February 2016

For whatever reason, the last few weeks have been a little bit of a challenge with the boys behavior and thus, we’ve had to look at different forms of punishment for them. And I really believe that outside of seeing your child hurting, punishing them is one of the hardest jobs for parents.

Ever since we had to move the boys to the daycare center, both boys have started to act out more. More talking back. More pushing. More acting out when they don’t get their way. Sure, these are all normal actions with growing up and testing boundaries, but that doesn’t mean that as parents, we can’t address and correct these behaviors before they turn into bigger problems.

Some of the punishment thus far that has been handed out is:

  • No TV
  • No tablets
  • Exercising and trying to burn off some energy
  • Writing an apology (this also works on their writing skills too)
  • Taking toys away and that seems to have had the biggest response thus far.

I have noticed that taking things away from the boys, as opposed to just spanking them, seems to be working well. I have always wanted to try and stir clear of spanking whenever possible, as I think that it sends a mixed message, because spanking and hitting are one in the same.

Misbehavior is something that has to be addressed quickly or it will get out of hand. I know that a lot of our kids acting out is directly related to behavior that they are learning from other kids at daycare and also some of the tv shows that they have recently seen. That being said, TV is something that I can and do control. Behavior of other kids at daycare becomes a little tricky. Regardless though, the earlier that we can identify and address these things, the better and often times, punishment is the easiest form to correct these things.

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In life, friends will come and go. Many will be there for the good times and few will be there for the bad, but a true friend, is worth more than anything.

Yesterday, we packed up and drove for an hour to meet up with one of my best friends, who happens to also be my old roommate from Texas. We go back almost 20 years now and even though we only see each other 2 – 3 times a year, it is just like yesterday that we were together and having a beer and talking about life, our plans and our dreams. And yesterday was no different, except now, my boys run and jump in his arms when they see him and give him hugs and tell him about what is going on at school. And we talked yesterday at lunch for 3 hours, the boys were awesome and they let us just talk and my friend, we laughed and told jokes, caught up on life and somethings going on in our lives and just enjoyed our time together.

Our time, is never long enough. But, one thing that I’ve remember from when I was a little older than my sons, is that my Uncle Kenny (not really my uncle, but my Dad’s best friend), that you’ll only have 5 or fewer really close friends, those that will be there for you no matter what. My Uncle Kenny was a smart man, because he is right. My best friend, who my boys call their Uncle too, knows things about me and my life, that no one else knows. There is no judgement, there is just an understanding that no matter what, we will always be there for the other. The night that I called him and told him that my mother in law was killed, he was on his computer trying to book a flight. A few weeks ago, he called and was having a rough time and I was on my computer looking for a flight.

Friends that will be there for you through your lowest moment are your friends that will be there to drink a beer with you in our your highest moments. But as my wife said to me yesterday after lunch, you would have thought that my best friend and I had just seen each other the week before, because we just fall right into place with our conversations and laughing and joking around.

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Losing sucks, there is just no nice way to say it! Last night, UNC lost to dook and it SUCKED! I’m still mad. I’m mad this morning, not that UNC lost, but how they lost. They didn’t play hard. They didn’t play as a team. They weren’t focused on the end goal of winning.

I remember growing up and playing sports, we lost games because guys didn’t hustle. Last night, UNC didn’t hustle and that is what makes losing sucks the most. And at the end of the game, after I had used more bad language than one adult should use, my wife looked at me and said “it is just a game.”

How sweet, she thinks that it is just a game.. No, UNC basketball is a way of life. And when it is the UNC vs. dook game, it is about bragging rights. It is about that stretch between 15-501 that separates these two schools and at the end of the day, losing to the dookies sucks. My Godfather and I have had text messages all night and day. My brother who is in LA and I have been exchanging text messages, I can’t even log onto Facebook today, because all the dookies have photos and it just fuels my anger even more.

Sure, it is just a game, but losing sucks, especially when the outcome could have been different.  So on the way into work this morning, I thought about Dean Smith and the games that he coached against Krashitski and then this quote popped into my head and it rings true today, both for the game and in life.

“What to do with a mistake: recognize it, admit it, learn from it, forget it.” – Dean Smith

So, how will UNC learn from the game, because it is in the past and nothing can change the outcome? What will my kids do to learn from their mistakes when they play sports? Recognize the mistake, admit it (Coach Williams has partially done that today), learn from it (he isn’t going to call time outs, so scratch that one) and forget it, and unfortunately, if you ever play sports, you don’t forget it.

Losing sucks and it is hard to get past it sometimes. Today is a new day. Today is a new opportunity. Yesterday is gone and in the past. Learn from the past and make today and tomorrow better.

