August 2019

Today, marks my son’s ADHD testing – round 2. I can’t believe that it is time for him to be retested. It seems like yesterday, I was sitting in the lobby of the Psychologist’s office, anxiously waiting to send him back for his first day.

Today, was a completely feeling. Today, as I went to the Psychologist’s office, we talked about the last time he took the test. We talked about ADHD in general. We talked about the importance of him being retested.

My level of anxiousness was minimal, as was my son’s. And I’m glad. I think that I needed his sense of assurance, as much as he needed mine.

We have been talking a lot about ADHD, the importance of controlling ourselves, as best as he can. We talked about things that he can do, like yoga and meditation, things that we have both been doing more of this summer as way to stay focused and in control.

Today’s testing is really more for his 504 plan with school this year, if nothing else. His hyperactivity is still there, that is very obvious. But he needs to have this test to ensure that he is still diagnosed with ADHD and then we can allow for him to have accommodations at school this year.

So as I sit in Starbucks, drinking yet another cup of coffee this morning, my mind wonders. What is my son doing now? What testing are they doing? How focused is he? Is he going to present signs of autism this time? Not that it matters, but the Psychologist brought it up, so my mind goes there this morning.

I find myself looking around the room at Starbucks. There are kids running around. There are couples talking. There are a group of what appears to be high school students that are doing a bible study. Everyone is smiling, but what is not being said or emotion being shown?

We all struggle. We all have stuff (use another adjective) that we deal with, but sometimes we put on a smile and move forward. What we deal with my son is minor in comparison to most. Is it a lot to us, some days, but we try to keep in perspective life. The importance of today and being grateful for what we have, today.

So in 1 hour, I’ll pickup my son, with a snack in hand and day 1 of his ADHD testing will be done.

Read more

One of the worse feelings of my entire life, was when the medicine that we gave my son for his ADHD did not work. Helpless. Scared. Numb. All feelings that I went through in a very short amount of time.

We made a change to one of the medications that my son was taking and he had a severe reaction. Insomnia. Agitation. Irritation. You name it, he had it.

So what do you do when the medicine did not work? I stopped it. I refused to see my son suffer one more day with it. I did what I thought was best.

We have changed his medications again and this time, it seems to be working a little better thus far. But, we are waiting to see over the course of the next several weeks, if he has the right dosage for school, which starts in a few weeks.

Read more

Sometimes, we find ourselves needing a do over or in this case, taking a “Take 2”.

Back in January, so 8 months ago, I took time off from drinking. I felt that I needed to reset myself. I needed to take a break. I wanted to see what it was like, not drinking for the month.

Could I do it? Would it be hard? These were all things that I asked myself, before doing it and during the month. But what I realized, was that it was not bad at all. That even included going out with my wife, when she would have a glass of wine with dinner. And it was ok.

So, it is time to do a “Take 2”.

The last few months have been a struggle for me. And when I mean struggle, I mean, I have not dealt with things very well, work, family, etc. and I turned to beer or wine as a way to escape.

This past week, I realized, enough was enough. I needed another break, but this time, longer than a month. I needed to figure out, why am I drinking to escape these things, instead of dealing with them either A) in a healthier way or B) just dealing with them period.

Work has about killed me. Literally and figuratively speaking. My wife’s schedule has about killed me. Literally and figuratively speaking. We have changed my son’s ADHD medication and well, you get the idea.

But, enough is enough.

I don’t like who I am when I drink. And the last few months, I didn’t stop with the normal 1 or 2. And there is the problem. Before, I could stop, no problem. I could realize where I was with it and control it, this time, I haven’t done that very well.

I have struggled to figure out the balance and I need to be the best father and husband that I can and continuing down this path, was not going to be doing that. I couldn’t be who my family needs me to be, if I’m drinking or at at least, how I was doing it.

So, I’ve started up with trying to identify the triggers in how I am feeling and ready to take this on straight ahead, again. I’ve done it once, I can do this again. But this time, it is different. I feel different. I feel excited, not like dreading it when I did it in January. Sure, I’ve got to share with people that I’m not drinking, when they offer me a beer and that is ok.

Part of this, is being ok with me and right now, I’m happy with the decision that I have made. I’m embarrassed at some of my behavior, but that is something that i have to live with. But, I’m pleased with knowing that the first day, was not bad at all. And let’s be honest, there are more benefits to this than negatives.

  1. Better sleep.
  2. No regrets the next morning.
  3. Showing my kids, that it is ok to mess up, but learning from those mistakes.
  4. Facing issues and tackling them now, before they are truly an issue.
  5. Being who I need to be for my family.

I’m not perfect. Far from it. But on this “Take 2”, I’m looking forward to the positive benefits and this change. I’ll post an update in a few weeks as to how this is going and, the boys preparing for school.

Read more