I have been bothered lately by anxiety. Let me rephrase that, for the first time in my life, I am understanding that I struggle with anxiety and I’m trying to get help for it.

Anxiety is an emotion caused by a belief in potential loss

Reading that 1 simple line at church hit me like a ton of bricks!   For years, I have struggled with letting things get to me, but not knowing how to process or effectively deal with the issues. I would internalize things to the point, that I would blow up and be completely stressed out.

Buy why? What was causing all of this? Honestly, I still don’t know for sure? I do know that I’m trying to figure out why I am unable to relax. Unable to deal with certain things.

Anxiety for some, is much worse that what I deal with. But, it is very real for me. I have had several people in the last several months comment that I was working my way to a heart attack. That scared the hell out of me. Friends and co-workers, people that I spend a lot of time with, were seeing what I could not. They recognized a change in me that was not good. They saw how tired I looked, which then I would have to talk about not sleeping.

Oh right, part of my anxiety is that I’m not sleeping either. If I get 2-3 hours a night, I’m doing good. But in rereading that line from church, the part that hit me was the part about the belief in a potential loss.

So what am I afraid of losing? Friends? Family? Relationships? Not sure? But something is causing me to be anxious a lot more than I should.

I have recognized that after seeing the movie I Can Only Imagine, that I have realized things from my childhood that I did not deal with. Whether on purpose or not, I didn’t. So, maybe that could be it?

Regardless of what it is, I am for the first time trying to figure out a healthy solution, to deal with this problem.