I had lunch with a close friend yesterday and we were talking about a financial decision that I was consider, that was both a short and long term plan.

But it was something that he said to me that hit me, “You don’t have a financial problem, it’s all about time!” And he was right. I had been struggling with a decision and even though I knew the answer, I couldn’t figure out why I was struggling with making a call to the bank?

The reality is that in looking at the odds of how long my wife will still be alive, it is 1 – 3 years, maybe 5 max. And what I’m looking at doing, will help us today, tomorrow and during the course of the next several years.

Last night after talking with my wife again about this decision, it became a no brainier. Everything has changed, is changing and will continue to change as it pertains to her health. And this, this just makes life a little easier for the next few years.

So as I watched the fire going in the fire pit and then glanced up to the sky as the cold breeze kept dropping the temperatures, my friend was right. It was never a financial decision, it’s all about time!

This past February, while sitting on the deck, my wife and I decided to plan a trip for the boys 11th birthday and when the question came up about money, I simply responded with “what is really important?” And that was the end of the discussion.

This past week, as we spent a few days in Cooperstown, NY at the Baseball Hall of Fame and then a few days in Goshen, NY at Lego Land, it hit me, this is what is important. And what is this, it is the need/desire to make as many life long memories as possible with and for my kids.

The reality is simple, life is short and we aren’t promised that tomorrow will come and there is an even shorter life expectancy for my wife, so I would rather make memories for the boys today, because that matters the most.

I’ve wrestled with the question of what is really important a lot lately. Is it more money? Is it more things? Or is it the quality of time that we get to spend with others? And that is where I’ve really netted out in this. For example, there isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I do not wish that I could not pick up the phone and call my grandfather. My parents are starting to both age more and really slow down. The reality is, I don’t have many years left with them.

And this past Saturday, after returning home from our trip, the boys and I went out for BBQ. The topics discussed were the normal of baseball to the stock market, then when I asked each what they enjoyed most, they just smiled and said making memories.

I hope that I am doing something right as a parent to get them to see this and more importantly, live it out long after I am gone.

1 year later and here we are, we made it through the firsts and the unknowns with my wife’s brain cancer! We have gone through 4 MRI brain scans, multiple doctor visits, etc. and here we are. We made it!

The reality is, we are living it everyday and trying to acknowledge and understand that at any moment, the other shoe could drop. The difference is that we are trying not to live our lives that way. We are trying to live our lives in the moment and not in fear.

I was asked by a close friend how do we handle it, especially with the unknown and I didn’t really have an answer. This is our life. We are trying to learn how to live in the moment more and not live with regret. We made it through the firsts now, but the reality is we live life each day as best we can, but know that we aren’t promised tomorrow.

This Christmas season has been a little different this year and honestly, I’m glad.

I really wanted to do something different this year, because it just seemed right. I felt that our lives have been in a state of influx for the last year. Between the multiple surgeries that my wife has had, to include a brain tumor, we are still living through the COVID-19 pandemic and just life.

My wife for years had been asking to have the house outlined in Christmas lights, nothing crazy, just white lights. So, I was able to surprise her and had a company come out take care of that.

Then as we discussed Christmas presents for the boys, I wanted to go all out. I wanted to out do last years gift giving, not only for our children but also for those in need. This year, we made it a point to go out and purchase gifts for Toys for Tots as well as other charities.

This Christmas has been filled with emotions of joy to an unknown. But as I remind my boys, try to find the good, in the hardest and worst situations.

The pandemic has been really hard, especially on kids and I am grateful that we have been able to provide a sense of normalcy to an uncertain time. My son’s were able to get their first COVID vaccine, the boys have been in school the entire year and both have been able to not only see friends and play sports, but also begin working out at a fitness gym on a regular basis.

My hope and prayer that for each of you reading this, that this Christmas season be one filed will joy and family.

This really seems like a no brainer, but the reality is this, life is not fair! It just is not fair and the sooner that we realize this, the better off that we will be.

