were not exposed to certain types of foods and neither were their parents, my grandparents. Doesn’t make it wrong, it is just a reality. But when I was old enough and went out on my own, I tried  new things. I feel in LOVE with Tex Mex when I lived in Houston, Texas for 7 years. Breakfast Burritos are life changing kids. My point is, it took getting away from my environment and comfort zone and forcing myself to try new things.

As a parent, I have encouraged the boys not to be picky eaters and to at least try new foods. In doing so, they have realized that they too like things that test their palates. This weekend, they will be trying a skirt steak and shrimp with a chimichurri sauce. And yes, for dessert, there will be creme brulee. How many 6 year olds BEG for creme brulee?  How many 6 year olds try chimichurri sauce? Probably not many, heck, I think that I had my mom try it for the first time her last visit to see the boys.

As parents, it is our job to provide an outlet or at least an experience to try new foods. And hopefully, if you too can get your kids to try new foods and to be less picky eaters, you can expand their food palates too.

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Where does the time go? I literally just had my son yell down form the bathtub that he had washed himself and his hair at bath time.  It seems like a few days ago, he was calling me to bath him.

My mom and I were talking this morning about when I was my son’s age and things that I went through and did and my mom paused and asked “where does the time go? I remember like it was yesterday you were doing the same thing that your sons are doing.”

Time, it is an important thing and something that we can’t get back and we aren’t promised tomorrow. So enjoy the time that we have today, with our family and our loved ones.

Growing up, my dad didn’t spend a lot of time with me or at least if he did, I really don’t remember it. And that isn’t a knock against him. He was doing what he thought was right for our family. But those things came with a sacrifice. And as a child, I decided that I wouldn’t follow in my father’s footsteps and that I would do something different. So, I choose time. I choose to spend time with my children today, because I am not promised tomorrow.

So, a few weeks ago, we got an email from our teacher and without looking at my work schedule, I hit reply to the email with a quick response of “count me in.” And then I realized what I did. I committed to being a chaperone on my son’s field trip, without asking for time off from work, clearing my work calendar, etc. But, I was able to move my meetings to the next day or the following week, my boss is great and didn’t hesitate to say yes to my request off and tomorrow, I get to spend TIME with my son’s on their class field trip with school.

The lesson that I want my son’s to learn is very simple. I choose time with them over work, things that I wanted to do, etc. I chose time with them over basketball or baseball games. I chose them over everything, because they are the most important people that I want to spend my time with.

So, tomorrow, we goto the zoo, with a lot of little kids.

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There is nothing worse than when the kids are sick. Ok, in my case, it is just one kid, but it is still not fun, especially when they are throwing up.

Adults can understand or rationalize getting sick, because at some point in our lives, either due to a bug or self inducing (drinking) we have thrown up. But for kids, their experience with this isn’t as great and there is a level of fear there. What is wrong? Why am I throwing up? All great questions, just not one I am prepared to answer while their heads are in the toilet.

Getting sick is part of life, it happens. It is not a fun thing to deal with, but we all have to at some point. The one  frustrating thing this morning was that my son kept screaming before he threw up. Now, I can not imagine that it felt good to throw up or that it felt good to scream before doing so.

As adults, we can take care of ourselves, for the most part, but kids, it has to be a very scary feeling. As parents, we do have to remind ourselves that they are scared and need to be comforted and reassured. Watching your child when they are sick is hard, because you are limited in what you can do for them.

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