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8 Miles separates two universities. 8 miles separates a rivalry that is known throughout the United States, but in North Carolina, that rivalry of 8 miles, can dived families and friends. But tonight, two universities meet, #5 UNC vs #20 dook.

Growing up in North Carolina, this was the game that we all waited for. The UNC vs dook game was in fact, the bucket list game for all sports fans. And this past weekend, my family and I went down to Chapel Hill for a game and the excitement was already started to brew among the fans. When the game this past Sunday was out of reach, the topic turned to tonight’s game. Even at the restaurant and walking through campus, fans were talking about the game and how much it means to them. And as fans, we all have memorable games. Danny Green’s drunk. Tyler Hansbourgh. Michael Jordan. James Worthy. Antwan Jameson. Watching Dean Smith walk the sideline. And the list goes on and on and on.

But this game, isn’t just a game. It isn’t just a rivalry between two schools that are only 8 miles apart, it is bigger than that. It is college basketball in the state of North Carolina. It is a game(s) that allow for bragging rights for the year. It is what dreams are made of and highlights on ESPN. For me, it isn’t just another game, it is THE game to watch and as my sons get older and they understand my love for UNC Basketball, they too will love this game as much as I do. They will get to stay up on school nights, as I did, for this game. They will learn the players, the moves, the logic of plays and the history of the rivalry.

Tonight, is more than just a game. It is, college basketball at it’s finest in the great state of North Carolina. And it just so happens, that an 8 mile stretch of 15-501 separate the two campuses.

 

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Secretly, I’m going to miss the day and it is going to happen a lot faster than I want to admit, when the boys no longer want to rock at night.  And that is going to be a really sad day for me.

Most nights, I would probably say, 5 out of 7, I put the boys down by myself. I get them ready for bed, read, and then we sing a song or two and then put them down. Depending on how tired they are, Boy A will want to rock, which means that if Boy B hasn’t fallen asleep within 5 minutes of his head hitting the pillow, that he too will want to rock. Tonight, was no different.  And as I was rocking Boy A, it hit me, he is getting bigger and will not want to do this much longer.

Secretly, I’m really going to miss this. This is our time to talk (whisper), sing (I’m an awful singer), and just share our thoughts for the day and be together. This is our time and no one can take that away from us. It is the time that we formed a strong bond and a solid trust. I shared stories of my childhood, some at least, we made up stories before bed, we talked about plans for the next day. All of these things, I will dearly miss when you no longer want me to rock you to sleep.

Does that mean that we will not still do those things, no, not at all. We’ll still do all of those things and more! But those moments were you would fall asleep in my arms, holding onto my finger for dear life, I’ll never get those nights back. And I will miss those moments.

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On the way to church on Sunday morning, we were talking with the boys and it was during a moment of quietness that Boy A shouted out that he had 5 Girlfriends. And if that wasn’t enough, not only did he have the 5 girlfriends, he was getting married to one of them.

Here is the difference between Dads and Moms. I gave my son a fist bump and asked a few key questions.
1) what about the other 4 girlfriends?
2) how was he going to pay for his wedding?
3) what did her parents think about them getting married so quickly?
4) did he proposal or did she just tell them that they were getting married?

To me, these were all important questions. To his mom, she was almost in tears and there I was fighting back laughing. The reality is, that apparently my son does have 5 girlfriends at school, as this was confirmed by his teacher this morning. And no, my other son has zero and seems perfectly content.

It is good to laugh. In fact, if we don’t laugh, we’ll end up with a really boring life. And we really shouldn’t take things like a 5 year old too seriously when it comes to getting married. But what I am proud of, is how they have really adapted to being in a new environment and how they have really made new friends.

These boys will love and lose girlfriends along the way. It is just a fact. But I love watching them and how their personalities are really shining and really coming out.

So to my son with 5 girlfriends, save up, because you’ll need a lot of money for dates in the future.

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As a child, my mother has often told me the story that when I was learning to write, that I would become increasingly frustrated because I couldn’t get it right the first time. And because my mother was an elementary school teacher, we had stacks and stacks of the old lined ruled paper and fat pencils.

Last night on the drive home, Boy B asked if he could do his homework when we got home. I mean, I don’t really ever remember a time as a child that I asked to do homework. In fact, I did the opposite that many times, I didn’t tell my mother that I had homework and would do it when I was supposed to be in bed. But last night, after he finished writing the letter Q, both upper and lower case, I asked him to write the first letter of his name and he could not do it.

I had to think quickly, so I flipped the paper over, wrote his name and within seconds, he started writing his name. He was learning to write his name, based off of what I did and showed him. That was such a rewarding moment and experience. It was in that moment, that I felt that the day was complete and that nothing else matter. To see the look on his face that he was writing his own name was just amazing. Was his writing perfect, far from it. But he is learning to write and that is the most important thing.

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