That being said, the reality is the exact opposite. People often look at others and compare what they have or do not have to someone else. Like snowflakes, no two people or situations are alike. And I feel that I am having to say this a lot to my sons.

Recently, one of the boys was telling me all of the things that they perceived were wrong and here are a few and in no particular order:

• Covid-19 and how it has effected not being able to see friends.
• Their mother has cancer.
• Baseball and soccer were cut short last year.

And the list went on further, but you get the idea.

So I tried to validate their feelings, but then I challenged them to find the good in each one of those negatives, to find the positives.

It was then they realized that life is not fair, but they also discovered that even though they had some tough things going on, they also had some good things going on too.

We talked talked about the importance of trying to find the good, even when it seemed to be really hard, because there is always someone that is having a harder day or time than we are in this moment. I do not want to take away their feelings, in fact I want to encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, concerns and know that I take them seriously. But I do want them to realize that life is not fair, but we can CHOOSE to make the best of the life that we have been given.

We as a family are still navigating life with my wife’s brain cancer diagnosis, as we live our lives in 3 – 4 month increments and not knowing if there will be another seizure or when her tumor will return. We see friends and family taking trips, making plans for their future and we just do not know what our future looks like? None of us really do.

But today, we are grateful that we all woke up, that the sun was up and out and that we will make the most of we have today.

If you have never heard the song “Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin, please take a minute to watch this video, but today I realized that my oldest is just like me. It didn’t scare me, in fact, it made me both proud and also sad all at the same time.

Watching my son’s interact in the store today and seeing my oldest, by 90 seconds, help and guide and teach his younger brother, I realized that my oldest is taking on responsibilities that I wish that he didn’t have to at this age. Next week, my wife has her 9 month check up for her brain tumor to see if it has returned and we are beyond nervous.

There have been a lot of hard and scary discussions that have been had by our family. And my wife and I have decided to both be open and sometimes brutally honest with our kids, but at the same time, shield them from some truths. The fact is, she will die. The unknown, is how long will she live?

And after my realization this morning, I took my son for a walk. I shared with him how much I see of myself in him and I give him a chance to just talk. Talk about what he is feeling. Talk about the pressures of playing travel baseball and not wanting to let myself or his coach down. Ouch! I felt the same way. But I needed him to say it.

We talked about his mom’s scan next week and he talked about how scared he was. He talked about not wanting to grow up without a mom. And I shared how my parents argued a lot and I did not want to grow up without a parent living in the house. Not the same, but a relatable moment of feeling scared. And more importantly, I shared for the first time, some of the struggles and feelings that I felt and had to go through when I was his age.

And as we finished up our one mile walk, I put my arm around him and told him how proud I was of him. I think that we both held back the tears at that moment. But the reality is, I am proud of him.

He is living through for almost 2 years, a global pandemic. He is back in school and wearing a mask. Playing against kids older and bigger and faster than he is and starting and playing well. Trying to help his brother, who sometimes struggles and yet he takes on the role of his protector. Oh right, he has a mom with a Grade 3 brain tumor with not many years to live.

Wait, my son is facing more than I did when I was his age.

My son is my hero.

That doesn’t mean that I’m not proud of my other son, I am. He has faced head on ADHD and has tried his best to work through his challenges. But this is not a comparison. This is just facts.

After our walk, I remembered this song and the line “my boy is just like me.” And he is. But, the outcome of our story will be different. The relationship that I have with my sons, is unbreakable. We are best friends. We can not wait to tell the other, about our day.

I strive every day, to be a better father/man/husband/brother, etc so that my boys will one day, be just like me.

I have shared with my kids so many times, the phrase life is not fair. It isn’t. Sometimes, crap just happens.

The last 16 months have been incredibly difficult with COVID, school being shut down, loss of family, etc. and the reality is, life is just not fair some days.

As I have told the kids many times, life is what we choose to make of it.